reaching the end

[fluff]

My m-i-l has been in hospital now for over a week and although she at first appeared to be improving is now not responding to treatment, so I suppose she is in the final stages

Not sure what I need to know now, there seems to be nothing to be done but wait. She is not eating or drinking - does anyone know, once this stage is reached, how long might it be? Sorry, a strange post, I don't know what to think or how to react right now

 

[littlegem]

Hi fluff,

sorry to hear about your MIL, it's very painful watching someone like that. My MIL died a couple of weeks ago in hospital. It was nearly 2 weeks before she finally died after she couldn't take food or drink.
She was put on the Liverpool Pathway, supposed to be near the end (3 days usually) but she kept rallying round.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[Witzend]

My m-i-l has been in hospital now for over a week and although she at first appeared to be improving is now not responding to treatment, so I suppose she is in the final stages

Not sure what I need to know now, there seems to be nothing to be done but wait. She is not eating or drinking - does anyone know, once this stage is reached, how long might it be? Sorry, a strange post, I don't know what to think or how to react right now

I gather it can vary a lot, but an aunt of mine was in this condition last summer - refusing food and drink after the umpteenth UTI and between family and lovely GP it was decided it'd be kinder to let Nature take its course in the CH. She was nearly 87 with quite bad AD. Still horrible having to decide, though - she was my favourite aunt by a mile.
From the time the decision was made it was only about 5 or 6 days as I recall. I was with her quite a lot of the time and she did not seem to be in any discomfort - just quietly sleeping. It think it happened faster than staff had expected - just as I was about to leave to go and sit with her one morning I had a call to say she'd drifted away peacefully in the very early hours.

Incidentally while I was with her staff were still trying to get sips of water, teaspoons of yoghurt etc. down her, but she clearly didn't want any of it, just to be left in peace.

However expected and inevitable, it's still such a sad time. All the best.

 

[Katrine]

My grandmother lasted 4 weeks in hospital without food. She had mental capacity so they could not force anything on her. The staff kept bullying my poor mum to try to get her mother to eat but she said that it was her mother's choice to go; she'd had enough of pain and medical procedures. My grandmother did not have dementia BTW and made a rational choice that her quality of life was unacceptable to her.

She still took water during this time, but nothing else. In the last 2 days she was pretty much out of it, but occasionally waking for a few minutes. She chose to allow her body to shut down and she told my mother that after the first few days without food she wasn't hungry and it didn't hurt, which was a great comfort.

I hope it is therefore some comfort to you Fluff that this fading away does not seem to be a painful process. If your MIL was experiencing discomfort from thirst she would allow the fluid past her lips, but it sounds as if she has slipped into a dream state and doesn't notice what is going on around her any more.
I pray for her passing gently when the time comes.

 

[NeverGiveUp]

My thoughts are with you. Whatever happens will be the right thing, as long as you are sure everyone around is doing their best, I think Witzend says it all with allowing Nature to take its course.

Our challenge is yet to come, when it does I hope we will be strong enough to follow that path, I had to make a choice about an uncle years ago, I let him go, it was a horrible thing, he was being kept alive by drugs and having strokes and fits all the time, I hope I made the right choice.

The problem with dementia is that it the long goodbye, there just doesn't seem to be a 'clean' end. I really do feel for you.