respite and broken ribs

boomer

Registered User
Nov 21, 2005
20
61
peak district england
had a phone call from mum last night ...she has had a couple of calls from the home dad is having respite.....first one was to let mum know that dad was "unwell" and doctors had been called ...the secont was to let her know that dad had a couple of cracked ribs and that he had fluid on his lung as a result .....

this has happened due to his falls on his first day/night when he had several fallls.

Mum is very angry..understandably but is insiting he has never had falls in her care .....not true ...ive been visiting and witnessed these falls ,my sister too has had frantic calls when he has fell and needed hospital treatment .....the last time i visited ,he wound up falling of a stool and sliced open his nostril....very messy and needed to go to casualty .Then another fall the following day in the driveway of the house.
I am beginning to think that mum has a degree of some sort of dementia too....or am i just making excuses for her drinking .

Mum is still not talking to my two sisters ,but at least i can keep them informed of events as they unfold.......
it is such a worry .....on the day dad went off to respite she spent over £70 in the co op ..im certain it wasnt on food as she eats next to nothing ..my sister had removed any alcohol in the house at the weekend ,as advised by the duty social worker on call at the time of everything happening so i suspect the bulk of it would of been on alcohol and cigarettes.....even more woryingly ,that was on tuesday and a simillar amount was spent again two days later on thursday ........
am rambling on a bit ...thankyou for listening ...
ANNE x
 

EllieS

Registered User
Aug 23, 2005
170
SOMERSET
God You Poor Thing!

Dear Anne

It's early so forgive me if anything I write sounds unconsidered but It does sound as if your Dad is in the right place and it also sounds as if your mum needs serious help - maybe she needs to go into respite care or some such place for assessment. Is the drinking the only problem, or does she have dementia - what came first, the chicken or the egg! Who knows, but all you can do is deal with the current situation.

Dad - seems as if he should not be encouraged to come home for the minute
Mum - needs to be assessed and possibly admitted to be assessed
Mum/finances - do you think you should be seeking a Power of Attorney to safeguard their monies against a possible drink habit

Social Services should be supporting your Mum big time at the moment - by supporting I mean looking & seeing and then making suggestions as to the way forward. Do make sure they're on the case!

Try to see things in the cold light of day - you can't make everything right on your own. I picked up the following on this forum last week - sorry but can't remember who supplied it, but keep it in mind:
"Have the wisdom to accept the things we cannot change,
Have courage to change the things we can,
and have the wisdom to know the difference."

You have a great deal going on with Mum & Dad - try to stay calm and don't make yourself ill!

I wish there was something more I could do to help.

Luv
Ellie
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
West Sussex
Dear Anne, good grief, what a load your carrying. I agree with Ellie, your Mum needs an assessment and help in her own right too. You poor thing, what a nightmare for you. With regard to the falls, often it goes hand in hand with the dementia, they seem to fall often, could be to do with spatial awareness or something. My Mum used to try and stand quickly like she was a 20 year old, blood rushed to her head, she got giddy and over she would go as she was really in her late seventies. Please post and let us know how things progress, we are here for you. Love She. XX
 

jc141265

Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
836
45
Australia
Maybe not dementia

Mum is very angry..understandably but is insiting he has never had falls in her care .....not true ...ive been visiting and witnessed these falls ,my sister too has had frantic calls when he has fell and needed hospital treatment .....the last time i visited ,he wound up falling of a stool and sliced open his nostril....very messy and needed to go to casualty .Then another fall the following day in the driveway of the house.
I don't know, but in my experiences with my Mum, one can have a completely different reality to the rest of the world and not have dementia...perhaps a bit of a personality disorder however...and the more skilled one is at it, the more people believe them. Nothing is more convincing than someone certain of their own truth, my mum has regularly insisted on things that I know for sure aren't true but she is so damn good at it, I even start to doubt myself!!??

Your mum is obviously not as good at this as my mum and no doubt the drinking doesn't help her keep her story straight, but don't immediately think it is dementia or the alcohol that is causing her to deny the truth. I realised a long time ago that there are very few people in this world who are blatantly evil like the bad guys we see in movies, instead most 'bad people' are folks who can explain away their behaviours, deny the truth, create their own truths, so in fact in their own minds they never do anything 'evil'. For your mum to admit that your Dad had so many falls at home is not copmpatible with her current upset (understandable upset) at the home for 'letting' your Dad fall, so possibly she has found it simply easier to 'forget' the real truth.

Believe me I am one whos knows very well how truth is just a 'concept' that the mind tends to bend to suit one's own perspective. Goodness knows how much easier it must be to bend truths when you are drinking as well.