As well as keeping MIL physically safe, there is also the issue of money, which many of you know all about from your own experiences. Some £3K in cash just disappeared over a space of 18 months, some of it frittered in charity shops, but the majority of the overspend continues to be a mystery as we have searched the house and it is not there. Possibly a family member was involved, but at least we have put a stop to the drain by keeping her current account on short rations and changing her deposit account to online only, so she cannot make large purchases or withdrawals without consulting her son who has POA.
Equity release mortgage - some years ago a man came to sell one of these to MIL. At that time her dementia was mild but we insisted that family be present to talk to him. After hearing what he had to offer it was agreed that it would not be in her interests to get the mortgage just to release a few thousands pounds for repairs, which she could do by borrowing from one of us and repaying gradually from her pension income, which exceeds her outgoings. MIL agreed that if she changed her mind she would have one of her children present to meet with the salesman. So what did she do? Checked when we were available and then rang him for an appointment on a day when she was sure that none of us would be there. She was delighted to get one over on us "I'm not stupid, I'm not a child, I know what I'm doing".
Salesman pursuaded her to take an even bigger mortgage so that she had extra cash to "help the family out". End result is that she now owes £25K for borrowing £14K, much of which is still unspent. There is, fortunately, a cap of £35 on this loan. However, if she moves to residential care the house will have to be sold to repay the mortgage. Then all her possessions will have to be stored or sold; there would be no option to rent the house out until the property market improves, so she will lose out yet again financially.
Builder of no fixed abode - did some unnecessary work to MIL's roof which caused damage. Told her he had repaired the chimney, which he had not. Then came back to 'repair' another part of the property. Followed her into her bedroom when she went to get her cash! He decided she did not have enough in the house so got her to drive him to the bank and draw a large amount of cash 'for materials'. Police were very helpful but MIL was upset that I had called them in and insisted it was all a mistake.
We installed security cameras outside. She kept unplugging them because she didn't want the police to have evidence, so we didn't get his picture when he came back. When he returned he must have been watching the house because it was during the 30 minutes when I left to do shopping on a day when I had been there all morning. She did not ring the police hotline number we gave her. She spoke to the rogue out of the window and said she wasn't feeling well so didn't want the work done. Needless to say he did not offer to return her money.
She insisted to us that he would take her to court, and wouldn't listen to the police saying he was a known criminal, or rather she did, but that just made her more afraid of him and reluctant to get him into trouble for fear of repurcussions. Police eventually identified where he had been living but by that time he had b*****ed off for the winter and they didn't catch him.
We've now taken the fan out of the security camera control box so she doesn't know it is still working. Perhaps we can then catch the next b*****d that comes to con her. We also have stickers on the front door, provided by the Police, that state "We will call the Police if you do not have an appointment." Didn't deter the guy who got her to sign a contract to change her electricity supply, but I caught him leaving and was able to make a complaint to his employer, which was taken seriously, and of course the contract was cancelled.
Feel free to post your own stories on this thread, that is what it is for. Not only does it help to vent, but we will all learn some tips about who and what to avoid. And - how to be one step ahead of the cunning ways our dear relatives have of dodging our protection and throwing themselves at these people because the problem solving abilities of the rogues seem so plausible.
Equity release mortgage - some years ago a man came to sell one of these to MIL. At that time her dementia was mild but we insisted that family be present to talk to him. After hearing what he had to offer it was agreed that it would not be in her interests to get the mortgage just to release a few thousands pounds for repairs, which she could do by borrowing from one of us and repaying gradually from her pension income, which exceeds her outgoings. MIL agreed that if she changed her mind she would have one of her children present to meet with the salesman. So what did she do? Checked when we were available and then rang him for an appointment on a day when she was sure that none of us would be there. She was delighted to get one over on us "I'm not stupid, I'm not a child, I know what I'm doing".
Salesman pursuaded her to take an even bigger mortgage so that she had extra cash to "help the family out". End result is that she now owes £25K for borrowing £14K, much of which is still unspent. There is, fortunately, a cap of £35 on this loan. However, if she moves to residential care the house will have to be sold to repay the mortgage. Then all her possessions will have to be stored or sold; there would be no option to rent the house out until the property market improves, so she will lose out yet again financially.
Builder of no fixed abode - did some unnecessary work to MIL's roof which caused damage. Told her he had repaired the chimney, which he had not. Then came back to 'repair' another part of the property. Followed her into her bedroom when she went to get her cash! He decided she did not have enough in the house so got her to drive him to the bank and draw a large amount of cash 'for materials'. Police were very helpful but MIL was upset that I had called them in and insisted it was all a mistake.
We installed security cameras outside. She kept unplugging them because she didn't want the police to have evidence, so we didn't get his picture when he came back. When he returned he must have been watching the house because it was during the 30 minutes when I left to do shopping on a day when I had been there all morning. She did not ring the police hotline number we gave her. She spoke to the rogue out of the window and said she wasn't feeling well so didn't want the work done. Needless to say he did not offer to return her money.
She insisted to us that he would take her to court, and wouldn't listen to the police saying he was a known criminal, or rather she did, but that just made her more afraid of him and reluctant to get him into trouble for fear of repurcussions. Police eventually identified where he had been living but by that time he had b*****ed off for the winter and they didn't catch him.
We've now taken the fan out of the security camera control box so she doesn't know it is still working. Perhaps we can then catch the next b*****d that comes to con her. We also have stickers on the front door, provided by the Police, that state "We will call the Police if you do not have an appointment." Didn't deter the guy who got her to sign a contract to change her electricity supply, but I caught him leaving and was able to make a complaint to his employer, which was taken seriously, and of course the contract was cancelled.
Feel free to post your own stories on this thread, that is what it is for. Not only does it help to vent, but we will all learn some tips about who and what to avoid. And - how to be one step ahead of the cunning ways our dear relatives have of dodging our protection and throwing themselves at these people because the problem solving abilities of the rogues seem so plausible.
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