Pet for Older Person with Dementia

[tinythai]

Hi - I care for my mom who is 83 and is in the middle stage of dementia. I see her everyday, but I don't live with her. She was previously living with her great aunt who was 90 and recently passed away. Her aunt was her main social contact for the last 10 years after my father passed away.
Needless to say, the loss has been hard on her and she is obviously lonely. We are not ready to move her into a care facility as she is content in her house and is still able to do a lot of self care. We fear that moving her to a facility will cause her to decline.

We've been thinking of getting her a pet cat - an older cat that is mellow and likes to just hang out. We've had cats in the past and she enjoyed their company, but before going down this road, I wanted to check in with the community to see what your experiences have been and what you would recommend. Thank you very much for your insight and feedback!

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @tinythai and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your mum, it must be so hard for her now that she has lost both her husband and her great aunt. It is good that she is able to take of herself but as you say it must be lonely at times.

I am not sure that getting a cat is the answer, would she be able to look after it and would she remember to feed it. From your use of the wording 'care facility' I am assuming that you live in the US. Would it be possible to contact your social services to see if they are able to arrange for someone to call with your mum just to have a chat with her now and again.

I have also attached a link to details about pet toys that breathe and move which some of our members have found helped their loved ones with dementia.

Amazon.co.uk : dementia pets

 

[Knitandpurl]

Hello @tinythai and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your mum, it must be so hard for her now that she has lost both her husband and her great aunt. It is good that she is able to take of herself but as you say it must be lonely at times.

I am not sure that getting a cat is the answer, would she be able to look after it and would she remember to feed it. From your use of the wording 'care facility' I am assuming that you live in the US. Would it be possible to contact your social services to see if they are able to arrange for someone to call with your mum just to have a chat with her now and again.

I have also attached a link to details about pet toys that breathe and move which some of our members have found helped their loved ones with dementia.

Amazon.co.uk : dementia pets

I also woukd not recommend getting her a cat or any other pet. I know of 2 people with dementia with pet dogs (one now passed) who while they were both devoted to their pets completely failed to look after them adequately. One continually fed it and spoilt it in every way so it was vicious if refused anything and massively obese. The other’s dog has recently been diagnosed as having diabetes, due to her feeding it cake and failing to let it out to go to the toilet. The dog is in pain and suffering but nothing can be done as she cannot remember to give it any medication, or feed and exercise it appropriately. Her visiting carers try to remind her but it does not work.

 

[pobbie1959]

I really wouldn't recommend getting a pet for someone with dementia. My husband had mixed dementia, (he recently passed away) we have two cats and a dog, it was a full time job making sure he didn't sit on the cats, one day he used the dogs head to stand up, luckily Franks a big dog and there was no damage but it added to my stress levels immensely.

 

[Kevinl]

Don't, that simple. If it did work it could be brilliant, but the odds are against outweigh than potential risk of her neglecting it.
Is there a local cats home she could visit possibly, my mum used to help out at a local dogs home, gave her a fix of caring for pets without the responsibility of ownership. K

 

[GeorgieW]

My mother has had dogs all her life, and what gave me a big hint that my mother was declining was the level of care the dogs were not receiving. Lets put it this way, on the surface it appeared that she was coping but she wasn't keeping them clean, or remembering to feed them. The crunch came when I had a dog with a raging skin condition that had been left untreated and then a very elderly dog in heart failure that went unrecognised. I lived 4 hours away and it was hard to keep track of what the heck was going on. Going on what I have experienced I would not recommend any form of live animal, not because they wouldn't love it, but the level of care needed would not happen.

In my case, I took the dogs away and (unfortunately in my case) mother came too.

 

[Jools1402]

I would also say don't do it. Although your Mom may be able to take care of a pet adequately at the moment this may not last long. My Mum took on a dog in her late 80s which eventually had to be put to sleep - very sad.

 

[MaNaAk]

I cared for dad and our two tortoises. Dad loved Jacky and Daisy to bits but Alzheimer's progressed he became childlike and a couple of times he thought it was funny to turn them on their backs. Luckily we were there because if a tortoise was on their back for too long they will die and that's if they haven't been attacked by a dog or fox. This is one of my more upsetting memories but I have been able to come to terms with it because I have been able to talk about it on this forum.

