1. Good1177

    Good1177 New member

    Aug 18, 2019
    My Dad has dementia, he requires constant care and support. He no longer leaves the house and requires Mum to do many personal care jobs for him. It is my Mum I am most worried over as Dad hates to be left and gets very upset. This has had the effect of stopping Mums life.
    With my brother who also lives at home with them, he has severe depression and anger issues. Mum is frightened of him. He will not see any medical professionals.
    Mum is hardly eating, continually says she doesn't care about things and if she talks will end up on the edge of tears.
    This is a tragic and horrendous situation for all caught in it.
    Please can anyone advise on who I can reach out to, that can offer help and support to my Mum.
    Apologies for the length.
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Good1177 you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there



    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

    Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
  3. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    Hi @Good1177 , welcome to tp from me . Sure more experienced members will be along soon with some good advice soon.
    I’m sorry to hear about the tough time your Mum is having , caring is so very hard and draining , I too care for my pwd and a teenager with severe mental health issues . It’s tricky and hard going and sometimes I could just happily drive away in to the sunset . Could you or a good friend talk to your brother and try to get him to seek some help ? I know how difficult it is to get them to engage , my teenager would only seek help online at first until a few crisis led to hospital admission and then intervention by mental health team . Can anyone take over from mum if only for a few hours to give her a break . Maybe she could call the Admiral Nurse helpline , sorry I don’t know the link but I rang them and they were brilliant and so supportive, they are purely to support the carer . I’m glad she has you to talk to as that will help . Wishing you strength . Keep posting as there is a lot of people going through similar and can offer great advice and support .
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Good1177
    a warm welcome to DTP
    your mum sounds to have an awful lot on her plate, no wonder you are concerned about her
    Admiral Nurses may well be able to help

    has your dad had an assessment of his care needs by his Local Authority Adult Services, as he has a right to this ... and your mum has a right to a carer's assessment ... maybe you could make contact for her and stress that you are really worried about her, she may be reaching carer breakdown
    from this a care package should be put together ie home care visits, day care, respite and aids in their home ... hopefully this will take some of the strain off your mum, as long as she will accept support and you are ready to help her with your dad who may resist any arrangements

    you can look into applying for Attendance Allowance which only depends on the level of your dad's care needs, it is not means tested ... the benefit will help with care fees

    personally, I would write to their GP to fill them in on your dad's present behaviour/condition and especially how everything is affecting your mum, with your concerns for her ... it may seem like going behind their backs, though how is the GP to know your mum is so greatly affected if no-one tells them

    keep posting, there's lots of sympathy and help on offer from members

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