My mum has been 'not eating' for a very long time and although her GP, the care home staff and I, have done our best to find a solution, I have now come to terms with the fact this is a conscious decision on her part and is her chosen way of ending her life. It has been heart-breaking to watch her slowly deteriorate week by week, month by month. She has gone from a size 20 to a size 8 over the last 2-3 years. She looks dreadful, almost skeletal and I have become used to the looks of pity she gets whenever we are out in public. She moved into a nursing home in 2021 and at first we had some happy times together lots of 'adventures' and days out. She improved psychologically and was very happy. Once she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's dementia she stopped eating. Now she finds it difficult to support her own weight and sit upright, she can't maintain a conversation. I am heart-broken and feel completely overwhelmed and lost because I have to watch her die drip by drip never knowing when it will happen and how to cope with it. It is no longer safe to take her out every week and she spends most of her days in bed just waiting to die. I feel like crying most of the time and don't know how to deal with this last stage of her life. I feel helpless and powerless and in limbo.
Overwhelmed and lost
- Thread starter PaulineHT
- Start date
I`m so sorry you are suffering even more than your mum @PaulineHT I hope she is pain free and comfortable however painful it is for you to witness.
Welcome to the forum. It`s a good place to share because so many of us, very sadly, know where you are.
Welcome to the forum. It`s a good place to share because so many of us, very sadly, know where you are.
I really really feel for you. I agree it his her choice and she should be allowed to make it, but so so hard for you. My Mum too decided to stop eating and drinking and just took to bed, and I too found it very very hard to accept, but I was very lucky that in her case she only lasted a few weeks. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I would read and sing to my Mum while I held her hand, not sure if it helped her but it helped me. My daughter would actually get up on the bed beside her and give her a cuddle.
Thank you it helps to know I am not alone in this. The singing idea is a good one. I like to sing and usually songs from previous eras so that might be something I could do.
