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Question for professionals about Expat with demebtia

Enid1965!

New member
May 24, 2021
2
0
My mother lives in the US. She was born in UK and emigrated to the US at age 20. She was never happy here. My dad was also from UK. He acclimated to the US much more so. I think because he worked and was very successful in his job. My mum never worked here. As he got to retirement, yearly trips to the UK turned into 3-4 x per year. When my mother dementia worsened, she became unable to travel and eventually bedbound. She was supposed to live 6 months and placed on hospice in 2012. He died in 2013. My mother is still around. Still bedbound. Her dementia has advanced. She is very unpleasant and totally confused. She is cared for at home, but her finances are dwindling. She is a UK citizen. She had always expressed that Britain was best and her only real home. Could she come back for care?
 

AwayWithTheFairies

Registered User
Apr 21, 2021
140
0
I’m not a professional at least in care, but my two-cents or pence worth- I expect she possibly could with a crazy amount of effort, which it sounds like she could not do for herself, once she was nearly destitute, including not owning a residence there - but it would be a tremendous ordeal, including the travel, especially if there is no one at the UK end to coordinate it. It doesn’t sound like a viable option with this much information. Care is not really free in the UK any more than in the USA. I thought that hospice was covered by Medicare, unless she is too young for that?

It also doesn’t sound in her interest in any way shape or form,
 

Enid1965!

New member
May 24, 2021
2
0
Hospice in the USA is paid for six months. It is a benefit for terminally ill people. It can be extended by six months. Her benefit has now been exhausted since 2013. Who deemed her terminally ill and why? My parents did not tell me or anyone else. She has private caregivers now but her money is running out. I am looking at all options. Here in the USA, the less money you have, the worse, in general, your care will be in a nursing home. Medicare will cover a very basic, probably not highly desirable facility for her. She did live part time in the UK prior to becoming incapacitated. My parents had a flat in a seaside town. She likes her country better. She has said this for years. I hate to send her to a facility, but I do not have finances or physical ability to care for her. My father wanted her kept at home. It is no longer going to be possible. I know the quality of care she will get here will likely be poor. I am trying to explore all options for her. No one expected her to live this long. Considering her state of health, it has not been a positive situation that she has. She has had dementia for over 15 years now. She has not been able to stand since 2013. She is quite elderly. My dad knew she had dementia for years before she became unable to walk, but told no one. Her dad had dementia for about 20 years prior to dying for in his late 90’s. I suppose she is may be following a similar course. Unless you are a very wealthy person here, there isn’t much for you. I am trying to think about what is best for her. She is facing a situation where she will be laying in a bed in a room with three other people because that is the norm here for nursing homes.
 
Last edited:

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,901
0
Victoria, Australia
I can't help but wonder if your mum would be any happier if you did manage to move her successfully.

Many people with dementia express a desire to go 'home' and it seems to be common for them to want to return to somewhere they recall as being safe.

If your mum is bedbound, I am not sure that she will really understand that she is in UK and not in US and I suspect that getting her there will cost you a small fortune. And I assume that there will be additional travel for you.

With the pandemic, you might find it difficult to place her and at her age, I think you perhaps could do some more research before coming to a decision.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,897
0
South coast
I think its going to be almost impossible to move her here.

Care in UK is not free - you have to pay for care/nursing homes. When money runs out then usually the Local Authority steps in, but while the care may be perfectly good, there is only a very limited number of homes that they will fund (sometimes only one) - all at the cheap end of the market. And Im not sure that they would fund your mum anyway as she has not been resident in this country,

I agree with @Lawson58 - asking to go home is almost universal in dementia, but they are not actually talking about a real place. "Home" is a state of mind - a place where they can be safe and escape the confusion of dementia. My mum wanted to go home to her childhood home (that had been bombed in the war) where she was sure that her parents and siblings (all long dead) were waiting for her. There are many people who are actually sitting in their childhood home asking to "to home". I too think it likely that you may spend a small fortune getting her here, only for her to keep insisting she wants to come home to UK.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
1,015
0
I think it will be very challenging for you to arrange your mums care in the UK while you are still in the US as I suspect that Social Services will not work with you until your mum is actually here. So you have the dilemma of arranging a flight which I assume will be very expensive for someone who is bed-bound, finding a suitable place for mum to stay while Social Services do various assessments. That’s assuming that there are no immigration issues - my son lives in Colorado, is still a UK citizen but would not be entitled to financial benefits immediately if he returned to the UK.

It might help put it into context to know that my mum pays £1050 a week for her dementia care home - this does not include any nursing care as she is fit and healthy. As she has more than £25,000 ( not sure of the exact level to get local authority care), she is self funding. Your mum owning a flat in the UK would exclude her from financial support as it will be counted as an asset so it will have to be sold to pay the care home fees.

I suggest you contact the local authority in the area where your mum might be living to see what support that could provide - but good luck there as we were unable to talk to a social worker when we needed help with mum!
 

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