Respite Care


Registered User
Jan 7, 2007
My dad lives in Southampton and recently went for his first week of respite care. It was a very worrying and traumatic time for both him and my mum. I believe my dad went to the only council run centre in the area and it is where he goes for day care as well. I know there isnt enough funding for these places but my mum says it is so run down and unwelcoming and she felt so guilty that she had no choice but to let him go there as she so desperately needed the break and was convinced by the doctor etc that he would be fine. He didnt settle very well and she spent the week crying and saying she wanted to get him out. My dad was so withdrawn and upset for a while after he came out. My mum looked at a private home that was amazingly wonderful and in stark contrast to the council run home but it cost £1000 a week. I fear she will keep him at home to the expense of her own mental and physical well being rather than send him back. Has anyone else had similar experiences and what did you do? Thank you very much.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Has anyone else had similar experiences
No sorry , but my mother dose go to respite , can your mother not ask if they would fund it they.

Few time I have had to take my mother outside my area , sometime an hour drive, because they is no care home in our area that has any vacances , also my mother been to care home that are privert and SS fund it

Has SS look for respite outside your area ?
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Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
Hi Kaz

Is that the only council funded NH in the area? I doubt that Southampton has fewer NHs than in this rural community so make enquiries and see if there is a better one that has council funded beds.

I will only let Mary go to one very good NH out of three in the area and with quiet insistance the SW agreed, they know which NHs are of poor standard and know that I will not accept less than the best on offer. Be diplomatic in your negotiations, give them the opportunity to read between the lines, make sure they understand you are capable of being awkward if necessary. An oblique reference to stories in the Sun works wonders.



Registered User
Apr 29, 2007

Hi Kaz

I'm also based in Southampton & despite Dad being diagnosed with AZ 14 years ago - we have only tried respite care twice & our experiences couldn't have been more different! Obviously cannot post details of any individual homes in our area on "a public thread" - so will PM you...& would be interested to "compare notes".

When you get to the stage of needing respite and your Mum is worrying the whole time - it is in fact no respite for her at all! The whole point is to "recharge the batteries" of the carer during this time, knowing that their loved one is being well looked after.

Take care

Gill x