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Out of the fog

vmmh

Registered User
Jun 25, 2018
72
I have been dealing with my husband's dementia for 7 years now. Last year in October her took a BIG turn for the worse and I didn't think he would live much longer. Then he slowly began to improve - but not back to his previous level. Anyway I fell into a heavy grieving pattern and became almost consumed with thinking about loosing him and what it would be like to be left without him. I still went to work and did the daily things I needed to do but always felt like I was in a fog. As I struggled through this, he continued to maintain although at a low level. He is totally in left field mentally, is incontinent of both bowel and bladder, needs to be fed, and can only stand up for one or two minutes with 2 people holding him. He sits and plays with toys and smiles a lot but that's it. I am grateful that he is now pleasant. As this pattern has been ongoing now for 3 months, I find that I have relaxed a little and feel like the fog is lifting. I am more interested in "other" things, like the news, hobbies, etc. Yet I am still "waiting for the next shoe to drop", next crisis to come along. I think all this is normal but would really appreciate hearing from someone that has gotten to this stage on the dementia roller coaster and maybe give me some reassurance.
I am thinking of making a major life change for us, selling our home and moving closer to the place I work and to family. This would allow me to spend more time at home with my husband and would free up funds to pay out of pocket for his home care help. But I'm a little worried that I might not be thinking clearly enough to make this kind of decision.
Any thoughts would be welcome.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,072
Scotland
Given the severity of your husband's illness I think you are making good choices. Planning ahead is important although the future is unknown. You need to be thinking about what is best for you while keeping him safe and comfortable and you seem to be doing that. Good wishes @vmmh
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,801
Bristol
It's good when the fog lifts and you can think a bit more, sorry you have had such a hard time. I think your husband recovering, but never quite getting back to where he was before is normal with dementia and illness.
As for your plans, I agree with Marion that it seems like a very sensible move.