respite care

[mully]

Hi, everybody

need some help looking for respite care for my sister who has young onset Alzheimer's. She is 58yrs old. she has challenging behaviour and a lot of the care homes do not accept under 65. I know she can refuse, she has no capacity and her sons have LPA. I am going away in July my son is taking me to Dublin cant wait. I am lucky in that I have an Admiral nurse who has reassured me we can work something out.

I am so stressed.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @mully it's good that you are being supported by an Admiral nurse and will be getting some respite soon. You mentioned in an earlier post that your sister has a package of care, is this provided by social services rather than self-funded? If social services are funding your sister's care they should be looking for a suitable respite placement, not you. Easier said than done I know, but try not to get too stressed about things if you can. Your trip is arranged and your Admiral nurse has been reassuring about working something out. If social services can't find a suitable care home they will need to consider other respite options such as an increase in the care package at home, and if necessary they can also liaise with her sons who have LPA about the arrangements. Enjoy your trip to Dublin with your son, I hope that you have a lovely time and a well earned break.

 

[Anthoula]

Hi, everybody

need some help looking for respite care for my sister who has young onset Alzheimer's. She is 58yrs old. she has challenging behaviour and a lot of the care homes do not accept under 65. I know she can refuse, she has no capacity and her sons have LPA. I am going away in July my son is taking me to Dublin cant wait. I am lucky in that I have an Admiral nurse who has reassured me we can work something out.

I am so stressed.

I am in a similar position. My partner is due to go into a care home for respite this coming Monday. On the advice of the Admiral nurse I haven`t told OH as he has always flatly refused to entertain the idea of respite. The nurse is going to take us on Monday morning, but for the moment I am left with having to pack a suitcase for him without him knowing! I so, so wish there was a magic wand which could be waved to make your life and mine a little easier. Wishing you luck and a wonderful visit to Dublin. x

 

[Kristo]

Do you have anyone who can take them out for a short visit somewhere while you pack? This is my story, hope it helps:

I did this when we had booked my dad into respite (without his knowledge as he had total lack of insight). I took dad out to the garden centre one day then when I got back my mum said “oh I have that old suitcase that you wanted to borrow” and we popped it into my car. I then took the suitcase (containing all dad’s stuff for respite which mum had quickly packed) and I drove straight to the care home to put it all in his room.

Next day I turned up at parents house to take dad out for a cuppa, and drove him to the care home. I never told him where we were going, we just went in, sat down with a cup of tea with one of the staff, then I told him that he was staying for a few days so that the nurses could check his medication.

He never questioned it (I never in a million years thought it would be that easy, he is not an easy man!).

Finally, I told him I was popping to the loo, but in reality I just left. Hardest thing I have ever done, but he settled and was quite happy to see me the following day and every visit after. Never asked to come home.

Hope that’s helpful, I tied myself in knots panicking about how to get him into respite, but in the end it all went so well, I still don’t know how! The staff were/are amazing, they handled the whole situation so brilliantly.

Good luck, you won’t know yourself once you’ve finally had a break - just prepare yourself for the guilt monster for the first few days, and try to ignore it!! You are doing the right thing for both of you x

 

[mully]

Hello @mully it's good that you are being supported by an Admiral nurse and will be getting some respite soon. You mentioned in an earlier post that your sister has a package of care, is this provided by social services rather than self-funded? If social services are funding your sister's care they should be looking for a suitable respite placement, not you. Easier said than done I know, but try not to get too stressed about things if you can. Your trip is arranged and your Admiral nurse has been reassuring about working something out. If social services can't find a suitable care home they will need to consider other respite options such as an increase in the care package at home, and if necessary they can also liaise with her sons who have LPA about the arrangements. Enjoy your trip to Dublin with your son, I hope that you have a lovely time and a well earned break.

Hi Louise, thank you for reading my post, all her care is by social services. We have go 3 names of care homes that we can give to the social worker as she said its easier for her. Yes I know but anything we can do to make it all easier. fingers crossed all goes well.

Hello @mully it's good that you are being supported by an Admiral nurse and will be getting some respite soon. You mentioned in an earlier post that your sister has a package of care, is this provided by social services rather than self-funded? If social services are funding your sister's care they should be looking for a suitable respite placement, not you. Easier said than done I know, but try not to get too stressed about things if you can. Your trip is arranged and your Admiral nurse has been reassuring about working something out. If social services can't find a suitable care home they will need to consider other respite options such as an increase in the care package at home, and if necessary they can also liaise with her sons who have LPA about the arrangements. Enjoy your trip to Dublin with your son, I hope that you have a lovely time and a well earned break.

 

[mully]

I am in a similar position. My partner is due to go into a care home for respite this coming Monday. On the advice of the Admiral nurse I haven`t told OH as he has always flatly refused to entertain the idea of respite. The nurse is going to take us on Monday morning, but for the moment I am left with having to pack a suitcase for him without him knowing! I so, so wish there was a magic wand which could be waved to make your life and mine a little easier. Wishing you luck and a wonderful visit to Dublin. x

Hi Anthoula, will talk to my Admiral nurse and put that suggestion to her and see what she thinks. Thank you.

 

[mully]

Do you have anyone who can take them out for a short visit somewhere while you pack? This is my story, hope it helps:

I did this when we had booked my dad into respite (without his knowledge as he had total lack of insight). I took dad out to the garden centre one day then when I got back my mum said “oh I have that old suitcase that you wanted to borrow” and we popped it into my car. I then took the suitcase (containing all dad’s stuff for respite which mum had quickly packed) and I drove straight to the care home to put it all in his room.

Next day I turned up at parents house to take dad out for a cuppa, and drove him to the care home. I never told him where we were going, we just went in, sat down with a cup of tea with one of the staff, then I told him that he was staying for a few days so that the nurses could check his medication.

He never questioned it (I never in a million years thought it would be that easy, he is not an easy man!).

Finally, I told him I was popping to the loo, but in reality I just left. Hardest thing I have ever done, but he settled and was quite happy to see me the following day and every visit after. Never asked to come home.

Hope that’s helpful, I tied myself in knots panicking about how to get him into respite, but in the end it all went so well, I still don’t know how! The staff were/are amazing, they handled the whole situation so brilliantly.

Good luck, you won’t know yourself once you’ve finally had a break - just prepare yourself for the guilt monster for the first few days, and try to ignore it!! You are doing the right thing for both of you x

Hi Kristo thank you for your reply. You have definitely given me food for though.

 

[mully]

Hi Anthoula, will talk to my Admiral nurse and put that suggestion to her and see what she thinks. Thank you.

Hope all goes well for you.x