MaNaAk

 

[annieka 56]

I would gently suggest that getting a cat for an elderly person with dementia is not a good idea.
The idea of someone sitting and stroking a pet is nice but the reality is different.
Cat litter trays are the devil's own work and when cats go out and wander it's stressful.
My husband had a beloved and loyal dog, they were devoted to each other for 5 years.
Their daily walks became a source of great stress however to all of us and his dog became protective.
Then one day the dog collapsed in the garden. (It turned out he had had a haemorrhage from a tumour on his spleen common apparently in German shepherds) but while me and my son were organising the very difficult pick up to take a large dog to the vet, and someone to be with my husband for a couple of hours, my husband walked past and said "oh he's dead." And carried on with his pacing.

 

[tinythai]

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate your insight and perspectives. I neglected to say that someone is with her almost every day, during the day, and could make sure that the cat's needs are being taken care of. Nevertheless, you all raise very good points and I will think about this carefully.
Also, appreciate your letting me "crash" your UK online support forum. I've looked for something similar in the US and haven't been able to find a comparable forum. Thanks for the support!

 

[jugglingmum]

Prior to diagnosis but with hindsight when mum clearly had dementia, she started being a bit rough with our very timid cat. Mum was mid early stages then.

Mum lived several hours away and visited every 6 weeks or so.

She would go upstairs to find the cat, who was asleep, bring her downstairs and forcibly hold her on her lap. We would keep asking mum not to do this ( no idea what dementia was at this stage) but mum would insist this would make the cat more sociable. We didn't see much if the cat for a couple of weeks afterwards. No amount of supervision would have prevented this with hindsight.

Separately my MIL (aged 97 now and walks with a stick) has owned cats for decades. Her elderly cat died during covid lock down and friends suggested she got another one, but she felt that as her mobility had declined the cat had increasingly become a trip hazard and didn't get another one.

Even if others are about much of the time, I really don't think it a good idea at mid stage dementia.

 

[Kevinl]

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate your insight and perspectives. I neglected to say that someone is with her almost every day, during the day, and could make sure that the cat's needs are being taken care of. Nevertheless, you all raise very good points and I will think about this carefully.
Also, appreciate your letting me "crash" your UK online support forum. I've looked for something similar in the US and haven't been able to find a comparable forum. Thanks for the support!

More than welcome, my mum was an american too, one of the reasons I post on here, moved to the UK to help out during world war 2 and stayed.
Rules, regulations, benefits vary by nation, caring knows no boarders, it's international. K

 

[Hawrk]

Hi my mum lost her dog n she had dogs all her life but the last 12 months of the little dogs life , she over fed him , over dosed his med , but really loved him but her dementia took hold n I’m sad to say we had the little man put to sleep as he was very sick which this was due to mum. I tried with food , phone calls , post it notes , white boards n still mum couldn’t care for him ,so I would say no to any pet as it will be another thing for you the main carers to be concerned about , sorry to be so plant but it is what it is , you or other carers don’t need anymore stress on you believe me , this Dementia lark is along hall of a full time job , get a cuddle toy cat might work , keep going , keep talking n try n not take things to heart , easier said then done , good luck

 

[JHA]

Afraid I am of the opinion that a cat would be a huge mistake. Have you seen the furreal type toy cats they are very realistic and you might get away with one of those, get it a basket, brush etc. Just make sure it doesnt get fed or possibly provide dry kibble type food then throw it away as if it has eaten.

 

[backin]

Also a trip hazard!

 

[Jenaсalius]

My grandma has been living with a cat for 10 years, whom she loves very much. But now, after reading some advice, I don't know what to do. I guess I should think about where the cat could be relocated in case of deterioration?

 

[backin]

My grandma has been living with a cat for 10 years, whom she loves very much. But now, after reading some advice, I don't know what to do. I guess I should think about where the cat could be relocated in case of deterioration?

Won't anyone in the family take it?

 

[RM3]

Hi. Just thought I would mention that a lady I used to visit as a carer, had a soft toy dog. It was so lovely to watch her interact with the dog - talk to it, cuddle it and stroke it. It appeared to bring her so much pleasure.

 

[upsanddownsdays]

I got my mum a dog in COVID times which was a great comfort to her then . She walked it and he was her best friend . Then came the dementia diagnosis . I was so worried she would forget to bring him in at night when she let him out . Now she is in care , he lives with us and I take him to see her . They adore each other . Mum carries a teddy dog round with her and sleeps with it . Quite hard to get your head around the fact that she sleeps with this toy dog but it brings her a great source of comfort . Xx