Options for care at home for parent.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by User, Mar 23, 2015.

  1. User

    User Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    #1 User, Mar 23, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2015
    First, apologies for the "straight in" approach from a n00b. If it's inappropriate here, please will someone tell me.

    My AP (Aged Parent) is disabled due to age, arthritis and chronic venous ulcers, and has also developed mild (although it does not seem it) vascular dementia.

    A chest and water infection led to AP's hospitalisation. Discharge to a care home for "respite" will soon happen. Walking tens of yards/metres using a frame is possible, with some difficulty. AP is mentally quite logical, but of course can't remember many things, although other things "stick".

    Going into a care home is causing AP much anxiety/stress/weepiness. AP has said, repeatedly (and repeatedly...) that AP wants to be at home. I am exploring possibilities to make this possible, but have no real idea as this is rather new to me, hence the shout.

    AP is currently self-funding, lives alone, and has been receiving care visits from agency workers for some time, to the tune of nearly £1,000/month. AP lives in a decent-sized house, with 5/6 upstairs bedrooms, but lives downstairs, effectively in two rooms.

    The concerns of Social Services and the hospital is that AP will have an accident at home, and be returned to hospital and/or worse will happen, so if AP is going home, something should be organised.

    AP may perhaps come to like being in a care home, but is as I say much against it at the moment. I do not like the possibility of "forced choice", or AP giving up and saying OK I like it in this care home", when AP does not in fact like it and suffers mentally (of course, it is possible that AP will come to like it) - old people! Never complain! I am also concerned that AP will go downhill fast in a care home.

    Anyway, the possibility of family living with AP is limited but may be possible in some months.

    What are options?

    1) Say to AP "You must stay there at that care home". Let AP's house, or sell it, to fund.

    2) Somehow get extra care for AP.

    2i) Care home fees are £2,000+ per month. Agency home care is C.£1,000 pm. Possibly get a non-agency "friend" to visit, to the tune of £250 per week? N.B. Agcy won't work "with other agency workers", so a companion helper rather than a carer is needed.

    2ii) A live-in carer? There's certainly enough room, but I hear tell it's expensive. Would rent be part of the package, deductible against the fee?

    3) Something I haven't thought of yet.

    It's a pretty horrible experience for AP and others, all in all. I have been casting about for an organisation which might know about various plans and methods, and this is one such approach.

    Any ideas? I'm not sleeping at all well, and AP is distressed and frightened.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP.

    Could you tell your AP that they're going to a hotel to recuperate on doctors orders & take it from there?
  3. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Registered User

    Jul 2, 2012
    South West France
    My Mum was of the same mind as yours until she actually tried the care home which she's been in now for four months and LOVES!
    I went through the same soul searching as you and my biggest concern was her going downhill but that is so far from what's happening; she is thriving, well-fed, well cared-for, plenty of company and nothing to worry about.
    I persuaded her to give it a month's trial and she agreed even when, on the first two or three days, she stamped her feet like a four year old saying she wasn't staying!
    I thought of a live-in carer but, aside from the expense, you need at least 3 people and she wouldn't have had much more company than she had already.
    My Mum is paying 4k a month and it's worth every penny as far as I'm concerned. She is self funding and we are not a rich family but it's her money and if she's happy and safe, she can spend the lot.
    Mum is the best she's been for 5 years and her family is delighted.
    That's my two penny worth.
  4. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    You can get Au Pairs to act as companions for the elderly, have you considered that? Type it into google, there are a fair few agencies, I don't know which are the good ones but someone here might.
  5. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    Agreed - you don't have to say it's for ever. Some people say it's just till they're a bit better/stronger, doctor's orders, or just while they sort their meds out, doc's order again. If the person's short term memory is already pretty bad this may be 'recycled' many times.
  6. User

    User Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    #6 User, Mar 23, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2015
    Thank you for the comments so far. I hope for others. The crux of the matter is that AP wants to go home after respite care (does not want to be in hospital either), where AP has lived for over 50 years. If it can be made possible, and I'm convinced it can be in one way or another, then that is the way to go. It is ideas to facilitate that which will be most helpful - even information about other organisations, charitable or otherwise, who might be able to help with ideas.
  7. User

    User Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    #7 User, Mar 23, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2015
    Thank you for that. I had no idea. I will go off and "Google".
  8. Reverend James

    Reverend James Registered User

    Mar 22, 2015
    It all depends on your parent's assessment prior to discharge from hospital.

