Hi, my father died last weekend. He was the full-time carer for my mother, who has mixed dementia - part vascular dementia and part Alzheimer’s. I am one of three children, but we all live 2-3 hours away from her. At the moment we are caring for her in her home short term, on a rota, after the death of our father, making sure there are always two of us here. But we all have families and jobs we need to get back to.
We are wondering how to proceed. She has had a huge shock. Sometimes she seems to understand her husband has died, but then she asks where he is. She is mobile with support but needs full-time care, as she cannot do much for herself alone, and is visually impaired.
We are looking for a care home, and debating whether to keep her in the local area where she has good services. Or whether to move her to live in a home near one of us. It is hard to care for her in this situation and deal with our father’s affairs, and to look for the right home. She does not want to go into a home, but there is little choice, and she does not have capacity (although she has not had a care needs assessment). We all have LPA for her financially and health/welfare wise. We would be self-funding, at least initially.
We are debating whether it is better to make a slower transition into residential care, perhaps organising 24 hour live in care in the short term, in an attempt to ease her into her new life situation in a person-centred way, and to involve her as much as is feasible in the decision-making process . Or whether it would be better to move her quickly into a good care home, locally, so that she settles as quickly as possible after the initial shock of moving.
We are also wondering what will happen if we tell her we cannot care for her ourselves, and that she will have to be cared for in a home, and she refuses to move. She is not a gregarious person - her and our father lives together for over 60 years without have a social network - and she would not have wanted to go into a home.
We are looking at the advice on the dementia and Alzheimer’s websites. Thanks for any other advice or guidance you can offer about the best way to proceed to cause her the least stress and upset.
We are wondering how to proceed. She has had a huge shock. Sometimes she seems to understand her husband has died, but then she asks where he is. She is mobile with support but needs full-time care, as she cannot do much for herself alone, and is visually impaired.
We are looking for a care home, and debating whether to keep her in the local area where she has good services. Or whether to move her to live in a home near one of us. It is hard to care for her in this situation and deal with our father’s affairs, and to look for the right home. She does not want to go into a home, but there is little choice, and she does not have capacity (although she has not had a care needs assessment). We all have LPA for her financially and health/welfare wise. We would be self-funding, at least initially.
We are debating whether it is better to make a slower transition into residential care, perhaps organising 24 hour live in care in the short term, in an attempt to ease her into her new life situation in a person-centred way, and to involve her as much as is feasible in the decision-making process . Or whether it would be better to move her quickly into a good care home, locally, so that she settles as quickly as possible after the initial shock of moving.
We are also wondering what will happen if we tell her we cannot care for her ourselves, and that she will have to be cared for in a home, and she refuses to move. She is not a gregarious person - her and our father lives together for over 60 years without have a social network - and she would not have wanted to go into a home.
We are looking at the advice on the dementia and Alzheimer’s websites. Thanks for any other advice or guidance you can offer about the best way to proceed to cause her the least stress and upset.
