Recent diagnosis for one and awaiting a diagnosis for the other.

[James1]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently going through a rough time with my grandparents. One has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s and we’re awaiting a diagnosis for the other.

Theres been so much change over the last few month, from them being fully independent, to having to rely heavily on family and carers, and having to medically surrender their driving licence. All that coupled with stubbornness, and them being from a generation of not wanting to ask for help is proving problematic.

As a family, we’re trying to do as best we can but things such as personal care for them both and housework, we’re struggling to keep on top of as the two of them are refusing to let us/anyone help and can’t see there’s an issue. We’re having good days and bad days, the bad days are absolutely draining, that coupled with stressful full time jobs, it’s beginning to take its toll on us all.

Waiting lists for adaptations to the house are also causing issues, we’re currently awaiting a wet-room being fitted, and an outdoor ramp to be fitted (mobility issues) to help make life easier but the delay in these being fitted is causing frustration as one grandparent is currently very obsessive over things and is trying to maintain their independence as best they can.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so is there any advice you can give on how you’ve coped and dealt with it?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @James1 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. It sounds as though you have a difficult situation that will only be eased by getting your grandparents to accept help from professional carers. That will not be easy and is beyond my experience. Other members may have some more useful ideas on how to improve the situation for all concerned.

 

[Pacucho]

Hi James1

Sorry to read about the situation regarding your grandparents.

You're in a no-win situation, because as you say if it is the case that both have dementia it's probably the dementia that's not allowing them to realise they need help. It doesn't matter what you say or do, they simply won't be able to acknowledge and accept help.

All you can do is what you're doing now - which is make incredible sacrifices to support them. As regards the bad days there's sometimes a limit to what you can do, and even though it can be very hard you sometimes have to accept how it is.
Hope this helps in some way,

paco