1. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    Well, after spending several hours at the hospital today with a consultants visit, mammogram, ultra sound and biopsies, my suspicions have been confirmed, mum does have breast cancer. She's probably had it for a while although she only showed us the lesion two weeks ago. It's fairly localised, has not spread to the lymph glands but is very large and solid.

    So, the next step is another appt to see consultant next week after he has viewed the scans and got the biopsy results. Then, who knows! Mum, aged 87 with increasing confusion from Alzheimer's, will not cope with any treatment and her GP is in agreement so I guess we are just looking at palliative care.

    My sister who lives in the US will be over here for Christmas next week so she's going to the appt with my other sister, I am not needed thank goodness. It will be good for her to feel involved as she wants to help support mum but is too far away.

    On a slightly different note, would it be appropriate for us to spend some of mums money on paying for my sister to fly over again later in the year? Mum has over £150,000 sat in the bank and owns a house worth around £300,000 so the £800 or so is not a significant percentage. Or would it be considered misappropriation of her money?
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    My personal thoughts/understanding is that deprivation of assets comes into play when the person doesn't have sufficient assets to pay for their care for a reasonable period. I assume she has a reasonable pension coming in as well.

    So given the assets your mum has I think this is OK. It is only the cost of one week's care home fees.
  3. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    So sorry to be reading this, as for the money I have no idea, is your mum aware enough if you asked her if she wanted to pay for her daughter to come over here?, or if at a later date it was deemed to be a misappropriation of her money could you/your sister afford to pay it back. I hope someone more knowledgeable than me will come along

    Sending hugs for you all
  4. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    @Lynmax Your mum is in the same position as my dad and is likely to be on palliative care. My almost 90 year old dad has been on palliative care for 20 months now and is still in his own home but with one of us there 24/7 and he is doing okay at the moment. He is rather amazing though.

    Your mum seems to be financially secure so why shouldn't she, I would call it a nice gesture. It is hardly deprivation of assets. If your mum agrees then I can't see a problem. Your mum is entitled to spend what she wants and that is a fairly small sum.

    Hope you all have a lovely family Christmas and that the appointment goes well.
  5. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    My mother has had breast cancer twice, and I know if she had it again now she would not withstand or accept any treatment, I agree palliative care seems the best option.

    Unless someone makes a complaint, or your mother runs out of funds, no one will look at your mother's finances, so I wouldn't worry about paying the air fare.

    Best wishes for a good Christmas.
  6. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    A friend's mum is 93, has required hearing aids for decades, has Alzheimer's, has had a couple of minor heart attacks and was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago.

    The concern with the cancer was where it was located and oncologist thought that it would develop into a very messy sore that would be painful and difficult to care for. So though the mum was very anxious about it, the cancer was removed and her mum is OK for the moment.
  7. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    That is my concern as well, but I guess we need to wait until we see the consultant again. Obviously I don't want mum in any pain so some treatment other than pain relief, might be necessary. I fear though that the after care would be impossible to manage as mum lives on her with daily visits from family.

    I need to stop overthinking things as I always do and see what happens next.
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    The lady I talked about still lives on her own with lots of visits from her daughter. I don't think they believe for a moment that the cancer has been cured but it was just a comfort thing and keeping the future in mind that if left untreated, it would get pretty horrible. Lesser of two evils I suppose.

    Let us know how you get on.
  9. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    So sorry to hear about this @Lynmax.
    My Mum found a lump when she was about the same age as your Mum. Mum had dementia and I was so proud of her for finding it and speaking up. The consultant suspected that it had spread to lymph, but we decided against surgery due to Mum's severe anxiety, depression and confusion. Mum has taken Letrozole from then on. Her first check up after 6 months showed no change, the second saw a definite decrease in size and the Consultant discharged her on instructions to take the pills for life and return if there was a change. That was 4 years ago.
    A good friend who is a retired GP advised that 'it will probably be something else that carries her off'. Mum is end stage now and it looks as though my friend was correct.
    I know all lumps are different - but I really hope that your Mum can be treated in the least invasive and upsetting way.

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