People coming into the house

[LouiseMarie]

Hi, I'm new and am caring for my grandmother who is 90 and has dementia. At the moment she is being 'visited' both day and night by people who she thinks we have sent in. These people range from single men who visit at night to groups of people in the day. It is all very scary for her as you all no doubt know but my question is, do I (as I have so far been) try to convince her that these people aren't real - which seems to add to her anxiety and alienation - or go along with her conversation as if the people visiting are real, which may then be more terrifying? She is at home and we are nearby but we know that things may not get better now. The visitors have prompted her to use her lifeline and to call the police out but how do I deal with those conversations? I find it so difficult... Any advice? X

 

[Butter]

Welcome LouiseMarie. I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother. She must be really frightened. It sounds as if she should not be on her own? These terrors can be a common symptom and they might be eased with a re-assessment of her medication?

I think you can agree that it is frightening, take her back to her GP and try and make sure she has company at night.

 

[LouiseMarie]

Thanks for replying - yes she has had her medication adjusted for this as it is quite recent however doc said it could take up to 7 days to settle. She is on minimal dose as she is so frail. I think moving her in with us has to be the next step...

 

[Noorza]

Thanks for replying - yes she has had her medication adjusted for this as it is quite recent however doc said it could take up to 7 days to settle. She is on minimal dose as she is so frail. I think moving her in with us has to be the next step...

The advice from the professionals I have spoken to is don't argue with her, don't tell her they don't exist, acknowledge them, whilst not agreeing and change the subject.

Though with mum it didn't help, mum's visitors weren't frightening, she liked them so I could talk about them with her as they didn't distress her. Her first visitors were her own children and different ages but she'd get mad when we didn't answer her.

 

[Jessbow]

I explain who they are, or simply say ''Oh well I wonder what HE wanted''

Mum had the whole fire brigade in the airing cupboard one night! ( needless so say not a fireman in sight by the morning )

Do they actually scare her? Or do you imagine it must be scarey for her?

Mum doesn't seem bothered, and when I have asked her what she thought they were doing , she says she thought I sent them.

Two men often put Mums TV on after she's gone to bed and watch the football

 

[LouiseMarie]

Thanks for the replies. The ones in the day don't seem to bother her too much but the night visitor was scary - she was sobbing afterwards. It does seem to be triggered by change eg I was going to set up a monitoring system them two men visited to 'check the wires' then we told her to put the chain on the door and someone phoned to tell her to take it off, we bought her a CD player but someone visited to say it was too loud etc etc. It's hard because you want to do things but end up causing more stress!!

The fire brigade in the airing cupboard tickled me - your replies are so comforting knowing we are not alone.

One thing that does help is taking my 9 month old up to see her - her maternal instinct kicks in I think and I have my nan back for a short time

 

[Fed Up]

We had this with mum simple answer distract and just say oh right did they, do not argue as you can't win.
One point though try not to put the chain on a door unless it is a two way access one as in an emergency she just might need the ambulance men.
Then when fiction becomes reality you might need to get the fireman in !!