Parent difficulties

[MadLiz]

Hi. I am new to talking point, but my parents, particularly my Mum are driving me mad. Dad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia a few years back after my Mum, who is down as his carer insisted. The trouble is that Mum is showing definite signs of succumbing herself (forgetting where she is, what she is doing, putting the strangest things in the fridge, leaving the gas on, lit and unlit at night, incontinence, yet refusing to let me wash her clothes. She had the first part of the dementia diagnosis done by the GP about a year ago, and the GP was going to refer her on, but she refused. She is very good at hiding her problems from nurses etc. (she has input from the macular clinic, and is registered partially sighted). When I phoned the GP to ask for help he just said "Well, what do you think I can do about it?"

 

[SnowWhite]

Hi MadLiz

Welcome to the Forum. Others who know more than I do will be along soon. GPs aren't always very helpful with dementia patients (being diplomatic!). Have you contacted Social Services? They can be slow to react, so best to contact them as soon as possible. Tell them that your parents are 'vulnerable' adults, who are 'at risk'. These are buzzwords that should get them to take notice. SS should assess their needs and draw up a care plan - but may need a lot of pushing. Good luck!

A nurse told me this week that if you want to get anywhere the buzz word to use to get things moving is "safeguarding".

 

[Amere]

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[Amere]

If it's any consolation mine is driving me "insane" and seems to do it to me only as if I am her victim of choice.

 

[MadLiz]

A nurse told me this week that if you want to get anywhere the buzz word to use to get things moving is "safeguarding".

Thanks for your responses. The reason I would like her to be diagnosed is that when I went to Social Services after she had had a hospital admission earlier this year she wouldn't allow their staff in as she says she doesn't need any help. I am spending 6 hours or so a day every day there to keep things going, but as she is deemed to have capacity they say they can't do anything about it, so I have no help. This is affecting my mental health.

 

[Amere]

Thanks for your responses. The reason I would like her to be diagnosed is that when I went to Social Services after she had had a hospital admission earlier this year she wouldn't allow their staff in as she says she doesn't need any help. I am spending 6 hours or so a day every day there to keep things going, but as she is deemed to have capacity they say they can't do anything about it, so I have no help. This is affecting my mental health.

Mine does the same, "doesn't need any help, can look after herself, says both her parents are still alive (not)" etcetera and sometimes wakes me every hour throughout the night, so when I'm not extremely overtired I'm stressed and frustrated and sort of go under trying, and when I surface again and get an overview of what my life has become I get depressed. So effect it does.

 

[yak55]

Hi. I am new to talking point, but my parents, particularly my Mum are driving me mad. Dad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia a few years back after my Mum, who is down as his carer insisted. The trouble is that Mum is showing definite signs of succumbing herself (forgetting where she is, what she is doing, putting the strangest things in the fridge, leaving the gas on, lit and unlit at night, incontinence, yet refusing to let me wash her clothes. She had the first part of the dementia diagnosis done by the GP about a year ago, and the GP was going to refer her on, but she refused. She is very good at hiding her problems from nurses etc. (she has input from the macular clinic, and is registered partially sighted). When I phoned the GP to ask for help he just said "Well, what do you think I can do about it?"

Maybe MadLiz social services could help? Or carers through the day?
Is there a carers advisor at your gp surgery?
And most important, do you have LPA for both your parents? It's a must have.
Good luck, there is help,out there and I hope you find it x