As you know I made tentative steps to going back to work on Monday. By 11.30am I was home for the day - guilt ridden! Yesterday I came home at 11am but returned to work for the afternoon. Today I did the same. Whilst I was home all the time he seemed to be doing well - getting dressed, combing his hair etc and getting the calories down. Whilst I was at home he was also responding well to the carers. Since I have returned to work I get nothing but a mouthful of the most spiteful abuse from the moment I start getting him up. He's refusing to dress. The carers are ignored completely. Having said that he is still getting the calories down so I should be thankful for that. But all he wants to do is lie on the bed in a darkened room - which is what he was doing when I was at home but his interaction seemed better - or was that just my interpretation? Then I lost it big time when I got home today. At night he has a wee bottle but is well able to potter to the loo in the daytime. When I got home I found he'd taken the wee bottle back into the bedroom to save himself coming out of the bedroom at all or even off the bed. A right slanging match ensued. Pre AD we were not a couple that rowed particularly and certainly not like that and I am feeling so guilty for having lost it tonight. In my heart of hearts I know what it is all about for both of us - change and being on tenterhooks. I deperately want to be at home with him and, despite his dreadful language and anger towards me, I know he wants me at home too. But the big GM has hit again. We are calm now and I have apologised for my part in the argument and he's had his tea and he even said thank you for that. Oh dear!!
Love from Sammyb
Love from Sammyb