Hi all,
My apologies in advance for the length of this post!
My grandmother is 82 years old and has dementia. In May 2020 (during the pandemic) she was put in a care home as her husband (my step-grandfather) could no longer care for her, this was arranged without any of her blood family’s knowledge.
To give you some context, we had to stop visiting my nan at her home in March when the coronavirus got worse and the country went into lockdown, however, my mum (her daughter) and us (me and my 3 siblings, her grandchildren) would call her weekly by telephone to see how she was.
During a routine weekly call in early May made by my mum, my step-grandad answered and told her she was no longer there and she couldn’t speak to her. We were so confused and called the police to do a welfare check as they live over an hour away and it being lockdown we could not go to their home. The police carried out the visit but said they couldn’t give us much information other than to have “strong words with social services”.
We continued to call to plead with him to tell us what had happened, was she in unwell in hospital? He finally told us she was in a care home but would not give any more information other than that.
He then started making crazy and false accusations that my mum had stolen my nans jewellery and locked her in the boot of a car years ago, to name a few. Prior to this situation there were never any issues/arguments with my step-grandad and my nan would be shocked by his behaviour if she had capacity.
We then contacted social services and her social worker advised she couldn’t tell us anything due to data protection without my nan’s consent, but eventually confirmed she was safe and well in a care home. The social worker told us she could not be granted consent to disclose any information to us as my nan lacked mental capacity. The OPG confirmed my step-grandad is my nan’s POA for welfare only.
I have since made numerous phone calls to try and plead with him to just tell me the name of the care home so I can speak with my nan. He still refuses and starts ranting about my mother. I believe he is not acting in my nans best interests by cutting contact with all of her only blood family.
It has now been nearly 6 months since we spoke to my nan and I am so scared she is going to die before we ever get to speak to or see her again. I am really struggling with the fact that she may think we have abandoned her and wonder why we haven’t been in contact with her.
My mum has contacted the OPG raising her concerns, however, they say they need more evidence for it to be looked into further. They wrote to him to remind him of his duties and that he should be acting in my nans best interests. It seems so hard to gather evidence other than to record him when we call up? Please if there is any advice you have for me, I would be most grateful.
I know my mum is seeking some advice from a solicitor about applying to the court of protection about being a deputy. But this will likely take months/years to get anywhere.
Thank you for your time in reading this. If anyone has been in a similar situation it would be great to talk!
Grace
My apologies in advance for the length of this post!
My grandmother is 82 years old and has dementia. In May 2020 (during the pandemic) she was put in a care home as her husband (my step-grandfather) could no longer care for her, this was arranged without any of her blood family’s knowledge.
To give you some context, we had to stop visiting my nan at her home in March when the coronavirus got worse and the country went into lockdown, however, my mum (her daughter) and us (me and my 3 siblings, her grandchildren) would call her weekly by telephone to see how she was.
During a routine weekly call in early May made by my mum, my step-grandad answered and told her she was no longer there and she couldn’t speak to her. We were so confused and called the police to do a welfare check as they live over an hour away and it being lockdown we could not go to their home. The police carried out the visit but said they couldn’t give us much information other than to have “strong words with social services”.
We continued to call to plead with him to tell us what had happened, was she in unwell in hospital? He finally told us she was in a care home but would not give any more information other than that.
He then started making crazy and false accusations that my mum had stolen my nans jewellery and locked her in the boot of a car years ago, to name a few. Prior to this situation there were never any issues/arguments with my step-grandad and my nan would be shocked by his behaviour if she had capacity.
We then contacted social services and her social worker advised she couldn’t tell us anything due to data protection without my nan’s consent, but eventually confirmed she was safe and well in a care home. The social worker told us she could not be granted consent to disclose any information to us as my nan lacked mental capacity. The OPG confirmed my step-grandad is my nan’s POA for welfare only.
I have since made numerous phone calls to try and plead with him to just tell me the name of the care home so I can speak with my nan. He still refuses and starts ranting about my mother. I believe he is not acting in my nans best interests by cutting contact with all of her only blood family.
It has now been nearly 6 months since we spoke to my nan and I am so scared she is going to die before we ever get to speak to or see her again. I am really struggling with the fact that she may think we have abandoned her and wonder why we haven’t been in contact with her.
My mum has contacted the OPG raising her concerns, however, they say they need more evidence for it to be looked into further. They wrote to him to remind him of his duties and that he should be acting in my nans best interests. It seems so hard to gather evidence other than to record him when we call up? Please if there is any advice you have for me, I would be most grateful.
I know my mum is seeking some advice from a solicitor about applying to the court of protection about being a deputy. But this will likely take months/years to get anywhere.
Thank you for your time in reading this. If anyone has been in a similar situation it would be great to talk!
Grace