Can’t believe that it’s one year on Sunday since my lovely mam died. It just seems like yesterday since I sat with her day after day watching as she slowly faded away, unable to eat or drink. It was truly the worst time of my life and the memory of it is still so strong.
I think of her every day and the only thing that helps the grief is knowing that she’s at peace now and with my dad in whatever form that may be.
I have lots of regrets wishing that I’d done this or that differently, but I know I can’t turn back the clock.
As I was clearing through some of her things I came across a 1976 diary she’d written when she was 41. I’d have been 13 at the time. I think my brother gave her the A4 diary for Christmas that year. The diary wasn’t one in which she put her private thoughts, but mainly everyday things that we’d all done as a family. Reading it brought back such lovely memories, but the main thing for me was that as I was reading it I could hear her voice speaking the words. The amazing thing about that is that she lost her language skills with this awful illness so any conversations I had with her were just nonsensical. So hearing her voice in my head as I read the diary was so special as I felt she was back with me again and free from the restraints of Alzheimer’s.
I will be taking some flowers to the Garden of Remembrance where her ashes are scattered and reflect on the good times she spent with her family.
Thank you TPers for all your support over the years when I needed to offload. Your kindness has meant so much and it really helped knowing that everyone on this site was going through similar experiences so I never felt alone. It’s just so sad that this illness even exists and hopefully one day in the not too distant future there will be treatments or even a cure and future generations won’t be blighted with this debilitating illness.
Love to you all and strength in the coming days for those of you who have lost someone recently.
Roma xx
I think of her every day and the only thing that helps the grief is knowing that she’s at peace now and with my dad in whatever form that may be.
I have lots of regrets wishing that I’d done this or that differently, but I know I can’t turn back the clock.
As I was clearing through some of her things I came across a 1976 diary she’d written when she was 41. I’d have been 13 at the time. I think my brother gave her the A4 diary for Christmas that year. The diary wasn’t one in which she put her private thoughts, but mainly everyday things that we’d all done as a family. Reading it brought back such lovely memories, but the main thing for me was that as I was reading it I could hear her voice speaking the words. The amazing thing about that is that she lost her language skills with this awful illness so any conversations I had with her were just nonsensical. So hearing her voice in my head as I read the diary was so special as I felt she was back with me again and free from the restraints of Alzheimer’s.
I will be taking some flowers to the Garden of Remembrance where her ashes are scattered and reflect on the good times she spent with her family.
Thank you TPers for all your support over the years when I needed to offload. Your kindness has meant so much and it really helped knowing that everyone on this site was going through similar experiences so I never felt alone. It’s just so sad that this illness even exists and hopefully one day in the not too distant future there will be treatments or even a cure and future generations won’t be blighted with this debilitating illness.
Love to you all and strength in the coming days for those of you who have lost someone recently.
Roma xx