On tenterhooks going to panel on Thursday!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by SueShell, May 11, 2015.

  1. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    Those that have followed my story will know that I had a nervous breakdown caring for my Mum on my own for 4 years. She was sent direct to a nursing home after her second, in quick succession, in fact 3 hours after discharge from hospital, fall. They were going to send her home yet again until I broke down on the phone. After being rejected by 4 care homes, she was accepted by a Nursing Home, and it is lovely. She hasn't been home for 5 months and she no longer even knows where she lives now, doubly incontinent, bed ridden, had bed sore (from hospital stay). She used to throw her dinner at me, slapped me round the face and rejected everything I did to try and help her. I now have a calmer, better relationship with her and she's settled in quite well at the NH. After constant back and forth with SS they are now taking her case to panel on Thursday at long last. CHC have also told me that they are paying the nursing side of her fees backdated to January. SW just emailed me to say do I want to add anything to send to panel for Thursday. I basically said, Im still on anti depressants, and if she comes home I will hand the keys over to SS as I'm not going down the same road again and end up suicidal, and she's much,much worse now. Also my back issues mean I cannot lift her.

    I'm on tenterhooks now. What if they send her home, I'm dreading the thought of it. Hugs to everyone, Sue xx
  2. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Ask the Panel to remember in their consideration, that just because Mum's needs are less apparent, it is entirely down to them being managed.....and a managed need is still a need.

    Good Luck.x.
  3. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    Hi Sue

    It is such a stressful time for you. I cannot see how they can send your mum home with no one to look after her. If she's bed bound and incontinent there is no way she can look after herself, and you, quite rightly cannot do this.

    Make sure the panel know exactly how your mum behaved when she was with you, giving specific examples. As Cragmaid has said, a need well cared for is still a need.

    Also make it very clear that you cannot look after her because her needs are too great for you to deal with.

    Wishing you well for Thursday. Jan x
  4. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    I just want to say **hugs** and thinking of you, as I know I will have this later on maybe end of the year.
  5. angelface

    angelface Registered User

    Oct 8, 2011
    Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    As you say, you cannot possibley care for your mother, keep strong, and keep saying it!
  6. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
    Thinking of you Sue, and keeping absolutely everything crossed for common sense to prevail on Thursday.

    Much love and support xx
  7. katek

    katek Registered User

    Jan 19, 2015
    Is the assessment another attempt to get CHC? I take it from this and another of your posts that she now gets FNC, so assuming she stays on it, that cannot be given at home so she'd have to stay in the NH anyway! If there is any danger that the FNC might be withdrawn, that wouldn't necessarily mean that she would have to go home, and you can also argue that moving her at all, wherever it is, would not be in her interests as she is settled.

    Basically, if your main concern is her being sent home, I don't think you need to worry. It is more a question of to what extent they are prepared to fund her at the NH. Obviously you will push for full CHC if you think she qualifies, but realistically she will probably remain on FNC - and remain at the NH too.

    Good luck, and let us know!

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