Only child. Mum has been diagnosed

[maiseym]

Only Child and Caring for Mum

I feel so isolated and alone. I am an only child. My dad and I cared for mum who has dementia. Dad died last month and I am now the sole carer for mum. I am not married so I don't have that support. My friends are great phoning and checking up on me but because I live with mum in a village I feel so cut off and isolated. Mum has lost her speech so I can't have a conversation with her. I talk to her all the time but sometimes I don't think she even understands what I am saying. Dad and I used to have a good chat in the evenings and include mum in the conversation and I really miss him. I haven't properly grieved for dad as everything has been so hectic. I feel really low and depressed. I really don't want feel so selfish but it is a soul destroying situation.

 

[RedLou]

Maisey - you need time to grieve and you need to feel you have your own life. Is there any way your mother can go to day care or you can have someone sit with her one or two days a week, at least?
You are not being selfish. You are being amazing. *hug*

 

[Otiruz]

Hello Maisey, My best friend was my Dad who died 3 years ago. My Mother was diagnosed with mixed dementia soon afterwards so I really emphasise with you. Fortunately I have a lovely partner, son and business and I'm in contact with many people, however I feel isolated and lonely, not to mention sick with worry over my Mum. My cousin's daughter has been diagnosed as autistic at 15 - my cousin and his wife have 3 older boys with no sign of autism and I'm guessing their daughter is fortunately at the milder end of the scale. They were understandably shocked, frightened and overwhelmed by the diagnosis and my cousin's wife was referred to a carer's support group. She in turn persuaded me to contact my local group, because of my Mum and her dementia, who have been wonderful. For anyone facing the loneliness of coping as an only child and feeling unsupported, overwhelmed and frightened give them a call. My local organisation have regular meetings and, whilst I haven't yet attended, I would not hesitate to do so. I hope you can feel less alone.

 

[maiseym]

Thank you so much for your support. Mum is starting daycare next week so I hope it works out well for both of us. We have been offered a sitting service by social services but nothing has been set up as yet. Thanks for the suggestion about carer's support. I have been given information about them. I think my nearest one holds a meeting once a month. The future is what frightens me more than ever.

 

[AngeMorange]

angemorange

Only child here as well, mum (83) diagnosed formally in December but we have known for about 8 months or so.

My partner and I are doing most of the caring at present, chasing social services a time consuming nightmare so far.

Mood swings most difficult to cope with, especially for our son aged 9. Paranoia a bit of a problem as well, my mum has 'taken against' most of her friends for no real reason. All really hard to cope with.

I've found the local support worker very good for advice and the carer's support group which meets monthly has been good as well.