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Progression, we don't know what to expect


Registered User
Jun 28, 2015
Being new to this forum I'm never sure what is a good or stupid question, but I have been reading a lot of posts to see what others are going through.

Mum has only been how she is since last October and it feels like she progressed/deteriorated quickly but I don't know, I know most of you have been dealing with this for years. I've said on another post we thought we were dealing with the effects of the stroke as communication can be difficult and she didn't know what day of the week or what time of day it was (she still doesn't) but we now know it's stroke related dementia. She will do things like the tea bag in the toaster (tripping the electric), glasses of water lined up in different rooms for no apparent reason, taps being left on, odd shoes/slippers, saying no-one has been to visit when we know there has been family to see her. Simple things like the TV are a problem she has not idea how to turn it on/off or turn it over, or to turn on lights. The oven has been disconnected for months and now she's not even attempting to make her own breakfast, this was the last meal she was still making on her own.

Night time is a very confusing time for her, she doesn't know which door to go through for the bathroom sometimes, or even that the big white chair type thing in the bathroom is a toilet, or she's surprised she's in the living room without going down the stairs (she lives in a bungalow). She never knows what time it is so she's constantly trying to get ready from silly o clock. The main thing for the night time is going to the loo and forgetting to lift up her nightie, she can't remember now most of the time that she needs to use loo roll and we know she would be mortified by this and she's forgotten how to use the chain on the back door. She can still turn the key (blessing or not we don't know yet) so we know if there's a fire she can still get out but worried what happens if she gets to the point she can't open the door. We have taken the front door key away as we know she'd open it for any one and everyone. We know she hides things and we've got an on going battle with her knickers and where they are, we end up having to buy them on a regular basis as we can never find them.

We have to explain things to her over and over, if plans change or if we're trying to explain something medical, this reminds me of speaking to a small child and them saying why all the time. The other day I got there and she was broken hearted and I finally figured out she'd spilled some of a dinner my sis had taken to her for lunch and she thought my sis would never speak to her again, she kept saying 'so ashamed, so ashamed' it took me a long while to console her and get her to realise what had happened was nothing to be worried about at all. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I don't know if she has progressed quickly and it will only get worse in a short space of time or if we'll still have 'mum' for a while longer. Although this is by no means her only medical issue (we still have the ticking time bomb that is her organs) she seems to have plato'd with those issues and this one is the prominent issue and is only getting worse. I do thank our lucky stars that she is still very placid and 'happy' most of the time, albeit in her own little world.

I'm trying to brace myself for something I know is coming and have no control of but the not knowing when is killing me for some reason.


Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
Fife Scotland
Oh andy welcome and huggs to you, yes you will find we have or are going down this road. With my sis and me it has been the pants (knickers) the washing is the worst thing ever. This week she has been forgetting days times and even friends birthday. I think she has wrong day of the diary open.

I thought when I was reading this it was me who was writing. But as you may have gathered you are not alone, and we are all in the same boat it is just we are at different stages.

You take care now and just ask.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Andy - there is never a stupid question on here.

You could be describing mum too. She went down really fast and I could not keep up with the new symptoms. It seemed like every day there was something else.
BTW - knickers are constant source of puzzlement on here. I never knew what she did with them either and it seems to be a recurring theme. Consensus of opinion on here is that she is probably either putting them in the bin or flushing them down the loo, but watch out for plastic bags of dirty knicks hidden away in odd places :eek:

Now might be a good time to get a key safe fitted by her front door in case of emergencies. Do remember that eventually you will not be able to provide for her needs just by yourself and will professional help.

Keep posting on here :D


Registered User
Dec 5, 2014
Wow! Andy you have not only described your own mother, and at least two other mothers, but my mother also! There does appear to be some things that are constant with dementia sufferers, but the speed at which things happen can vary.

My only advice to you is, if you haven't already done so, contact your local Adult Social Services and arrange for your Mum to be assessed as to her needs, and ask lots of questions about making sure your Mum is safe.

It's a horrible disease, and it is very hard to watch someone you love deteriorate before your very eyes. But there is help out there. Stay strong!