Question asked

[Blissy]

My husband was diagnosed about 3 years ago but had noticeable problems a few years before that and probably nearing late stage of mixed dementia. Today quite out of the blue he asked if he was going off his head. I explained that he was having bleeds in his brain that were causing him to be confused and to forget how to do things. He seemed to be relieved that he now had an explanation for how he was feeling. He did ask if I was going to put him in a home and I said not as long as I could look after him at home but at some point I might need help and he agreed with this. I have been looking at getting carers assessment as I feel I do need some respite, just a day out would be good but have been so worried at how my husband would react to me leaving him. Probably shouldn't be encouraged by today's conversation but just wanted to know if anyone else has had this happen

 

[maggie6445]

My husband was diagnosed about 3 years ago but had noticeable problems a few years before that and probably nearing late stage of mixed dementia. Today quite out of the blue he asked if he was going off his head. I explained that he was having bleeds in his brain that were causing him to be confused and to forget how to do things. He seemed to be relieved that he now had an explanation for how he was feeling. He did ask if I was going to put him in a home and I said not as long as I could look after him at home but at some point I might need help and he agreed with this. I have been looking at getting carers assessment as I feel I do need some respite, just a day out would be good but have been so worried at how my husband would react to me leaving him. Probably shouldn't be encouraged by today's conversation but just wanted to know if anyone else has had this happen

Hi, my OH has started one day a week at a day centre. It's lovely to not listen to the same couple of conversations that are distorted by TV news or programmes. I can whizz around the supermarket in a third of the time it takes with him and I have the rest of the time to myself! At the moment I'm playing bowls in summer matches and he comes with me or we do coffee clubs together but next winter I'm planning on making it two days a week at the day centre.
Could you find a centre for your husband? It's made a big difference to me to have that day " off"

 

[Blissy]

I am trying to find one. There was one in a village near the us but I can't find it on line anymore. Will have a word with my GP surgery as it was the social prescribed working from there that gave me the contact details but at the time it was a definite no from my husband. Unfortunately she is no longer at the surgery.

 

[windyhill]

My wife (3 years into mixed dementia) started going to a day centre for 4 hours per day two days a week. It gives me a good respite for those 4 hours and I get all sorts of things done which are difficult with her around - like the weekly shopping which is very difficult because my wife no longer has patience to do any shopping. I can do several jobs around the house without having her "under my feet". It is quite expensive but not so much when I factor in attendance allowance. You do need 2 or 3 respites a week to keep yourself sane - looking after someone with middle stage dementia 24/7 is extremely taxing and the break is good for both of us. Some small break for every weekday would be perfect for both of us but unfortunately not affordable.

 

[Briege]

I have managed to get a "sitting service " for my husband. I was offered one 4 hour sit or two 2 hours. I opted for the 2 sits and a carer comes to the house and stays with him for the 2 hours. I plan on shopping one day and the other will be used for appointments/ hairdresser etc. It's a great bonus being able to go out. A day centre wouldn't have suited him and the stress would have made it harder for me. Check your local authorities to see if it's available. It's also a gentle way to get him used to other people in the house

 

[Blissy]

Thank you all for your encouragement.

 

[Sue741215]

I would say to anyone with a newly diagnosed partner try as soon as possible to put some respite in place even before you need it. I think if it can be introduced when the partner is less dependant it will form part of the settled routine that those with dementia tend to need later on and they will learn they can depend on - and enjoy the company of others. My oh is still ok at home on his own but I pay for someone to take him out to lunch for an hour or so (long enough for him) so he has something to look forward to and his own 'friend' when I go out for a few hours with mine. I don't think my oh would like a day centre - he goes to a carers group with me sometimes but doesn't take part and just goes off for a wander. In some areas you may find a Golf in Society group at a local golf club who will look after a small group to play golf for 2 hours giving their carers some respite at a reasonable rate once a week - I think £10 an hour. You don't have to be a golfer to take part. Just another option - depends what suits your husband - I hope you find something.