Obsessed over money

[Lyn11]

can anyone offer advise about money for my aunt who has dementia. I am her POA and do her shopping, bills etc. I used to get her £50 to keep in her purse but stopped drawing any more out as she was trying to give her carers the money. Every couple of months she asks me to tell her how much she has in her account. At present she has a large amount and I have told her in the past how much she had and she was not to worry as she has plenty of money. The last time I told her she got quite nasty about it and shouted out in a busy shop how much she had and how I was going to be a very rich woman when she was dead!

Today she rang me and said she was going to get a taxi and go to the bank and draw some money out. I went along with it and said ok, bearing in mind that she is 88 and has very poor mobility and hasnt been out for more than two years on her own. Can anyone please advise me should I continue drawing a small amount out and giving it to her, she also complains that £50 Isn’t enough money. Also should. I tell her honestly how much she really has, the money in her account is going down as she has carers every day., twice at the moment but she has had four visits in the past after a fall. She doesn’t know that she is paying for the carers or she would have refused to have them, I had a terrible struggle over it. I am just not sure what to do.

 

[Melles Belles]

@Lyn11 the carers should not be accepting money from a client. I’m sure it must be contrary to their employment contract. Others may have some advice as I suspect it’s probably quite a common issue.

 

[Scarlet Lady]

@Lyn11 , your aunt may be offering the carers money (or thinks she is) but it’s unlikely they are taking it. If they are from an agency, that would be quite an easy thing to keep track of, so I doubt if it’s a problem. Maybe your aunt would feel better if she had a little more money in her purse. My aunt used to get £100 out of her bank account regularly. That was fine for her daily ‘spends’ and she was comfortable knowing she had that. Now she too is housebound and her dementia is too advanced for her to worry too much about money. I make sure she has her float in her purse which is never used as almost everything is paid by me with a card.
Like your aunt, mine has enough money not to need to worry, but I no longer show her bank statements, etc, as she couldn’t understand or retain anything. I get the feeling your aunt is at the same stage mine was at a few years ago - wanting to feel in control, but not really able to do it. This does pass, so you need to ride it out. You sound like you’re doing a great job of keeping on top of everything, so my advice would be go with the flow and try not to over explain things to her because she probably can’t take it on board. Likewise, ignore any criticism she flings at you!

 

[Lyn11]

@Lyn11 , your aunt may be offering the carers money (or thinks she is) but it’s unlikely they are taking it. If they are from an agency, that would be quite an easy thing to keep track of, so I doubt if it’s a problem. Maybe your aunt would feel better if she had a little more money in her purse. My aunt used to get £100 out of her bank account regularly. That was fine for her daily ‘spends’ and she was comfortable knowing she had that. Now she too is housebound and her dementia is too advanced for her to worry too much about money. I make sure she has her float in her purse which is never used as almost everything is paid by me with a card.
Like your aunt, mine has enough money not to need to worry, but I no longer show her bank statements, etc, as she couldn’t understand or retain anything. I get the feeling your aunt is at the same stage mine was at a few years ago - wanting to feel in control, but not really able to do it. This does pass, so you need to ride it out. You sound like you’re doing a great job of keeping on top of everything, so my advice would be go with the flow and try not to over explain things to her because she probably can’t take it on board. Likewise, ignore any criticism she flings at you!

The carers did not accept the money, they did inform me about it. The money situation crops up every couple of months or so, I try to change the subject but she keeps going back to it. Thank you for your advise