1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Morning all, this could be a long thread so i hope you dont mind? I always thought people with alz always had memories from the past? Well I've just got some old photos out to share with mum, who had mid stage alz. I showed her a photo of her mum, her niece and her new husband on their wedding day back in 1972 (ish). She looked and said oh thats nice, i asked if she knew who they were, she pointed to her mum and said that must be the mum, thats the boy, are they a family?. I said yes. Then i showed her one from the same wedding with me as bridesmaid and my dad, her husband, as best man. She said " from their clothes id say it was a wedding" i pointed to me and asked "whos that?", she didnt know! And she thort my dad was either my brother or my husband, she didnt recognize her husband!! I felt so sad, i put the rest away, she had no recognition at all. Does this happen often, i thought they always remembered the past? My husband came in and i was in tears. So sad
  2. joggyb

    joggyb Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    As I'm sure others on here would attest, it varies from person to person - there's no one version of dementia, so there's no predicting what will 'work' for somebody, or whether they will remember people or not.

    My own father has photos of me at various ages in his room - sometimes he is well aware they are of me, and on other days not.

    If it upsets you that your mum doesn't remember, then it's probably best not to take the photos in the first place. Your distress may only confuse her further.

    It's hard, I know.
  3. skaface

    skaface Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    It's very sad - I asked my mum about her wedding day in 1954 and she couldn't remember it. I thought she'd be able to remember the name of the church, St Nicholas, but she couldn't and insisted it was something else.

    Having said that, she has always been very dismissive of my late father (he died in 1978) and his family so she might just have deliberately forgotten about him and them. Mind you, I also asked her about VE day with the recent celebrations. Nothing. Not a sausage. She must have had a ball that night, being 16 years old at the time, but no, she doesn't remember a thing about it.

    This is why I like my aunt to be around to discuss these things, she knows a lot more than I do and knows which subjects will arouse her remembrance, though mum is very resentful and aggressive to my aunt when we see her and even when her name is mentioned gets aggressive.

    She doesn't now remember the houses we lived in during the 70s and 80s and doesn't remember her last house in Canterbury either. I don't think she knows who my sister is now, though she makes a pretence at remembering her.

    I am not even sure she really knows who I am these days.
  4. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    Yes very sad... but i do find it varies from day to day with my Mum who has moderate Alzheimers.

    Mum is 74 and I take her when possible to visit her Aunt 85 ( her Mothers sister).
    My Great Aunt always brings out the family photos.

    Recently she showed Mum a group pic from when she was a child.
    Mums Aunt would have been 4, her brother 9, and her sister ( Mums mother) 14.
    Mum recognised her Aunt, but did not recognise her mother.

    She then said looking at the photo, that her brother was the youngest, when he was the middle child. Now my Great Aunt knows Mum has Alzheimers, but she was very taken aback :(

    Later on Mum asked me if her Great Aunt & her Mother were sisters :eek:

    Earlier this evening i showed her a photo of my children ( now 13 & 18) when they were just 2 & 7.
    Mum knew who they were straight away :)
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Looking at photos with my mum is a bit of a minefield. I've had to remove any of my dad or mums brothers and sisters it just upsets her too much and usually ends up with her in floods of tears. And then there are those of me when much younger, she does not believe they are me so then we get a different reaction she gets angry. A while ago I had to remove all framed photos from around the house, I am slowly putting them back but not in immediate view. She still recognises her one grandchild so these have always been in view they make her smile and she loves looking at photos of her little dog. It may just be that my mum hasn't hit that stage yet where we can sit and look at photos of our family, maybe she never will, but for now I am happy to keep most family albums in the attic.
  6. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    I would never show her photos if i thought theyd upset her! I thought she'd enjoy looking at them and they'd help her remember. I wont do it again because it made me sad, although it didnt effect mum!!

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