1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. oldbob

    oldbob Registered User

    Apr 11, 2014
    I am 89 but am now having to learn how be carer for my 75 year old partner who is in the early stages of advancing Alzheimer's. Help from the NHS seems mostly based on declining memory but I am finding personality and behaviour changes are even more difficult to deal with. I suppose that these are so varied help is bound to be limited.
    Living in a village our close gay friends do not live close by and I feel increasingly isolated and discussing problems outside the hearing of my partner is not easy.
    I hope that his forum may help me make contact with other gay oldies.
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Hi and welcome to TP. I'm sorry you're finding it hard to get support. I hope you find this forum useful. I'm sure you'll get lots of support here.
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Hi Bob, welcome to TP
    I'm not gay (never met the right man) but my best friend for over 30 years is so I guess I qualify as being gay friendly, he was very "scene" so we've done the gay village (we're in Manchester) and gay pride quite a few many times and the community here is big and very supportive, however, you say you live in a "village" (makes me think of Daffyd) so I guess it's different where you are.
    What I would say is that on here orientation isn't an issue and up to a point is an irrelevance we're all here to help and you're a person in a relationship with another person so the issues are the same be it man/woman, man/man or LBGT just whatever we're all the same under the skin.
    At the end of the day (hate that expression) we're all just people trying to cope I hope there is a gay presence on here to offer advise and help but I think you'll get just as much from posting in the mainstream areas of having a partner with dementia no one is here to judge you.
    Back to your post the personality changes are causing you a problem, would you share how this is (you don't have to) so we can offer some advise. We've probable seen it all on here from violence and aggression, sexually inappropriate, money, drugs you name it we on here will have had a thread on it. Join in and don't be a stranger Bob.
  4. snorkmaiden

    snorkmaiden Registered User

    Mar 8, 2014
    Hiya oldbob, sorry to hear that you're feeling so isolated, it seems to be a common problem whether Old, Young, Straight, Gay, Trans ....... Family and friends, someone trusted to talk to in privacy, do seem to disappear! I hope you will be able to gain some comfort and support from all the wonderful people here xx
  5. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    What a great post, Kevini. :)
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello oldbob

    I agree with you. Personality and behavioural changes are much more difficult to deal with than memory loss.

    As far as not wishing to discuss issues in your partner`s hearing, if we had any medical appointments I always wrote to the practitioner in advance , detailing any of my concerns.

    I`m sorry you feel so isolated. I do hope you get the support you need here.
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP oldbob.
    I care for my Dad & like you I really struggle with the behaviour & personality changes.

    Keep posting here as we do understand.

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