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Person with dementia thinks they are "on the otherside"

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by copsham, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. copsham

    copsham Registered User

    Oct 11, 2012
    The title of this post says it all. My mother has either Vasc dementia or Alzheimers or both - professionals disagree. She is in a nursing home sleeps most of the day, just gets up for meals or occassionally joins in an activity. I am always impressed with the quality of the nursing home and she is quite content mostly.

    She has begun telling amazing stories, about the dog that came in and bit her (not true) about my brother not helping her (not true) and what he is doing with his life. She thinks she is in a nice hotel but she has got to move on does know where she is going but she is very excited etc.

    Today I took her our for a 20 mins drive and she laid back in the seat so contented as if she were sun bathing. She said its lovely being shown around by you but I wish I could show you around "up there". She said it is so nice "up there" you would really like it but you are down here. Didn't you know I was up there? To check out what she was talking I about asked her if she had seen any one up there. She said she had seen her parents (died long ago). She hadn't seen her twins yet as they are in a special place, but she will see them soon (died 68 yrs ago). She told me there weren't any angels up there but it is really lovely. And so our conversation went on in this vein.

    I felt a bit uneasy thinking this should be put in to the category of one of her many fabrications but it seemed so real. I thought has she had a near death experience? Is she preparing for her death? Has her soul left her body? What does anyone make of this?

    I know it really depends on our individual religious beliefs but has any one else cared for someone with these ideas?
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    She is so lucky to be so happy! I would let her enjoy being in heaven for as long you can. If it is just imagination then good on her and if she has had a glimpse of the future then she's had more than the rest of us. This is a feel good story and we don't get many of those.
  3. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    My Dad really enjoys the music he hears yet cannot understand why I can't hear it. I tell him that I am more deaf than him and he accepts that, lovely
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    oh this is such a lovely story! I think it is really wonderful that she is so happy and content and has somewhere so lovely to go to and spend her time. Long may it last, I would get into that bubble with her and enjoy it too xxx
  5. Raggedrobin

    Raggedrobin Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    I think that is a rather lovely thing. Copsham. My mother sometimes says things which sound quite profound and I have wondered if she is preparing for death, and to join others. We shall never know, if it is a trick of the mind, or something spiritual.
  6. Goldsmith

    Goldsmith Registered User

    Oct 21, 2015
    Maldon, Essex
    I read this in wonder, all I have heard about from carers is the struggle, the anxious feelings and the heartbreak so this is refreshing and comforting. Your mum sounds lovely and I hope she continues to be so happy.
  7. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    It's wonderful that your Mother sounds so contented in her heavenly world. What a beautiful story!
  8. looviloo

    looviloo Registered User

    May 3, 2015
    I would like to think there is something spiritual happening, but whatever it is (trick of the mind etc), it sounds lovely and long may it continue! I would be happy if my dad could feel this way... perhaps he will in time. So much nicer than struggling and being anxious :). I would do what you did, and go along with it and perhaps even learn something about my own beliefs along the way! Thanks for sharing.
  9. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    South Devon

    This is a previous post regarding my husbands NDE many years ago. It does sound as if your mother is sometimes "between two worlds" and this should be a comfort to you both. My husband is in a care home now and often mentions that his mother comes to visit and is looking after him. Who am I to argue ??

    I am probably going off the subject here but have just read the following from Scarlett123..(Apologies in advance if this post offends anyone.)

    "]Looking back on the past 4 months, I have a huge void in my life, and my heart, and would give anything to hear John's voice, and feel him giving me a cuddle, but I tell myself he is at peace now - and there's no Alzheimer's in heaven."

    This statement brought to mind an incident that happened to my husband John back in 1969. We had only been married for a year and one Sunday he went out with some friends for drink, (which incidentally he never got round to having,) I was getting worried as he was late coming home for lunch when there was a knock on the door and one of his friends was standing there telling me John had collapsed and was in hospital. I later found out that an off duty medic who was with John at the time told me later John was not breathing and had no pulse. John against all odds came round in hospital wired up to loads of machines etc. but after numerous tests the doctors could find nothing wrong with him ! Several weeks later John was at home resting up and having some time off work and we were discussing what had happened. It was then John described his NDE, he told me at the time he was officially "dead" he was floating through a beautiful tunnel of light and everything was so calm and peaceful, as he reached the end of the tunnel he could see a lovely garden which he wanted to enter but as he approached hands appeared in front of him pushing him back and a voice was telling him it was not his time and that he should go back... This incident stayed with John throughout his life and he always told me he had no fear of death, so when the inevitable happens I will always remember John's experience, and as Scarlett so eloquently put it ; "There is no Alzheimer's in Heaven.
    One day John will get his wish and go back to that garden...
  10. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    Thanks for sharing this, Amber. I believe such experiences are not uncommon. Whatever 'actually' happened anything that helps people cope with the fact that they will die is surely to welcomed.
  11. copsham

    copsham Registered User

    Oct 11, 2012
    Thank you

    Thank you for all of the supportive feedback you have given to me. The sad thing is my mother has had such a horrible life that where she is now is wonderful. She does not have to worry about enough money to feed the children. She is away from bullying husband. She sometimes thinks she is in a hotel sometimes in heaven. Her biggest worry is how to get to an opticians appt when there is no appointment. I know I am lucky to have a contented mum but she certainly deserves to be - on second thought though everyone deserves to be. Thanks again the understanding is great!

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