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Registered User
Oct 20, 2004

I feel as if all I'm ever talking about are 'toilet habits'!!

Mum has a new trick which is highly unpleasant!

Dad has discovered to his horror that Mum has been storing what she does in the toilet on the bottom shelf. It seems that she's been removing the 'no 2's' from the toilet and putting them on the bottom shelf or sometimes on the window ledge.

This is not always the contents of her pads. Dad is convinced she's fishing it out of the toilet.

The nurse recommended that she be taken off Aricept all together about 3 weeks ago and we have noticed a decline since that happened. She is going back on it today but I'm not sure if the damage has already been done.

Has anyone experienced this and found a way to prevent it, Dad isn't in the same room 24/7 so it's impossible to know when she's been to the loo and 'done it'.

He's so upset (again), the whole toiletting issues really bring home what's happening to her.



Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I feel your father should scream and shout for help and tell the powers that be he will break down himself, if he doesn`t get more support.
Your mother`s behaviour is too upsetting for any one person to manage, especially someone caring 24/7.
I`m not exaggerating, you father will only be able to handle so much of this and then his own health will be affected.
If he is unable to shout for help himself, perhaps you can shout for him.
I`m really sorry for all of you, including your mother. But something has to be done and if you don`t ask often enough, you will be seen as managing. The SS and doctors need to know you are not managing.
Love xx


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Mandy

i absolutely agree with Sylvia. Start shouting for help. Your father shouldn't have to cope with these problems unaided. Of course they have you but, unfortunately, these things can't be timed or controlled!! You can't be expected to be there all the time to prevent such occurrences.

Of course you talk about toilet habits because it's a big problem that you are having to live with right now. Hopefully, you will begin shouting.

Love Helen


Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
Hi Mandyp.

Just to let you know that my wife is having toilet and pad problems too.

She is not quite sure where the toilet is although we have lived here 40 years, and nearly gets it right when she goes.

She removes her trousers but forgets about her knickers and pad.

Consequently they get wet and soiled so she takes them off and hides them.

Fortunately I have found most of them but I still have three pairs missing.

I expect I shall find them in oher ways when the summer comes.

It's not a nice experience especially when you consider the meticulous care that used to be taken over hygiene before this disease struck.

I do have a great deal of sympathy with you at this time.


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Hello Mandyp,
My husband was double incontinent and it is so hard to deal with.
From my own experience in fact it was hell.
If you can get help please get all the help and support you can.
I know it is part of the illness but cleaning up the mess is herrendous also keeping the house clean.
How they can do it in such a short space of time is unbelievable.
I was once scrubbing the carpet from a mess when Peter looked at me and said I did not do it. The first time I really lost it with him and being so tired with the constant work, turned to him and said well it b*****y well was not me.
Best wishes


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
I think everyone has had this problem

Hi Mandyp,
Yes the cleaning up, I have to try to remember, it is not his fault. He forget's to go, and then rushes there - too late.
It to will pass, I hope so, for me, for you and everyone else that has this problem.


Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
Frightful thing to deal with, your poor Dad and you!
Trying to get in your mother's shoes, I suspect that perhaps she sees what she has done, knows that its icky, but has forgotten the wonderful flushing mechanism of toilets and so decides to remove the evidence and possibly doesn't always succeed at that and so leaves it on the window sill mid stash! :eek:
I know its terrible and I don't know if I am out of turn but I like your mum's thinking if my suspicions are correct...she even in her illness is very clever, putting it on the shelf indeed! Very very sorry if my post offends, I guess just years and years of no poop control on my Dad's behalf makes me admire such behaviour. Isn't weird how perspective can change?!
Believe me I am in no way trying to make light of this issue and the other posters are right this is no doubt way too much for your Dad to cope with without proper support and no doubt it hits hard for you too. I know how I used to feel like someone had walloped me in the stomach when I saw the next sign of the disease taking 'my Dad' away from me.
I guess these days though instead of seeing the behaviours as a dreadful symbol of how the disease is progressing, I have taken the tact of celebrating any sign that my loved one is trying to make sense of their world. It isn't generally at all socially acceptable behaviour but to me it says there is still a person inside...a person who often has the logic of a child but nevertheless its a sign that they are thinking, and as per DesCartes 'I think, therefore I am'. And ****** hell hoorah to that. If a 3yr old did the same behaviour we would scold them, giggle about it in private, and hope the scolding worked. With dementia sufferers we gloomily know that things there is nothing we can do to change the behaviour, and we feel more and more out of control as they regress. I guess I try to step away from it all these days and because its been going on so long now (10yrs - 1/3 of my life) I no longer try to hold onto the Dad that once was and I guess I think of him like a parent would who had a child who was always mentally disabled. And with that perspective I can just love him for what he is now and what he becomes tomorrow.
Don't worry I know I no doubt sound like a fruitcake who has lost touch with the reality of poop. The only reason I am trying to show this perspective however is because I know with this disease the constant fighting against it wears one out, and if ever anyone can start to accept it (and I know this goes against every grain of our souls)it can help to ease the stress of such situations.
Sorry again if I am speaking completely out of turn.

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