    Ask the nurses and doctors if they think caring at home is an option. If it is, you'll need to consider whether any modifications need to be made to the house and how many times a day help will be provided.

    If we could, we'd be happy with £2,000 a month care home fees as opposed to £900 a WEEK.

    The bottom line is to give your parent the best possible care you can afford in a safe and happy environment. Speak to your social worker for advice.
  9. ASM

    ASM Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015

    Due to my mothers recent death I have become carer for my father who has vascular dementia. I have been live in carer for them both for three months but had to make a decision about what next. A care home would mean removing my father from what little familiarity and routine he has still in tact is my view so I have arranged for live in care. It is expensive and it is early days but I have been able to move back to my home. The live in care option will provide all levels of care up to and including end of life care. I did not know it was an option until I read the very comprehensive local authority carers directory. The CQC website is very informative but it will take time to do the necessary research. My father has one carer for continuity, board and lodging is provided by us and his pensions and attendance allowance don't cover the full cost but researching a suitable care home will take time and probably be as expensive. My father does not really understand why a carer is necessary and he has got very upset when we have discussed the fact he can not stay at home on his own.. only to be forgotten almost immediately.. so I have had to make the decision and we are taking it a day at a time.
  10. Floria Tosca

    Floria Tosca Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    Nr Doncaster
    Just an idea!

    My in-laws lived an hour's drive away when father-in-law developed Dementia. Mother-in-law now also has Dementia. He's 90 and she's 88. Two years ago my Partner (who has Power of Attorney) moved them to a lovely 2 bed bungalow which is 5 minutes away from us. They love it there as everything is newish, warm and easy to maintain. Initially we had 2 private carers (who were paid by Mum & Dad) who took it in turns to go each day and cook them a hot meal and clean house etc. This worked well until Mother fell and broke her elbow last year. Since then she has declined rapidly and now has toilet issues. We now have 3 private carers who attend morning, noon, teatime and bedtime on a rota basis. We have set up a spreadsheet on the computer which works out their salaries, we have the food shopping delivered and the carers fill in a daily sheet we have prepared showing them what needs doing each day, they tick boxes on the sheet to cut out admin so they can spend more time doing the job. We did try Local Authority carers but they were rubbish so we sacked them. (Another story!) The total cost each week for the carers is about £175 which mostly comes out of Mum & Dad's Attendance Allowance and the rest from their Pension. You need to see what Benefits you can get from the Local Authority to help fund care in the home.
    Maybe your Parent won't want to move house but its worked for us and we're coping but its been a hard slog and takes up a lot of our time. Good Luck.:eek:
  11. pippop1

    pippop1 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2013
    Floria, do you mean £175 per week per carer? I assume you do or that would be a small amount of care (it would be about 10 hours where I live in London) if it is the total weekly charge. How many hours of care is it just out of interest? Thanks from Pippop1.
  12. Floria Tosca

    Floria Tosca Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    Nr Doncaster
    Carer Costs

    Hi. Sorry I took so long to reply, never get a minute these days!!
    £175 is the weekly cost in total. We pay £7 an hour which is the going rate round here (Yorkshire/Nottinghamshire). So its about 25 hours a week in total between the 3 of them. The carers live close by and are married with little kids and they love the fact they have a little pocket money job on their doorstep. Works well for everyone. We have little meetings to discuss the way forward and the carers leave notes for each other. Crossing fingers it carries on! :)
  13. submarine

    submarine Registered User

    Apr 5, 2013
    Sounds so tempting to organise private carers but the logistics give me more nightmares than the ones the LA carers give me!.
    I wonder what the going rate is in London?.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

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