Parents in denial and angry with me

[Ali1234]

Hello. Thank you very much for sharing your story. I noticed what you said: "They were ok with that". I think I have to accept that, for the time being, my parents feel that they are okay. I just worry about the future. But maybe, as the situation with your parents shows, when my parents can't cope anymore, it will be obvious, and the doctor and social services will help sorting things out. I have reconciled with my father. We don't talk about my mother, though. I have decided to back off for now. I hope your parents will get the help they need.

 

[Ali1234]

I have reconciled with my father.

Glad to hear it. good luck with the future

 

[magasala]

Glad to hear it. good luck with the future

Thank you very much.

 

[magasala]

I'm glad you've reached some sort of reconciliation with your parents, as long as you don't mention the elephant in the room...

Although they won't accept organised help right now, there's nothing to stop you looking into care homes in the area and checking out what's available should your mum need to go into care or whether they offer respite care. It's hard to prepare for a crisis when you don't know what it will be or when it will happen but this is something you can do now that will be useful for the future.

Believe me, trying to find a care home when an emergency happens is not easy so any research you do now will help.

Hello. Thank you very much. I have been asking around about care homes, so I know which ones are good. Thanks again.

 

[canary]

Might I make one other small suggestion? I hope I do not offend anyone with this.

Do not promise your dad that your mum will never go into a home.

It is not possible to keep this promise and if you make it and then break it, the guilt will eat you up. Mum wanted me to make this promise about her, but fortunately I didnt. Instead, I promised to do everything I could, to do what was the very best for her. She did move into a care home, her care there was wonderful and I felt that I had kept my promise.

 

[SeaSwallow]

I would agree with @canary so many people have posted on the forums about how guilty they feel because they promised not to place a loved one in a care home and then in the end it was necessary.

 

[Chaplin]

It’s good to hear you have reconciled with your parents. Your situation sounds like my aunt and uncle a few years ago. My aunt had Lewy Body dementia but her husband buried his head in the sand about her condition. His daughters rallied round and tried to do all they could unbeknown to them at the time, my uncle had lung cancer. He died within weeks of them finding out so they sadly had his death to deal with, then finding suitable care for their mum. It was a really difficult situation.
But as others have said, you just have to wait until a crisis occurs. It’s tough trying to get support without a diagnosis but look after your own health so that you are ready to react when the time comes. Hope your dad is as comfortable as possible too.

 

[magasala]

Thanks for sharing. It's sort of comforting to hear that others have similar experiences, even if it's sad og difficult experiences.

 

[magasala]

Might I make one other small suggestion? I hope I do not offend anyone with this.

Do not promise your dad that your mum will never go into a home.

It is not possible to keep this promise and if you make it and then break it, the guilt will eat you up. Mum wanted me to make this promise about her, but fortunately I didnt. Instead, I promised to do everything I could, to do what was the very best for her. She did move into a care home, her care there was wonderful and I felt that I had kept my promise.

Thank you for the warning. I won't make this promise.