Out of sorts!!!!

[outofsorts]

I am new to this - my mom has Alzheimer's and at times is just awful to deal with. My dad is with her 24 hours/day and is not in the best of health - so it's extremely stressful on him (which worries me as well). She is accusing my niece of stealing a doll out of her house - which none of us believe has happened. Previously is was paper dolls (which seem to have appeared) - now it's a Barbie doll. She yells and gets hysterical because she says we are calling her a liar and putting up with a thief. I want to be able to find this doll (however, there are several - so how she knows the difference is beyond me)....but I'd like to prove to her that it didn't happen. It's awful and we are at our witts end. Any advice???? I know things will only get worse - I honestly don't know how I can deal with this. No matter what we say or do only seems to make things worse. HELP!

 

[PeggySmith]

Hi and welcome to talking point, you'll get lots of good advice here. As far as your mum's concerned though, don't argue with her. She believes what she's saying and contradicting her will only make her more confused which, in turn, makes her frightened, frustrated and angry.

Here's a link to a thread on compassionate communication which has helped a lot of us deal with what's happening.
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

Good luck with it all and keep posting, it really helps.

 

[FifiMo]

The problem is there is nothing you can do as you are both living in different realities. Your mum might be back in time where your cousin borrowed one of your dolls and there might be an element of truth in what she believes is happening today. With my mother she accused my cousin of stealing a canteen of cutlery. Even when we produced the thing she said it was another one! She even went to the police who contacted me and told me they were concerned for my cousin's safety such was mum's venom. Saddest thing is that her favourite niece never got forgiven and my mother died without having seen her again. We just couldn't risk it.

Only thing I can think of is that you buy one of those cheap dolls, put it in a box with the others and see if she thinks it has been found.

Fiona

 

[outofsorts]

Thank you

Thanks to all who have replied to me on this issue. My brother wanted to take his daughter in and have her show gma where the dolls where and what she was playing with - however, I told him I don't think what will make a difference. I hate that this is the memory that my niece will have of her gma. That breaks my heart!

We all try our best not to argue with her - I try to be helpful, however, of course she doesn't take it that way...and things end up getting worse as someone stated in their comment. Some days are okay and tolerable, but on the days that aren't, it more than makes up for any good ones we may have had. I'm hoping this will pass quickly and be gone for quite some time.

No one understand unless they have dealt with this or are dealing with this. So thank you to all for sharing with me.