1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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One of those moments of feeling very alone

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Ktynan, May 12, 2015.

  1. Ktynan

    Ktynan Registered User

    May 22, 2014
    Hello all,

    My mum, with frontotemporal dementia, has been in residential care for a few months now. I'm living away from my family, but am home (funny how it'll always be home) at the moment to help tie things up. Just finished packing up my old room at mums old house, and what feels like the last of my life before dementia.

    As I've said mum has been gone from the house for months, and has been ill for years, however right now I feel like I'm just realising this for the first time.
    I'm very lucky and have super supportive friends and close family, and mum is mostly settling and is safe. However sometimes I just find myself questioning why this had to happen to my lovely mum.

    I'm really not looking for any answers, but even just writing this now has made me feel a lot less lonely. Thank you

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  2. lesley1958

    lesley1958 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015
    I'm so sorry. Understanding how you feel: lost and alone. I wish I could offer more words of comfort but the best I can do is say that I share the pain. Your phrase "life before dementia" really resonated with me. I am currently struggling to accept that my life, and the lives of my beloved family, will never be the same again.

    Wishing you strength. And everyone else on this list.
  3. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    it's a rotten disease and so tough in so many different ways ... I hope the sadness becomes easier to bear.
  4. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    **hugs** we all feel alone at times, I am today, B just got so forgetful this AM and then it makes me forget what I am doing as watching him. Please realise that you always have us here to vent.
  5. SarahL

    SarahL Registered User

    Dec 1, 2012
    I really feel for you and empathise with you. I am only just beginning to realise what me and Mum went through over the sad and bad times with Alzheimer's over all the years. My Mum has been in care for 6 months now and I am only starting to fully comprehend she'll never be going home (I am a slow learner) and I've been sorting her house out, regularly going over and every time my heart breaks when I'm there, especially when I see her writing and many other reminders. Wishing you happier times, hopefully your Mum is settling and happier now. My Mum has good and bad days and I often get lots of love from her now which is so much better than all the awful times. Take care.
  6. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    {{{Ktynan}}} I know what you mean, I feel a constant sorrow for what my Mum is going through and all the things she is missing out on, even though she is still around physically.
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    I am walking exactly the same path right now

    Hello my friend, you are not alone. My Mum after 4months in hospital moved to full time care. I am now trying to empty her house so we can rent it for income as she is self funding. I only see now just how much chaos her mind has been in when I start the clear out. So many sentimental things I wanted she has thrown away and we are left with skip loads of junk. My heart is broken not for the things but for the fact that she no longer remembers the good times.

    She is happy now in care but I am still the daughter who had to put her Mother in a care home. Sad, sad, sad.

    I imagine a host of friends here ready to catch us when we fall. Keep posting. Sometimes when you love someone you have to do what is right, even if its a bitter pill to swallow.

    Love, hugs and strength to you.
  8. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    you said it all Quilty, but don't feel that way you are doing what is right.
  9. Stresshead

    Stresshead Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    Sending a big cyber hug your way. I too understand how you're feeling and I feel very lonely too. I also spent the weekend clearing out my dads house for sale and the memories it unearthed was heart breaking.

    Stay strong and look after yourself and remember that whilst there is this forum you will always have a shoulder to cry on.

  10. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    Salford, Lancashire
    Know how you feel - my Mum moved in with me in August and we've finally had an offer on her flat. The thought of having a final 'go through' of my Mums flat next week (before house clearance people come in) is filling me with dread, think it will be worse than when she sold the house I grew up in (and I was upset at that)! Good job I will be on a timescale though and need to get 80 miles back up the M6 to pick Mum up from daycare by 6pm - otherwise suspect I could be there until midnight.
  11. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    So sorry you're feeling so bleak and alone' and sending an understanding hug. Life moves on, and you're being so sensible, but packing up your room must be hard. It's good that your lovely mum is safe. I know.. It's just NOT FAIR,
  12. Ktynan

    Ktynan Registered User

    May 22, 2014
    Thank you so much for all your kind words and posts. Sometimes it's helpful just to know that I am not alone in this horrible world of dementia. Today I've found a little peace, so hopefully today will be a good day. Have a great day everyone, and thank you

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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