Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
After the saddest week of my life to-date, I would like to share a very unexpected positive experience:

My parents live abroad. My Mum was taken ill on Friday. I kept in touch by regular phone calls and was under the impression that she was on the road to recovery. On Mothering Sunday, we had a relaxed and upbeat conversation – at 6.30pm on the same day I received a most unexpected call from Dad, urging me to come ‘home’ immediately ……. My husband (with advanced AD, who is being cared for at home) was already on his way to bed. He has never been in restbite, as I always worried it might upset our well-established and reasonably successful routine.

I went into overdrive: Called SS Emergency Duty Care Team. Both numbers which had been pinned to my wall for a couple of years were
‘not recognised’. Directory enquiries gave me daytime office numbers. Eventually, I managed to find the right number, and with it a most helpful lady who started immediate phone calls to find an emergency restbite bed. Numerous calls and several hours later, restbite was arranged and I proceeded to book a flight, label clothing, type up information about hubby, pack bags and try and grasp what was ahead of me.

Somehow, I arrived at my Mother’s bedside an hour before she passed away. Such sadness!!

Yet, meanwhile, my husband could not have been cared for better if we had had weeks to prepare for his respite: the staff were utterly wonderful, exceptionally generous to the entire family who rallied and visited several times a day. I was unbelievably relieved and grateful, and able to give my Father total support and comfort at this most stressful time.

I was forced into this situation, and we were very lucky. My husband spent a week in a care home with friendly staff who respected his own needs and routine, and who knows – I may, as a result of this experience, be prepared to arrange respite for a happier break some time in the future …….

Just thought this might balance out the many less glowing reports that haunt every carer who is worried about emergency situations.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's death but glad you were able to be with her at the end.

Such a traumatic way for you to learn how good the respite for your husband could be, but I suppose that is a tiny silver lining and may help in the future.

Take care


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Nutty Nan

So sorry to hear about your mum. How awful for you to have to make emergency arrangements for your husband while you were so worried.

But there are so many positive outcomes to your story.

You were able to see your mum, and be with her when she passed away.

You were able to arrange emergency respite, thanks to help from social services.

Your husband was placed in a good care home, where he was well treated.

Your family rallied round to take care of things while you were away.

Having had to place your husband in respite, you now know he was looked after, so wouldn't worry about doing it again.

You now have all the contacts should you need them again.

As you say, a very positive outcome, and well done you for managing to arrange it all.

Thank you for your post, and I hope all is going smoothly for you at present, despite the loss of your mum.

And thank you for the warning. I propose to make sure that I have everything in place. You just never know.


Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
Thank you, Brenda and Hazel.
You are right: it is because of the 'silver lining' aspect I decided to post.
In my martyr-like attempt to be all things to all men (or at least to my man!), I just never dared hope that anyone else could fill my shoes. Thank Heavens I was proved wrong.
It is good to know that there are good care homes, and it was also very humbling to see how the support network sprang into action.
Time to count my blessings once again.


Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
I Am Sorry To Hear About Your Mum , But Glad The Outcome Of Your Husbands Respite Was Good , You May Never Have Made That Decision, Untill You Were At Breaking Point , Which I Am Sure You Have Been Near, Many Times , I Hope You Feel Able To Do This Again , As You Say , Next Time For Some Well Deserved Time... Take Care Nan.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Nutty Nan,

What a shock for you to lose your mother so unexpectedly, I`m so sorry.

But what a positive experience has come from it. As Angela said, you might have waited until you were at breaking point until you would have considered respite, and now you know you have nothing to be afraid of.

I hope this trauma doesn`t take its toll on you, delayed reaction and all that, so take care.


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Dear Nutty Nan

So sorry to hear of your Mum's unexpected death, but as the saying goes every cloud, has a silver lining.

You now know, your husband will be well looked after, if you ever need some time for you and it hopefully it will not be an emergency next time.


Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Dear Nutty Nan .... I am so sorry to hear of your loss ... so delighted you were able to grasp that 'silver lining' and have the grace to be able to share it too .... thank you ...

I trust you have also felt pleased with yourself at how well you managed the whole situation and urgent 'organisation' needed .......

Absolutely brilliant and well done on all counts - especially under such sad circumstances,

Much love, Karen, x


Registered User
May 19, 2006
So sorry to hear about your mother, Nutty Nan. Glad you could arrange everything so that you could get to her in time and knew your husband was well cared for. What a blessing that things worked out so well under such sad circumstances.
Look after yourself as well as you come to terms with the loss of your mum.
Hugs, Tina

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
Thank you all for your kind words.
I can't really take the credit for organising - I only coped with the help of family, friends, and the aforementioned excellent care my husband received in respite.
I visit TP less at the moment, as I need an enormous amount of time to try and sort out my head and my heart, and I am banking on time being a great healer.
Love to you all!


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Nan, so sad to hear about your mum. What a blessing that you were able to be with her at the end.

Traumatic time for you, especially with your husband as he is. Thanks for posting so positively about respite. Love to you,


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Nutty Nan, a very sad time for you indeed, I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much. Thankfully though, all worked out well with hubby.Take Care.Love Taffy.