1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. dedicated doe

    dedicated doe Registered User

    Aug 24, 2007
    47
    wirral merseyside
    HI to everyone i am sorry to have a moan but i really need to get out how i feel at the moment,christmas has been very quiet but emotional but at least i had 20 minutes of the old Dave back on christmas day,he enjoyed opening his pressies and having a laugh with the two youngest then just as suddenly it all went back to how the reality really is with this terrible illness by afternoon he did not recall anything just wanted to watch the same old film over and over again eat and sleep! I was struggling to try and keep everything normal for the sake of the kids but considering i have two brothers and friends NO phone calls or visits,how things have changed since Daves diagnosis,would it have been better to stick a big label round his head to show none of this is his fault,besides that my eldest son who is Downs has been getting aggresive and will be having tests for Autism in the new year,we have been getting the support from outside but i still feel i do it all by myself and when i feel low i get up in the middle of the night to clean and polish round i suppose its a little satisfaction i give myself. Thankyou for letting me have a moan best wishes to you all God Bless Doreen.
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Doreen,
    It is not a moan, just getting things of you chest and hey we all do that. I am sorry that Christmas did not go as well as you hoped. I am sorry that Dave was not responsive but it is this awful illness. As for people outside - family and friends, it just goes to show just how thoughtless people can be.
    This was my first Christmas without Peter and he is in E.M.I. Unit and final stage and I was dreading Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day but with 3 of my 4 living near, they made sure I had a lovely time with Grandchildren. In saying that, Peter not being there was hard. I bought an extra present for Grandchildren thinking it would help but they open the present in tears, saying isn't it lovely that Grandad got this for us.
    Peter's side of the family have never bothered with him and what makes me so angry, he has a better bond with his step-children than they have with their natural father.
    It is a cruel world I know. Thank God we have all the friends here on Talking Point.
    So Doreen, I wish you all the best. Christine
    Sending you xxxxx from the berks who did not contact you.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,596
    Kent
    Hello Doreen.

    I`ve been holding myself back from having a good moan myself, this evening, and your post just made me realize how so many of us, although in different circumstances, are in the same boat.

    You`ve made me feel ashamed of wallowing. It must be so much harder with young children at home, especially one with challenging behaviour.

    Dhiren enjoyed his Christmas dinner at our son`s, but once we had come home it was all forgotten too.

    It isn`t that that`s getting me down, it`s the total sadness of the whole business of dementia. I`m not sleeping well either, but when I get up in the night, I just sit with a cup of tea and watch rubbish on TV or listen to the radio. At least you are doing something constructive. My house is becoming very neglected.

    It`s hard when family and friends let you down. They probably won`t be able to make eye contact with you the next time they see you. Their consciences will prick them but not enough to do anything about it.

    I wish I could think of some wise and wonderful words to help you feel better.

    Love xx
     
  4. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    God bless you Doreen, I only wish I could help you. Anyway here is my 'virtual' hand to try to comfort you in your very difficult situation. The people who don't come to help you are not worth writing about. It hurts terribly, I know because I have just 'written off' my eldest son as an unfeeling monster who hasn't a care in the world for his parents sufferings. xx TinaT
     
  5. Westie

    Westie Registered User

    Hello Doreen,

    I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. Worrying about your son as well makes it all the harder for you. Having a moan on TP certainly seems to help and you know that we will all understand.

    I've also been feeling like moaning but have held back as it just seems........well, so pathetic of me when I know others are coping with more.

    But, I too felt abandoned over Christmas. No phone calls from any of Peter's family, no invites to join them for anything. Friends are busy with their own lives it seems. My sister did visit us, even though it was very difficult for her to organise, so a big thank you to her. My blood pressure has hit the roof and I've had to see the GP myself as now have burst blood vessels in one eye and a hand which won't stop shaking. Peter's family knew about this but no one has called to see if I'm ok. I could be in hospital with my children (their family) home alone for all they know! The only message I had from them was to remind me to sell the house this year so i could repay them the money I owe them. Thanks a bunch.........

    Well, that feels better getting that off my chest and I'm sorry for hijacking your thread, Doreen. Take care of yourself,

    Love
    Mary-Ann
     
  6. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Doreen.

    TP's main aim is surely for us all to be there for each other and like you I'm so grateful I found it.

    Christmas Day was rotten for me too like a lot of us, seeing my parents in different places and trying to explain to my Dad why he couldn't be with my Mum. You discover who your friends really are and my day was saved by a very dear friend who I know I can pop in on - any day of the year - and I did! She makes up ten times over for all those so-called friends and family who aren't really.....
     
  7. dedicated doe

    dedicated doe Registered User

    Aug 24, 2007
    47
    wirral merseyside
    Thankyou Dear Tp Friends

    Thankyou all for your comments,I feel for all of you and your families at this time it is hard for me to understand the So called love and support from close family and friends,when i have seen my brothers its all Dont forget to PHONE US if you want anything, but because i dont they assume everything is fine,whatever happened to a close loving family i am sure my parents would turn in their grave at this wonderful world oflove and support we have today,sorry to go on! I am so thankfull for TP and the kindness i have received GOD BLESS YOU.Doreen
     
  8. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Doreen,
    At least you know that all your friends on Talking Point will always be here.
    I hope that in 2008 things will ease a little and live day by day. We can only do what we can.
    Very best wishes. Christine
     
  9. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Doreen,

    I'm so sorry your Christmas was not as lovely as it could have been. I'm so mystified by these people who turn a blind eye to what is going on - I can't understand it at all - how do they sleep at night?

    However, I do understand your cleaning - my hubby says he can tell when I'm stressed as the house is spotless - I think it's an attempt to burn off the frustrated energy for me.

    I'm very thankful that our family has rallied this year - my mother in law fed us all for Christmas Day, my youngest cousin has taken mum out for a walk a couple of times to give dad a break, all my cousins came up to spend Boxing Day with us so they could see mum and my aunt (mum's sister) who hasn't been good with this stuff at all came for Boxing Day and New Years Eve and made a little effort to help when mum was rampaging about.

    It's been a seasonal miracle for our family and boy did we need it with mum as she is at the moment!

    I wish I could give you all great big hugs because you deserve them - as it is you'll have to have virtual ones {{{HUGS}}}.

    Love
     
  10. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    I am so sorry that you have had such a miserable time, but this is where you can let off steam and have a real good rant.

    Ours has been basically OK, although from what my sister-in-law said she will not have John while the boys and I have a holiday, so it will be a call to the social worker to see if there is anything that can be put in place. His mum has said that she will come over but as she will be 81 and John has deterioated over the Christmas period I really can't see how she can manage.

    Have lost count of the number times I have been kneed in the face when trying to get him dressed.

    Take care of you.

    Jackie
    xx
     
  11. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Dear Doreen,I'm really sad things aren't good for you at the moment and that Christmas was so awful.
    It must be so difficult for you with young children and one with Downs.
    Surely you must qualify for some extra support? It's a shame your family are so neglectful-please remember you're not alone with all of us here. Love Gigi x
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.