Obsessed with me !

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Ernest, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. Ernest

    Ernest Registered User

    Jan 23, 2018
    77
    Does anyone else have a partner in a CH who is absolutely obsessed with them, where they are, what they're doing ? I go every other day and before I leave I write in a diary when I'm next in.. I try to leave this until just before I leave but sometimes he just won't let it go and keeps on and on about what I'm doing, when am I going again. Sometimes, .like today, I give in and write it down earlier that I'm working all day tomorrow for Thursday and will be there at 4pm after work on Friday. Then for the next hour or so, he checks and re-checks the diary, asking the same questions, saying he's confused. The more he asks, the more confused both he and I get. He cannot talk about anything else or have the TV on as he just wants me to reaffirm what is happening. Is this another effect of FTD?
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,096
    Kent
    Hello @Ernest

    I have known of people with dementia becoming obsessive about different things. It is unfortunate your partner`s obsession is with you.

    If it affecting him deeply his doctor may be able to prescribe some mild medication to calm him. He cannot be happy when his anxiety is so excessive so I hope he can be helped.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,864
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, that does sound very much like FTD - the obsessions and the way they cannot let things go.
    This sort of repetitive behaviour is called perseveration and is due to frontal lobe damage. It sounds like your partner is getting "stuck" in the loop. I assume you have tried distracting him "yes I'll do that in a minute. I'm thirsty - would you like a drink too?" Im wondering whether the diary is itself a trigger. Does he produce the diary when he starts asking you about what you are doing? Does he look at the diary when you are not there? If the diary is the trigger, maybe it could be left in the office until you leave, or even go "missing" if he doesnt look at at other times.
    Not easy to manage.
     
  4. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    219
    Central Scotland
    I had not realised that this sort of behaviour is common with FTD, which is what my OH has. I tried with a big calendar and then a whiteboard but that just seemed to confuse him more, He actually asks 'what is happening today' less now than he did when the white board was there to prompt him. He still remains obsessed with locks, locking and unlocking the front and back doors and the car umpteen times a day and his wallet, which he checks and fusses with endlessly.
     
  5. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    370
    My Mum was pretty obsessed with her diary, whilst she was still at home. Once she moved into a care home, this phase happily passed. When it was waning i *forgot* to buy her a new diary and she didn't seem to notice.
    I think once she was in a care home, the routine was there and so she worried less about when things were happening. The home does have a whiteboard detailing activities and she soemeimes reads (as far as she is able) this to me and comments on it
     
  6. Ernest

    Ernest Registered User

    Jan 23, 2018
    77
    Thanks for all these comments. If I don't write down my next visit he will just keep asking & asking so I do it to ease his anxiety. He looks at it quite a lot and the care staff tell me that he does look at it when I'm not there and they too can tell him when I'm due in when he asks them if they've seen me !! It all started when he asked me to write it down on a piece of paper. I thought the diary might be easier. We live and learn. I may have to try to wean him off it !! Thanks again.
     
  7. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    347
    Sheffield
    When my OH has been in hospital he asks the nurses to ring me to ask when I am visiting him next, sometimes I have already been and he has forgotten. He can then be awful to me when I get there. I had often been working some days so it would be 6 o’clock when I got there and he would be shouting at me!
     

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