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Persuading mum to go into a care home

BD123

Registered User
May 15, 2015
2
Hi, I am new to this forum, but I would really appreciate a bit of help. My mum (91) has dementia which has got noticeably worse in the last few months. She has always been very independent and has lived on her own for 36 years. There are two of us ( also a neighbour ) who care for her but she is becoming more demanding and we have reached the point where she could not support herself without our constantly
being available. The pressure is beginning to affect my relationship with my partner, who my mum has never really accepted so I feel that we are approaching the time when she will have to go into a care home. Every time I mention the subject to mum she gets angry and wont admit there is anything wrong with her. I know her quality of life will be better in a home but I just dont know how to persuade her. She has been to lunch at the care home which we like and seems to enjoy it there but as soon as she gets home she says she does,nt want to go there. Can anyone give me any advice on how to have this difficult conversation to persuade her
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,131
Scotland
Would it be possible to extend this lunch into an afternoon visit where you leave her with the staff, then an overnight stay etc.

I was told last week to start looking for a care home and took my husband for a visit to one nearby with lovely grounds. He was quite accepting of the idea of a short stay.

Of course I don't know how he will be when it comes to the actuality but I am working on getting him used to the idea.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
there may be no way of ever persuading her if she has no insight into her condition. Even if you do persuade her one day, she may have forgotten ten minutes later and disagree again.
However, it is worth trying by pushing any buttons you can because if you don't you will always wonder whether you didn't do enough....no easy answers with this illness.

If you dont get agreement from your mum then I think you have to accept the rather undesirable role of good daughter/son and take responsibility, making difficult decisions on her behalf.