Hi Everyone,
I've just joined the forum and what a great source of information and support. I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment and need a safe place to vent. Makes a huge difference speaking to people who can empathise and understand.
My dad (70yrs and working full time) was diagnosed with mild vascular dementia/alzheimer's last year and currently on elelon patches. He has high b/p and diabetes. I had noticed some changes for a number of years but no one in the family wanted to address it and kept saying it was old age. I suspected something more and made a list of his behavioural changes and finally got the Dr to run tests, refer to the consultant which is when they diagnosed his condition.
At first the low dose patches were great he was less withdrawn, happy, calmer, seemed a tad less confused but still got things a little wrong and repeated. Then came the higher dose patches and he has reverted back to how he was before any medication. I have mentioned this to the nurses but they dismiss my concerns. He had a memory test yesterday and scored 28/30, last check was 30/30 and the time before 27/30. I've noticed him getting more confused, frustrated, withdrawn, literally going round in circles physically in supermarkets, he is aggressive to those outside the family and seems like he has a lot on his mind. The nurses told he I must inform the dvla about his condition and said they had already mentioned this to my dad many months ago. You would think they would tell someone who could remember so I could action it! My dad is scared of loosing his licence and independence.
My mum was allegedly told to come to the hospital with my dad and she would have coffee with the social worker and a chit chat in the canteen while my dad and I had his appointment. She did not tell me till 10.30pm the night before. She also didn't know who, what time or what day she was due to visit. Then she said the unreliable social worker was of ill. I told her to ring before hand and confirm the appt. I didn't want my mum travelling with us in the car as my dad needs calm before his memory test. However I gave her the option of confirming the appt. She threw a tantrum and said no she did not want to come an dug her heels in. She is like a spoilt brat. Then whilst waiting at the hsp I heard my mums voice she was leaving a message for the social worker claiming the situation was 'delicate' at home. I'm sick of her games, she twists things to make herself look good.
I live at home with my folks and look after them. My mum has some sort of mental issue in my opinion and antagonises my dad. She feed of his condition, has zero empathy and makes things worse for me often purposely saying unclear things so that my dad can not comprehend. I organised a social worker to come round for her and educate her about alzheimer's but the social worker has done nothing and has an excuse for running late, forgetting or re-scheduling almost every appointment. My mum says she cant cope with my dad and has told me she does not want to learn about his condition, why should she. The folks don't get on 85% of the time- arguing and not talking for weeks so I'm used as the go between. My dad told her to get out his life in a heated argument over the weekend and she replied with why should I. My mum has had a mini stroke, doesn't look after herself- diabetes, sciatica. She attention seeks and hates me talking or looking after my dad. Her mood changes 6 times a day. One minute she is talking to me the next totally blanking me till she needs something. She is cocky, highly manipulative and an emotional blackmailer. She plays games and like to be the victim and mutters every time my dad speaks and the poor thing cant keep up. Frankly she is just plain rude. She pushes my dad and expects to live like a princess wanting to spend, spend, spend and my dad gives in to her for an easy life but nothing is good enough, she finds fault with everything.
I got her referred to the memory consultant and her MRI was fine and and she passed the 3 min basic memory test. She keeps riveting in the fact she has been told she has no memory issues. However the consultant ignore the fact she tends to drive on the wrong side of the road and thinks its funny. Its not. She confused the shower gel and air freshener, leaves the windows open and heats the house then continues to tell me the utility bills have increased! She is very selective with what she tells outsiders. She forgets to lock the car but apparently the medical profession think she is in control of her faculties.
I hate that he is a stressful environment. I don't know if my dads condition is getting worse due to the stress in the house or if it is a natural progression of the disease. The nurses keep telling me he will get worse and to prepare myself.
I don't know what to do about my mum and her behaviour is impacting and changing the dynamics of the house and making my dad unhappy. The nurses say my mum is not their patient and therefore cant help even if it effects my dad. My Dr cant help. My mum wont give permission for me to be present in her Dr appt so I can bring this up either.....
I'm tired, I do everything in the house and job hunt. My mum stops talking and makes me feel guilty if I want to see friends who unfortunately live far. I don't have a support network. I do have a brother and sister who don't want to get involved and when they do on the rare occasions they make things worse and I have to deal with it. I think they could be doing more to help or have empathy for my role.
So thats my story, do things get any better? Does anyone know what to do about my mum?
