Now we have the diagnosis - what next?

[Untamed]

My Mum has had a recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's. It was pretty obvious to those close to her that this would be the outcome of the visit to the Memory Clinic but it came like a bolt out of the blue to her. Since then things seem to have gone from bad to worse - she denies her memory is "that bad" and is fighting any form of help. I do understand why she is behaving like this, thanks to this wonderful website, but just don't quite know what to do for the best.

A short background: my Mum is 81 and she lives at home with my Dad, who will be 87 next month. Daddy has had hip replacements and a knee replacement and is having checks on his heart as he has had a few unexplained falls this year. He frets constantly about their situation but just can't get anywhere as Mummy blocks anything he tries to set up (i.e. Agency help). They have a lovely cleaner who comes once a fortnight (too busy to make it more frequent) and finally a lady from the Agency comes once a week for a couple of hours.

I'm sure you all know how everyday life is - mummy constantly forgetting things, wandering about in a bit of a dream sometimes and becoming more and more self centred (she was always so selfless so that change has really come as a shock to me). I live just over an hour away and manage to visit for two days every fortnight. At the moment I'm recovering from an op so won't be visiting for about 4-6 weeks - needless to say phone calls are frequent and seem to concentrate on calming squabbles and smoothing fraught situations.

Basically what I would like to know from anyone who has been through this stage is - how can we access help and what help is out there? I know the alzheimers Society have various services but I seem to feel totally adrift and just cannot focus on what's best for everyone. My poor Dad is at breaking point and of course my dear Mummy just cannot see most of the time what is happening.

Sorry for the essay and I hope some of it may ring a bell with somebody out there. We seem to be at the beginning of this awful slippery slope and at the moment I have this nagging feeling that we are doing nothing and running out of time. My brothers seem to be using work as an excuse not to get involved - I don't think they know how to cope and have retreated into more familiar territory which I can't blame them for doing - if it were only so easy!

Any suggestions/pointers would be SO WELCOME and thank you for reading this. X

 

[henfenywfach]

My Mum has had a recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's. It was pretty obvious to those close to her that this would be the outcome of the visit to the Memory Clinic but it came like a bolt out of the blue to her. Since then things seem to have gone from bad to worse - she denies her memory is "that bad" and is fighting any form of help. I do understand why she is behaving like this, thanks to this wonderful website, but just don't quite know what to do for the best.

A short background: my Mum is 81 and she lives at home with my Dad, who will be 87 next month. Daddy has had hip replacements and a knee replacement and is having checks on his heart as he has had a few unexplained falls this year. He frets constantly about their situation but just can't get anywhere as Mummy blocks anything he tries to set up (i.e. Agency help). They have a lovely cleaner who comes once a fortnight (too busy to make it more frequent) and finally a lady from the Agency comes once a week for a couple of hours.

I'm sure you all know how everyday life is - mummy constantly forgetting things, wandering about in a bit of a dream sometimes and becoming more and more self centred (she was always so selfless so that change has really come as a shock to me). I live just over an hour away and manage to visit for two days every fortnight. At the moment I'm recovering from an op so won't be visiting for about 4-6 weeks - needless to say phone calls are frequent and seem to concentrate on calming squabbles and smoothing fraught situations.

Basically what I would like to know from anyone who has been through this stage is - how can we access help and what help is out there? I know the alzheimers Society have various services but I seem to feel totally adrift and just cannot focus on what's best for everyone. My poor Dad is at breaking point and of course my dear Mummy just cannot see most of the time what is happening.

Sorry for the essay and I hope some of it may ring a bell with somebody out there. We seem to be at the beginning of this awful slippery slope and at the moment I have this nagging feeling that we are doing nothing and running out of time. My brothers seem to be using work as an excuse not to get involved - I don't think they know how to cope and have retreated into more familiar territory which I can't blame them for doing - if it were only so easy!

Any suggestions/pointers would be SO WELCOME and thank you for reading this. X

Hi!..I care for my dad who has dementia with lewy bodys. He is also my mums carer!...having a diagnosis is difficult enough for us to deal with so we can understand that your mum would fight it as she has a condition that at points doesnt make understanding somethings too clear!...my dad has looked after my mum for so long that they find accepting outside help an intrusion I suppose...clearly your dad needs help and if your mum isnt willing could the help come in to help him directly..that then would help your mum?...age uk do certain services..crossroads..and private companies....
The main question is have had a care needs assessment done with social services?..this is vital for them and carers assessment for you?...this means if your ill and cant help you can use an emergency card that will get them help!....
The reality is theyre not hot in dementia but are on care..so read up and tell them whats needed!...
The alzheimers activities are brill..if help needed for transport or escorting..the society officers will have info...
And Importantly..look after no 1..there will be emotional times..tears but laughter too...so contact carers project for yourself...
The oh no stuff?..address power of attorney as soon as poss if not done..health wellbeing and property finances..sorry very blunt..but the alternative is not nice court of protection...and diagnosis doesnt always mean no capacity to sign forms!..I wish you good luck and best wishes

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[Untamed]

Many thanks for your reply. What you have said has made me think quite a bit, especially from my parents' point of view. It must be so hard to accept you need help, especially as they are still at home and fiercely independent. My father has already organised the Power of Attorney bit and I know his thoughts do go into the future and how things may be.

Thanks again - I have tried to suggest help in the form of help for my Dad but my Mum keeps forgetting the conversations and internalises things! I will persevere quietly and see if I can get them interested in the local Alzheimers group.

Deep breath!!!