1. Lash

    Lash Registered User

    Jun 14, 2015
    16
    I'm not really sure where to start or what answers I'm really looking for if I'm honest. My mum is in her early 60s and lives alone has a long history of mental health problem (depression and anxiety) and has taken medication for as long as I've been alive (I'm late 20s). Around 10-15 years ago she started with physical pain and was given a diagnosis to explain this, symptoms of this condition also included 'brain fog' which has been used to explain her deteriorating memory and ability to form sentences. However over the past 18 months I have noticed a significant change in her ability to cope with day to day events, unable to understand simple questions or engage in conversations, no longer able to read and I have started needing to intercept most of her mail. Recently her friends have raised their concerns to me also (they've noticed she doesn't make sense when talking, doesn't seem to listen etc), it's almost like there is a block in her brain. Other concerns to me are things like not recognising people or names of those she has known for years. She forgot my nieces name though not that she existed. I'm unsure if this is dementia or Alzheimer's as she doesn't have some symptoms such as thinking things are being stolen etc, is this a symptom everyone gets? My sister and I visited the GP this week (my mum wouldn't come) and he agreed he that her symptoms are more severe than what she should be experiencing with her current diagnosis. We have arranged another appointment for later this week which my mum has said she will come to though mearly said she was sorry I was upset (I got emotional when telling her my worries and did not get the motherly hug I would have got some years ago) and became irritated and quite angry about her friend contacting me.

    I think more than anything I am frightened of what all this means. My mum and my sister haven't talked for some time though my sister has now made contact and I'm hoping this eases some of the pressure and responsibility from me. I also feel a lot of guilt for wanting her help, she is quite a bit older but has a young family. Also this is my mum and I do want to be there for her but often feel alone in this and that I can't cope. I want to protect her from everything but I don't think she realises how severe and obvious her symptoms are to other people. I also have guilt that I should have gotten her to the GP soon but I think I was in denial and hoped it would go away.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,744
    Female
    London
    #2 Beate, Jun 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2015
    Welcome to TP. As a quick explanation, dementia is the umbrella term for all conditions, whether it's Alzheimer's, vascular or fronto-temporal dementia, to name a few. Secondly, everyone is completely different. There will be happy people and angry ones, compliant or non-compliant, with hallucinations, accusations, confabulations or not, incontinent or not. Here's a list of factsheets for you to peruse: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200137

    It's good to get a proper diagnosis to know what you are dealing with so I hope your Mum will cooperate.

    Let us know how it went.
     
  3. Lash

    Lash Registered User

    Jun 14, 2015
    16
    Thank you so much, I'll give this link to my sister and brother too. I will do, I can see this site being a life line
     
  4. Lash

    Lash Registered User

    Jun 14, 2015
    16
    Well things are moving some what. We had the MRI last week and memory clinic assessment today. It didn't go well. The MH nurse has suspended my mum from driving at least until the consultant appointment as she felt my mums reaction times are likely to be poor and was concerned that although she may be ok driving regular routes it could only take a road diversion or someone to step out before something bad happens. I completely understand this but my mum doesn't understand the implications or risk factors and took only that the nurse was wrong and her driving was fine. With this in mind I had to take her car keys from her house. My mum now thinks I'm evil and cruel and I feel awful but I didn't know what else to do as she would have driven. I could only see two sets of keys and panicking there may be a third somewhere?! Mum says she may as well be dead if she can't drive as she has some physical illness that gives her a lot of pain, as she's only 62 I can understand this and adds to the guilt. The nurse explained things to mum but tbh I felt some of it was inappropriate and that she didn't necessarily understand mums grasp of words, such as suspend, has anyone else experienced this? I was given leaflets for carers support and dementia cafes, we've had no diagnosis yet so is that normal? She also gave me details on POA but due to mums reaction to me taking the car keys I'm reluctant to approach this yet even though I know it will have to happen at some point. I'm just so heartbroken about it all and fear about what's happening isn't easing :confused:
     
  5. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Welcome to TP Lash , we may not all have advice but we will certainly listen x
     
  6. Lash

    Lash Registered User

    Jun 14, 2015
    16
    Thank you :) I've spoken to friends but I think it's difficult unless you have been in a similar position. The MH nurse suggested asking the GP to check my mums ears as a possible reason for not following conversations.. I'll do this but as she can hear the TV on a normal volume I'm not convinced it's a reason. I think I was hoping for something more today but the whole experience was horrible and has resulted in upset between me and my mum which I can't stand. I'm not looking forward to the consultant appointment but can only hope it provides some answers and some kind of plan as right now I feel we are in limbo.
     

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