Restrictions are having devastating effect on mum

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
107
0
Bristol
I called mum this morning on her room number at the care home. She answered and I could tell straight away she’s not in a good place. I tried all the usual techniques of distraction by changing the subject and trying to reassure her that ‘her family have not dumped her there....’ It hurts so much that she feels like this and the separation from family who she used to see every day prior to Covid restrictions is having such a devastating impact on her. We’ve been allowed two twenty minute pod visits but she’s not had the touch of family since 23rd March. I know much of what she says is the dementia talking and not mum, but the fact she ‘feels’ abandoned is obviously a true feeling and not dementia. I know there is no magic answer to this so just sharing! She put the phone down on me today which she doesn’t do even when she’s having a bad day. I called the home and asked them to check in on her as she is obviously in some distress today. When will this all be over!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,387
0
Kent
It`s really upsetting @Chaplin especially because touch is often the best way to reach people with dementia. Let`s hope the powers that be have finally recognised how damaging this is and will try to improve the situation.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
0
I know just how you feel @Chaplin , mum is half way through a 14 day isolation after a 2 night stay in hospital. I phoned the home today to ask how mum is " oh, she's fine, not very pleased about being in her room but we can't do anything about that. " I had FaceTime booked, it froze twice during the 10 minutes, wifi obviously bad today. Mum had looked very "down" and told me she's lonely. I fear for her mental well being.Shes in basically solitary confinement , that's how they punish prisoners. Mum had a negative test on discharge , she's seeing the carers in and out of her room, why can't they do lateral flow test each day so she doesn't have to suffer. She's locked up really, but they don't say that as the door isn't locked. It might as well be.
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
107
0
Bristol
I know just how you feel @Chaplin , mum is half way through a 14 day isolation after a 2 night stay in hospital. I phoned the home today to ask how mum is " oh, she's fine, not very pleased about being in her room but we can't do anything about that. " I had FaceTime booked, it froze twice during the 10 minutes, wifi obviously bad today. Mum had looked very "down" and told me she's lonely. I fear for her mental well being.Shes in basically solitary confinement , that's how they punish prisoners. Mum had a negative test on discharge , she's seeing the carers in and out of her room, why can't they do lateral flow test each day so she doesn't have to suffer. She's locked up really, but they don't say that as the door isn't locked. It might as well be.
It’s so tough, and friends who listen to the media think we are all back visiting again because they see the occasional story on the news about loved ones being reunited! Sadly we know that is not the case for everyone! My mum’s home locked all residents in their rooms at the beginning of the pandemic but I reported it to CQC and they had to open the doors. Unfortunately a lot of the residents, my mum included were wandering so they had to ‘release’ them all eventually! Hope you can see your mum again soon.xx
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
0
Yes @Chaplin , I've had friends texting me about the good news. The new guidance is so much better and says visits can be made safe with testing , but at the end of the day it is still left to the "discretion" of individual homes and Ive heard that some are already saying they haven't the staff, layout of home not suitable or lateral flow tests not reliable. I would hope these will be challenged and supported to facilitate visits. Hope your mum is feeling better, and hopefully you will get into see her soon. My mum was more cheerful on FaceTime today as they had allowed her down the corridor to sit where wifi connection is better and I think just being out if the helm helped X
 

Suze99

Registered User
Nov 8, 2020
12
0
I'm in a similar situation with my mum. So far this year she's had a month in hospital in Norfolk after a fall. Came out with increased loss of mobility due to no physio. Spent 5 weeks in a care home before we managed to move her to a care home near us. She's just come out of hospital here following a month's stay. Went in with a small leg wound but ended up falling and now has a bad wound on her other leg with blood clot! She's in isolation despite a negative swab when leaving hospital. She's deteriorated so much mentally and physically. The staff say she's frightened to be in the room by herself but of course rules are rules. Feeling so sad.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
714
0
That's really hard for your mum , and you too @Suze99 . If you're not allowed to visit in hospitals, you don't get the chance to check that patients are getting the right access to physio etc. Then to go back to the care home and have to isolate within the room seems very wrong to me. I was reading an article from Saturday's Daily Mail about how some care homes have lockdown for 28 days with no visits if there is an outbreak in the home. It also mentioned about residents isolating in their own rooms during an outbreak at the home and there was a quote from DHSC saying "..... our guidance does not suggest all residents have to isolate". I don't think this helps for return after hospital visits tho. I feel if residents have a negative test from hospital, and no known staff or other patients test positive, that residents should be allowed to come out of their room to join in activities etc. If staff are saying your mum is frightened to be in the room by herself they should do an individual risk assessment and allow you to be in the room with her, or allow her out. I know just how you feel, and hope you get to visit soon.
 

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