1. Essex Girl

    Essex Girl Registered User

    Jun 26, 2008
    Dear all, I joined as a member of talking point a while ago, but this is my first time on the forum, so please bear with me!

    My father is 73 has vascular dementia, and is in residential care. The staff at the home are extremely patient and helpful but he has become steadily more aggressive towards them, particularly when they are trying to give him medication. He is refusing to take his medication to the extent that I think it has become an issue. They haven't really said as much - but we are having a review next week and it obviously needs discussion. It is not only the taking of the medication that is a problem, but he has a patch (for angina) and refuses to let them lift his clothes to change it. Bathing and shaving is another problem area. He is very mobile and capable of washing and shaving himself, but needs prompting. When they ask him to wash he often refuses to do it and refuses their help.

    If any members have had similar experiences I would be interested in hearing how they were dealt with, both by the family and the care staff.

    Thanks for your time.

  2. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Hello Lin

    You've probably already looked into this, but just in case ...

    Is your Dad's medication tablets? Many are available in liquid forms which might be easier to get into him (disguised in fruit juice perhaps?).

    This is a problem which crops up quite often here, so I'm sure someone with personal experience will come on board soon to add their thoughts.

    Best wishes
  3. chelsea

    chelsea Registered User

    Oct 11, 2008

    Hi Lin,

    I can understand completely how worrying this can be. My dad was in a care home and I went through the same experience.

    With my dad he refused to take his medication often spitting it out or biting the tablets in half. He also stopped taking baths/showers and wouldnt let the staff undress/change his clothes without being aggressive.

    I found that it was mainly because:
    1. My father was stubborn and once he says no then you shouldnt push him. Come back to him after 10-15mins and try again.
    2. He didnt trust the care home staff and allowed me to give the medication as even though he didnt recognise me he still felt safe with me.
    3. He took his tablets if you gave it at the right time. I.e. in my dad's case it was straight after he had eaten. Often I fed him the tablets one after the other with a teaspoon and quickly gave water (diluted with ribena) straight away so he didnt have time to think!
    4. With changing clothes, every time he went to the toilet he would lower his trousers - before he could raise them up after he had done it, I would take them off so again he didnt have time to think. I also used to talk to him, saying things like "those clothes smell, and you look so nice with these clothes, wow, you look really smart with this top etc..."

    In the end, I found that he was better off at home, as the care staff just didnt have the time to give this 1-2-1 care and also I ended up going to the care home virtually every day which wasnt good for my own health. At home, he is so much more pliable - I think he didnt like being in a care home therefore he was getting angry inside and thats why he refused medication and personal hygiene. At home, he takes his medication and I don't have that many problems in giving him a bath, shaving and changing his clothes.

    I don't know if my story has been any help to you but hang in there... its so frustrating I know!

  4. mica123

    mica123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2008
    I am frustrated at the fact that you as a relative have had to take these steps!did you speak to the home manager at all?Have you expressed your concerns to the home?Iknow that if this was the home in which i work we would be devastated at your claims
  5. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Lin

    Is your Dad in a residential care home?

    When my mum and dad were in a residential care home (lovely though it was) as their dementia progressed, the staff didn't know how to deal with them, because they wern't dementia trained.

    Now they are in a home where the staff are trained in the care of dementia suffers and take everything in their stride. If someone refuses medication, they leave it and try again in 10 mins.

    Take care
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hello Lin - I would ask what the medication is and how important it is? My mum refused certain meds when at home ("I've read what the side effects can be and I'm not bl**dy taking them!" :eek:) ... but her GP advised overall it was better not to stress her than insist she took them in the overall context of her physical and mental health ... the 'essentials' (those for BP and her Aricept thankfully she accepted for some reason?) I would ask how essential each med is ... and concentrate on getting the important ones down ......

    With patches, does there have to be a specific place they are located? Again I know mum was troubled when patches were applied to her back because she couldn't 'see' them (although they looked pretty transparent to me) but still sensed them ... could they be applied say to an upper arm where only a sleeve has to be rolled up rather then complete or semi-undressing?

    Is there a problem with actually swallowing the meds? (I'm personally hopeless at trying to get a whole paracetomal down in one go!) Liquid form certainly helped my mum ... especially when NH staff and I played along with she was having a little G&T/Baileys whatever 'treat' it looked like - worked for my mum anyway!:rolleyes:

    As with the clothes changing and washing - always found 'cajoling' was the best form of persuasion - never giving instructions ...... or never, never suggesting as I learnt to my demise, 'Mum , you've had that top on for the last two days' ..... that was sure to prompt an argument!!!!!!! :eek:

    Love, Karen, x

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