Really need some advice

[Brothers Grin]

Guys, I really need your help. I care for my mum (been doing it for 14 years) who has dementia and is partially deaf, 90% blind and has a leg amputation above the knee and for the last 10 days after a series of falls everything has got worse. Anyway, to put it bluntly, she has now reached a level of care that I can not give her at the moment and I don't know what to do or who to call. She won't let me attempt to lift her anymore and she's become very scared to try to stand.

Would I best to call her GP and take it from there?

Sorry for the plea guys, this is the first time in 14 years where I really need some help and don't know what to do.

Thanks

Bill

Hope this makes sense, I have not had much sleep for the last week or so

 

[Anniewragby]

Hope this makes sense, I have not had much sleep for the last week or so [/QUOTE]

Hello and sorry to hear of your difficulties. As it is Sat pm you may be best to phone social services emergency help line and try and get some help and support.Your Mum is very vulnerable and you are unable to care for her safely. Don't let them fob you off - you both need help.
Let us know how you get on.

 

[maggie.]

Guys, I really need your help. I care for my mum (been doing it for 14 years) who has dementia and is partially deaf, 90% blind and has a leg amputation above the knee and for the last 10 days after a series of falls everything has got worse. Anyway, to put it bluntly, she has now reached a level of care that I can not give her at the moment and I don't know what to do or who to call. She won't let me attempt to lift her anymore and she's become very scared to try to stand.

Would I best to call her GP and take it from there?

Sorry for the plea guys, this is the first time in 14 years where I really need some help and don't know what to do.



Thanks

Bill

Hope this makes sense, I have not had much sleep for the last week or so

From Maggie.

Please try to contact your local Social Services 'out of hours' or emergency Team and explain your difficulties and ask for urgent help. I would be pleased to learn how you get on.

Good luck and best wishes.

 

[Merrymaid]

Hi Bill can only agree with Annie & Maggie the sooner you get Social services involved the better for you & Mum. You will still be very much involved n her care but you will hopefully receive some well deserved assistance. Well done you for managing this long!

 

[Grace L]

Hello Bill,
I agree with the others, contact the 'out of hours' team.

Make sure you keep notes, and start a diary of who you spoke to, times, dates etc....
just in case they say they no record of your call.

 

[Brothers Grin]

Thanks guys. I'm on the phone as we speak and will fill you all in later.

Thanks again guys

 

[copsham]

Hi brothers grin,

You have had your hands more than full. Don't know how you did it for so long. In my experience you have to push and push and be very emphatic, that is in between looking after such a vulnerable mother.

Are you thinking she needs care/nursing home care? If so and she would be self funding ie over £23k in savings, I believe you can arrange directly yourself.

If she would be needing SS contribution they need to assess. The problem with using SS emergency services is that they usually have access to an emergency bed and it might not be in the service that would suit your mother best or even if it were she may have to move out of the emergency bed to another place.

I think it is good that you are clear about the eventual limitation of the care that you or any other human being, can give. You have done so much for so long in such a loyal way!

 

[Brothers Grin]

Guys, I'm still in the same situation as yesterday. Tried to get in touch with SS all day yesterday but the phone just rang and rang so I phoned the out of hours Dr and at midnight last night I canceled it as she was very tired so with the help of a friend managed to get her into bed. Got her up this morning she had wet herself again in the night and picked up the bloody phone again.

Managed to get an answer from SS this afternoon who told me to phone the out of hours Dr once more, done that and he has just left and was no help at all. He diagnosed a chest infection, left a prescription and left.

Now back to SS I guess! Not too happy at the moment and very very tired

 

[LYN T]

You have my sincere sympathy. 14 years and you are only just asking for help!

You have some inner reserves of strength.

Tomorrow when you phone SS again use the words 'vulnerable' and 'at risk'. It wouldn't do any harm to mention that you have 'carer breakdown' either. Mention you can't carry on with caring without help.

I'm so sorry you are facing this-unfortunately you have to shout loud to get any help-and continue to do so

Much respect to you for what you have endured for so many years

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Brothers Grin]

Thanks guys, you're support has been a much needed help. Think I'm getting somewhere now with SS. Last night was hell, for me and mum so yet another night without sleep but we both managed to have a couple of hour nap early this morning which was much needed.

Our SS have this depressing music playing down the phone while you are waiting for somebody to take your call.........I'm going to have nightmares about that bloody music for years

Will keep you all updated

Just had a call from SS as I was about to hit submit, and the news is that I have to phone 999 and get her in hospital. This is something I'm really not looking forward to so have made my sister get her **** up here tomorrow morning so I don't have to face this alone.

Tune in tomorrow for the next episode!!!

 

[Merrymaid]

O what a carry on, thinking of you

 

[copsham]

Good luck with it all. On a positive note when I was in a terrible position with my mother, 18 months ago, falling down every day or two discharged from a and e, every other day etc the ambulance people were brilliant. They were reassuring and took control of the situation and were great.


"Our SS have this depressing music playing down the phone while you are waiting for somebody to take your call.........I'm going to have nightmares about that bloody music for years
"

This made me laugh, my mothers consultant put classical music on in the waiting room, very gloomy and my mother asked whose funeral it was LOL

 

[Brothers Grin]

All done and mum has just gone off to hospital with my sister so just going to have a shower and walk the dog and then I will pop up but it looks like they are keeping her in and then she will be assessed by the SS team in the hospital and get a care package set up so I have some help at home.

Thanks to everybody who commented and supported me via this thread, I can't tell you how much it helped. Thanks guys.

Bill

 

[jeany123]

I hope things go well for you all,

Best wishes Jeany x

 

[CJinUSA]

Hello, Bill. I'm glad the system has finally kicked in for you. We had similar incidents with my father during his bout with vascular dementia. They'll get it all sorted. Lovely that you took care of your mother for so long. You are amazing, and she must have been some kind of special woman. Hope you are getting some rest now.

 

[Brothers Grin]

Thanks guys. Before this I cared for mY Dad through cancer and up until his death so thought I'd seen it all until this last week or so. Anyway, she's on Oxygen for low O2 levels in her blood, she has a bed sore, chest infection, urine infection and they found something on her lung that they arn't too happy about but not sure what it is so hope they have news in the morning but she has perked up no end.

Thanks again everyone.

Bill

 

[Lindy50]

Sorry, I have only just caught up with this thread but I just wanted to post to say well done to you for looking after your mum and dad for so long.....wow!

I'm glad your mum is brighter now

Hope you are now able to have a well deserved rest

Lindy xx