Paranoia becoming evident

[greatmeadow]

Hi all - jst wondered if anyone had any thoughts, tips or guidance on when paranoia or suspicious behaviour becomes an issue. My wife (early onset, with PPA adding complications, and aged 57) is convinced the neighbours are talking about her in a nasty way. I have been round and explained to them if they come across this it is the condition, and not my wife as they have known her. They have been friends for 10 years, are worried for her/us, and would be people I would turn to for help if I was in a tight situation.

I know this is a typical symptom, but it is hard to deal with especially as it is now hugely difficult to understand what my wife is actually saying.

All advice etc appreciated

 

[Witzend]

Hello - I'm so sorry you've got all this worry, especially with you wife so young. My mother tended to be a bit paranoid and suspicious anyway, so of course it only got a lot worse - she was accusing nEighbours and family of all sorts, though with the neighbours thank heaven it was not to their faces, though she could be very 'off' with them.

I soon found that any kind of logical argument or even proof was no use - just said e..g. Dear me, that's terrible, I'll get on to the police/a solicitor first thing tomorrow. or , Never mind, I don't know where on earth they got that idea - I'll have a word next time I see them and put them straight. And that would pacify her for the moment.

I believe there is medication that can help with this sort of thing - might be worth asking the GP if there's anything to help soothe her, because it must be distressing for her. As far as the neighbours go, all you can really do is explain that she can't help it and ask them please not to take offence, but I expect you've done that already.
All the best.

 

[LYN T]

Hi

Sorry I have no advice as such-just sympathy as my husband went through a phase of paranoia where he believed that I was talking about him and telling people 'what he was like'. However, like many phases of Dementia he has now forgotten his worries in that direction. Good idea to talk to the neighbours- they sound lovely.

Take care

Lyn T

 

[RobinH]

paranoia

Hi

Sorry to hear of your problems. I think the advice is not to argue, but not to reinforce either. So, if it's presented as a problem, like 'someone stole my x', say either you'll find it, or find a new one.

The other trick is diversion. Talk about something else. There's no point arguing, as her reasoning is not up to it. I think paranoia is an understandable reaction to the scariness of being confused all the time, just like anxiety or depression. Not sure why some people go one way and some another.

If you can pre-warn any visitors, that might help. I think there's a helpful download that someone will know of, perhaps hand out before a visit. If she really takes against some people, they may have to stay away for a while and see if it passes. Remember it's the disease, not the person you know, and it's neither her fault nor yours.

Robin

 

[Grannie G]

My husband was paranoid too greatmeadow and there was nothing I could do or say to make it easier for him.

It is very difficult to deal with , especially if language is going. If your wife has trouble expressing herself she may still understand comforting words. It`s just a case of trying anything and everything and hoping something will work.

 

[greatmeadow]

Thanks all - sound advice, and suggests thast what I'm trying to do is the best approach. The reasoning certainly didn't work, which I found hard and alien to natural instinct. Our Alzheimers contact has been reassuring, and she advised to let the neighbours know, which I've done. I guess I'm afraid of losing their friendship and probable help.

I have reassured her that I will speak to them, and even made a phone call, talking to the dialling tone for 5 minutes. It still continues, but she does seem a little easier when I suggest I'm dealing with it, although of course it then reoccurs.

Appreciate all your responses.

 

[Witzend]

Hi

Sorry to hear of your problems. I think the advice is not to argue, but not to reinforce either. So, if it's presented as a problem, like 'someone stole my x', say either you'll find it, or find a new one.

The other trick is diversion. Talk about something else.
Robin

Thing is, diversion/distraction is all very well if it works, but sometimes it doesn't. when my mother had some obsessive, angry bee in her bonnet it didn't matter what I tried - she would instantly go back to whatever it was - e.g. Her sister had 'stolen' their mother's house - and she would go on and on and on and ON - and sometimes these obsessions would last for weeks.

So the only way for me was to say whatever would pacify her for the moment - whether it was a thumping great fib or not - and TBH it didn't much matter anyway since she would forget whatever I said so quickly anyway, which meant I could use the same whopping-fib pacifier over and over.

Of course nobody likes to have to fib, but I was very soon past caring about any moral or ethical aspect - anything for a bit of P and Q from the same old endless thing, even for just a few minutes. Might add that I did feel absolutely awful at first, agreeing that my lovely aunt was a shameless house-thief, but thankfully she was never going to know.

 

[Noorza]

The paranoia is very hard to deal with and it can drive you bonkers. Mum is currently convinced an old family friend has been in the house following her around imitating how she walks. He's 80 years old, I was in the house at the time and naturally it didn't happen.

i was totally devastated last year when my mum became convinced that I'd stolen her bank account, not the money, but the account. She told the family, most didn't believe her, my sister knowing she has dementia took her to town, got her to open new account and told her to hide it from me and not to give me her bank card or account details.

I've been mum's power of attorney for 20 years, my sister doesn't even live in the same town and was only visiting at that time a few times a year. She then used this to get mum to take me to court (mum didn't understand what was happening, it was very very cruel IMO) to have the PoA taken from me and given to her.

She failed of course as she'd committed a few fraudulent acts with a confused old lady and would have got herself arrested if she'd continued. Brother could be in trouble too for helping himself to her savings, so sister had to stop.

I think personally that this was gross abuse of a vulnerable person as it led mum to distrust the only person who was caring for her and totally abused her paranoia to the point she was acting out and along with the paranoia and confirming all was true when she knew it wasn't.

My sister was a CPN!

I would write a book about it but I don't think anyone would believe me.