Thank you!!
I've just joined the forum and what a great source of information and support. I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment and need a safe place to vent. Makes a huge difference speaking to people who can empathise and understand.
My dad (70yrs and working full time) was diagnosed with mild vascular dementia/alzheimer's last year and currently on elelon patches. He has high b/p and diabetes. I had noticed some changes for a number of years but no one in the family wanted to address it and kept saying it was old age. I suspected something more and made a list of his behavioural changes and finally got the Dr to run tests, refer to the consultant which is when they diagnosed his condition.
At first the low dose patches were great he was less withdrawn, happy, calmer, seemed a tad less confused but still got things a little wrong and repeated. Then came the higher dose patches and he has reverted back to how he was before any medication. I have mentioned this to the nurses but they dismiss my concerns. He had a memory test yesterday and scored 28/30, last check was 30/30 and the time before 27/30. I've noticed him getting more confused, frustrated, withdrawn, literally going round in circles physically in supermarkets, he is aggressive to those outside the family and seems like he has a lot on his mind. The nurses told he I must inform the dvla about his condition and said they had already mentioned this to my dad many months ago. You would think they would tell someone who could remember so I could action it! My dad is scared of loosing his licence and independence.
My mum was allegedly told to come to the hospital with my dad and she would have coffee with the social worker and a chit chat in the canteen while my dad and I had his appointment. She did not tell me till 10.30pm the night before. She also didn't know who, what time or what day she was due to visit. Then she said the unreliable social worker was of ill. I told her to ring before hand and confirm the appt. I didn't want my mum travelling with us in the car as my dad needs calm before his memory test. However I gave her the option of confirming the appt. She threw a tantrum and said no she did not want to come an dug her heels in. She is like a spoilt brat. Then whilst waiting at the hsp I heard my mums voice she was leaving a message for the social worker claiming the situation was 'delicate' at home. I'm sick of her games, she twists things to make herself look good.
I live at home with my folks and look after them. My mum has some sort of mental issue in my opinion and antagonises my dad. She feed of his condition, has zero empathy and makes things worse for me often purposely saying unclear things so that my dad can not comprehend. I organised a social worker to come round for her and educate her about alzheimer's but the social worker has done nothing and has an excuse for running late, forgetting or re-scheduling almost every appointment. My mum says she cant cope with my dad and has told me she does not want to learn about his condition, why should she. The folks don't get on 85% of the time- arguing and not talking for weeks so I'm used as the go between. My dad told her to get out his life in a heated argument over the weekend and she replied with why should I. My mum has had a mini stroke, doesn't look after herself- diabetes, sciatica. She attention seeks and hates me talking or looking after my dad. Her mood changes 6 times a day. One minute she is talking to me the next totally blanking me till she needs something. She is cocky, highly manipulative and an emotional blackmailer. She plays games and like to be the victim and mutters every time my dad speaks and the poor thing cant keep up. Frankly she is just plain rude. She pushes my dad and expects to live like a princess wanting to spend, spend, spend and my dad gives in to her for an easy life but nothing is good enough, she finds fault with everything.
I got her referred to the memory consultant and her MRI was fine and and she passed the 3 min basic memory test. She keeps riveting in the fact she has been told she has no memory issues. However the consultant ignore the fact she tends to drive on the wrong side of the road and thinks its funny. Its not. She confused the shower gel and air freshener, leaves the windows open and heats the house then continues to tell me the utility bills have increased! She is very selective with what she tells outsiders. She forgets to lock the car but apparently the medical profession think she is in control of her faculties.
I hate that he is a stressful environment. I don't know if my dads condition is getting worse due to the stress in the house or if it is a natural progression of the disease. The nurses keep telling me he will get worse and to prepare myself.
I don't know what to do about my mum and her behaviour is impacting and changing the dynamics of the house and making my dad unhappy. The nurses say my mum is not their patient and therefore cant help even if it effects my dad. My Dr cant help. My mum wont give permission for me to be present in her Dr appt so I can bring this up either.....
I'm tired, I do everything in the house and job hunt. My mum stops talking and makes me feel guilty if I want to see friends who unfortunately live far. I don't have a support network. I do have a brother and sister who don't want to get involved and when they do on the rare occasions they make things worse and I have to deal with it. I think they could be doing more to help or have empathy for my role.
So thats my story, do things get any better? Does anyone know what to do about my mum?
Thank you!!
