Numb

[mumofthree]

Hi
I have been posting on the other board for a few months.
My Dad died in the early hours of this morning. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers in April. He deteriorated quickly and needed 24 hour care by June.
He developed a urine infection, having become incontinent very quickly too, which turned to Sepsis last Sunday. IV access failed and treatment stopped, with end of life care beginning on Monday and a return to his care home and his dog. He has been peaceful and pain-free all week, with his level of consciousness and responsiveness fading.

At the moment I feel a sense of relief and exhaustion, coupled with an emptiness, a numbness. Despite the tears I've shed over the last few weeks and months, I haven't really cried yet today. My Mum died in 2009 and it was very different (different illness, in hospital 10 days but only found out it was terminal less than 24 hours before she died) so my feelings today are unsettling me and I don't know what to expect next.

mumofthree
x

 

[Grannie G]

I am so sorry.

 

[nicoise]

Hello Mumofthree,

Firstly, I'm so sorry about your Dad's story, but I'm glad he was kept painfree and peaceful, and able to be in the right place at the end.

What a dreadful time you've had recently - I'm not surprised you are numb right now. You've been through so much in such a short time, and it really is impossible to get your head around at present.

I wonder too sometimes, having been through something fairly similar recently, and having lost my dad some years ago and now mum, whether having been through the first loss and then the second of your parent that you are a little more experienced at bereavement? You sort of know how you're going to feel, a little more prepared for what is to come, and that although it is terrible you know you will get through it - even with a broken heart?

Whatever, just be kind to yourself for now. Sleep and eat when you can, do the necessary arrangements as you need to and leave some of the other stuff for later when you have got a little of your strength back and are more able to tackle things that are necessary but not vital for the present.

Best wishes to you and your family xxx

 

[shauna]

Hi my deepest sympathy on the loss of your dad.
I lost my mum on aug 5th after a long journey through dementia. We were told by doctors on sun that she would only last four or five days she died on friday. We spent the last five days of her life in the nursing home with her and her palative care was excellent .I will never forget the kindness and support the staff gave us .Mum died surrounded by her four children we played her favourite music and chatted about our childhood. Mum was pain free and very peacefull and passed away in her sleep .We always worried that mum would die alone in the nursing home and we feel very privilaged that we got the chance to be with her.My mum is now free from this cruel dementia and i know she is safe in my dad,s arms forever ( my dad died 9 yrs ago ). Since my mum died i have been unable to cry i just feel numb and unable to let go of my emotions i really dont think it has sunk in yet .I was very close to my mum and miss her so much my heart aches and at the same time i feel an inner peace if that makes sense .
When my mum died we brought her home before her funeral and the four of us stayed overnight with her at our family home it was a very special night for us as a family and helped us with our grieving.


Love Shauna.

 

[sunray]

so sorry

My Dad died in 2000 but I still miss him. I am glad your Dad died with the right kind of care and in a familiar place. I am sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the days ahead.

Sue.

 

[benny]

My heart goes out to you.

 

[Farmergirl]

So sad for you.

Please make some time for yourself just to sit quietly.....I know there will be so much to do, but this has been very different from your mum's passing, and i think you need to just let it sink in.
Take care...