1. Linda G

    Linda G Registered User

    Oct 23, 2017
    I need a bit of advice how best to deal with a situation that I am unsure how to handle. We have plodded on through this horrible illness (OH has Alzheimer’s) quite happily for the past couple of years reasonably happy with ups and downs and no major problems until now. My OH has deteriorated quite a lot over the past few months. He seems to have taken a mistrust of two really good friends of ours, even though they have done nothing but be good friends to us. A couple of times my OH has been quite unfriendly to his friend who has just taken it. Today I told my OH that our friends would be calling in for a cuppa later to which he replied that we were both not to go out of the room at the same time as he didn’t trust either of them. This really has upset and depressed me as I am afraid of what is ahead and eventually we will lose our friends. I need the companionship of other people as it would be a very lonely life without them. I would really appreciate some advise how to deal with a situation like this.
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    I find that things like this are often a memory issue. My wife will often accuse me of things that she has done herself but forgotten about. It's also the root cause of accusations of stealing when things have been put in a 'safe' place and that place/action cannot be recalled.

    One does have to just go with the flow to an extent. Maybe explaining this to your friends will help them understand.

    There is a useful thread about communication that can help with such issues and it can be reached by clicking the following link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

    I hope this helps.
  3. Ohso

    Ohso Registered User

    Jan 4, 2018
    Another awful part of dementia. Would it work to meet somewhere neutral, local coffee shop etc, this might alleviate the issue of trust, as the friends wouldnt have access to anything.
    Mind you, it may not help, l just remembered my mum distrusted my adult daughter for months after she had a lucid dream/hallucination about her rummaging in her drawers for money etc, something we couldn't disprove so just had to handle the nastiness till it passed.
  4. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    My husband has had periods of paranoia over the last few years, mostly directed at me and about me and I believe that it is a common thing with people who have dementia.

    I think it could be a good idea to explain to your friends what your husband's current thinking is and perhaps it would be a good idea to follow Ohso's advice and meet for coffee or a meal somewhere else apart from your home.

    There is a good chance that this is a phase that will pass and something else will occupy his attention. Good friends are hard to find and it would be wonderful for you to keep that relationship.
  5. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Yes, my husband to had a bit of paranoia for awhile. He obsessed about our neighbors and that they were using his tools and heaven forbid....filling up our trash bins with their stuff. It sounds so funny now but he was so obsessed about the trash for many years. That has now passed away....he no longer thinks about much of anything, or cannot relate what concerns him.
    FIRST of all talk to your friends...tell them exactly what is happening currently with his disease so that they understand that his brain is affected and he interprets things incorrectly. Take on the suggestion from Ohso,
    to meet for coffee at a restaurant or coffee shop is an excellent idea. That way you maintain the contact with your friends...
    There are phases , my experience is "this too shall pass"
  6. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    Hi, I don’t have any words of wisdom I’m afraid . My mum too went through this about 8 years ago with a family member and some good friends , They haven’t seen the family member since , don’t think dad handled it as well so hope you manage to. Although their friends completely understood and still see them so I agree , let your friends know . Hope it goes ok.
  7. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    "This too shall pass" @PalSal ! That is my motto for today. Thanks. I know things could be much worse but when I'm in the middle of a tough time I feel the weight of the worlds ills.

    Phases, stages, they all move on eventually.

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