So, yesterday a care home manager from a lovely home came to meet my dad who has Alzheimer's, to assess him for going in for a couple of weeks of respite. Mum mum cares for him and really needs a break. We had told dad that it was like a little holiday, staying in a place like a hotel while the doctors sorted his medication.
The meeting was a disaster! He became very cross, adamant that he has no problem with his memory, asking us to give examples of when he's ever forgotten anything (!), saying he doesn't even take medication so why would the doctors would want to adjust it etc. He also said he wouldn't go to the place we were talking about, and if he was made to go, he would be "angry and grumpy and rude." He said that he just wanted to be left alone to live his life as he always had done, in his home, with his wife and child (that's me - I'm 48 and haven't lived at home since I was 18!) He said his life was no different now to how it's ever been.
In the end I had to distract him out by talking about his childhood (his prefered topic of conversation) using a favourite photo of him when he was about 9 years old. This worked and the meeting ended in a friendly manner.
The manager has said she wants to speak to me on the phone (but is not available today!) to discuss what happened, and some of the things he said that may need clarifying.
I just feel so worn out - getting to this stage has taken such a lot of time and heartache, and I just feel like giving up. The thing is, my mum is struggling to cope. I have to keep going for her sake, but I just don't know what else to do.
What happens if the care home won't take him? What happens if he refuses to go? I have PoA for health and Welfare, but can't physically tuck him under my arm and take him there!! What do other people do in this situation?
Everyone agrees that he needs to do a period of respite - the mental health team, social care, the GP, Integrated care, family - but that doesn't seem to count for anything if he simply refuses.
The social worker said he has 'borderline' capacity as he clearly expressed an opinion... but his opinion is based on him thinking he has no problem, that he is still doing everything that he always has done, being unaware that he can't remember what he did 2 minutes ago, doesn't always recognise his wife, has no idea who his grandchildren are, constantly asks where he is (when he is sitting in his home of 26 years) etc. That is not capacity!!
I'm so sorry this is so long - I think I just needed to offload a bit. I am at my wits end. I have my own family, run my own business, have a son doing his GCSEs - I just don't know what to do next.... except cry.
The meeting was a disaster! He became very cross, adamant that he has no problem with his memory, asking us to give examples of when he's ever forgotten anything (!), saying he doesn't even take medication so why would the doctors would want to adjust it etc. He also said he wouldn't go to the place we were talking about, and if he was made to go, he would be "angry and grumpy and rude." He said that he just wanted to be left alone to live his life as he always had done, in his home, with his wife and child (that's me - I'm 48 and haven't lived at home since I was 18!) He said his life was no different now to how it's ever been.
In the end I had to distract him out by talking about his childhood (his prefered topic of conversation) using a favourite photo of him when he was about 9 years old. This worked and the meeting ended in a friendly manner.
The manager has said she wants to speak to me on the phone (but is not available today!) to discuss what happened, and some of the things he said that may need clarifying.
I just feel so worn out - getting to this stage has taken such a lot of time and heartache, and I just feel like giving up. The thing is, my mum is struggling to cope. I have to keep going for her sake, but I just don't know what else to do.
What happens if the care home won't take him? What happens if he refuses to go? I have PoA for health and Welfare, but can't physically tuck him under my arm and take him there!! What do other people do in this situation?
Everyone agrees that he needs to do a period of respite - the mental health team, social care, the GP, Integrated care, family - but that doesn't seem to count for anything if he simply refuses.
The social worker said he has 'borderline' capacity as he clearly expressed an opinion... but his opinion is based on him thinking he has no problem, that he is still doing everything that he always has done, being unaware that he can't remember what he did 2 minutes ago, doesn't always recognise his wife, has no idea who his grandchildren are, constantly asks where he is (when he is sitting in his home of 26 years) etc. That is not capacity!!
I'm so sorry this is so long - I think I just needed to offload a bit. I am at my wits end. I have my own family, run my own business, have a son doing his GCSEs - I just don't know what to do next.... except cry.