Thank you for your post. The chap that rang me is an Alzheimers support work.He has been very kind and nice to talk to. So I will be able to ring him when I need to,
Now useless
- Thread starter Casbow
- Start date
Oh, please do change thread title!
You are NOT useless. You sound very aware, capable and conscious that you want to improve your relationship with your son. Nothing useless there!
You are NOT useless. You sound very aware, capable and conscious that you want to improve your relationship with your son. Nothing useless there!
HA ha.xx What else can I be. Spare part.!! Waste of space.! Sorry it's how I feel. I will try to think of something else..x
Can you help me with something else. I have made a will and had it witnessed and signed. Now don't think my family have power of attorney but they think they have and are going to look for it. But my question is if they have one doesn't it have to be sent off somewhere to be registered. And should I be allowed to know what is in it. Thankyou.
Hi @Casbow
If there is a Power of Attorney you will have said who you want to be your Attorneys and have signed it .... then it needs to be Registered with the Office of Public Guardian (OPG)
If it has been registered that can be checked
www.gov.uk
As it is your LPA of course you should be able to see the documents and know what's in them ... I think my dad had a document as did each of his Attorneys (it's a while ago and I no longer have any of the documentation)
If there is a Power of Attorney you will have said who you want to be your Attorneys and have signed it .... then it needs to be Registered with the Office of Public Guardian (OPG)
If it has been registered that can be checked
Find out if someone has an attorney, deputy or guardian acting for them
Apply to search the Office of the Public Guardian registers to see if they have a Lasting Power of Attorney, deputy or guardian acting on their behalf
As it is your LPA of course you should be able to see the documents and know what's in them ... I think my dad had a document as did each of his Attorneys (it's a while ago and I no longer have any of the documentation)
Thankyou. I will speak to my family. Of course it might be my dementia forgetting.!!! What fun.!Hi @Casbow
If there is a Power of Attorney you will have said who you want to be your Attorneys and have signed it .... then it needs to be Registered with the Office of Public Guardian (OPG)
If it has been registered that can be checked
Find out if someone has an attorney, deputy or guardian acting for them
Apply to search the Office of the Public Guardian registers to see if they have a Lasting Power of Attorney, deputy or guardian acting on their behalf
As it is your LPA of course you should be able to see the documents and know what's in them ... I think my dad had a document as did each of his Attorneys (it's a while ago and I no longer have any of the documentation)
Hi, I am back again. This week I have an appointment With a solicitor. It is the same company that I used when my husband was so poorly with Vascular dementia. I am going to update my POA and take my eldest son off and keep my youngest and his wife. They are the ones that look out for me and sort out my problems. My eldest son has not spoken or acknowledged me since boxing day last year. So now my problem is that I was going to leave everything equally to my 2 sons. But now my eldest has not spoken to me , read or answered messages (except to say horrible stuff) and basically I am supposed to apologise for things I said about close relatives. I have no recollection of saying the these things and have told him that. I said it might be my dementia he said No,you have always been like that. That one sentence has hurt me so badly. I cannot believe I would say horrible things about the people i love. So my situation now is , Do I change my will and what too. I do not want my 2 grandchldren to go without. When all this trouble started I was told that my sons wife was going to divorce him. It appears to have been a very nasty divorce and I don't know the reason. I have been accused of not supporting him through his divorce. I spoke to him a few times and always sympathised but did not ask what the reason was for her divorcing him. He says I did not support him. Short of asking why she was divorcing him I did my best. I thought to ask why would be too intrusive and that he would tell me if he
wanted to. So what do I do about my will this week. I thought I could leave my sons half to the children. What do you think. Thankyou for reading this.
wanted to. So what do I do about my will this week. I thought I could leave my sons half to the children. What do you think. Thankyou for reading this.
Thankyou for answering me. I had forgotton that I had asked on here. My memory is the worse symptom of my dementia. But when I have read about Frontotemporal it says that the memory is not very often affected. My youngest son and his wife live just across the road from me. I moved here to be near them. My eldest has lived in London for many years. He went to university and never really came back home to live. after that. He married and they had 2 children. It always appeared to be a good marriage and the children seemed happy. But then Easter 2021 when my son visited with the children. I cooked a roast dinner and then after lunch I went to the kitchen to start washing up. He came out to the kitchen and leaned on the worktop and said I don.t like the way you talk to Ann.(Not her real name) . He was talking about my sister. I was a bit taken aback as this was months ago and my sister and I had not fallen out. He started to shout and then yell so loud that I was shaking. I closed the back door quickly because the whole street could hear. It was when we were only allowed to have family round in the garden and it was a lovely sunny day. That was the start of nearly 2 years of misery.Turned out his marriage had gone very bad but we (the family) never have known why. It has all been as far as I know a very messy break and his wife moved out to another house and started divorce proceedings. Since things went bad for him he has turned on me. Some of the emails are downright cruel. One was so bad I shall never get over what it said. When I said I could not remember saying the things I have been accused of and maybe its the dementia. He said don't blame the dementia you have always been like that. It all got so bad and he will not communicate at all. What he said in e mails is so awful and upsetting and he refuses to talk or write to me. Then I remembered that I had not changed my address on my Will and not sorted out POA. My other son came with me to the solicitors. We have arranged a new POA. And then talked about the will. I decided (on my own decision) that I would leave half of everything to youngest son and the other half to be shared between my 4 grandchildren. Two of them from youngest son and the other 2 from my oldest son who I don't see anymore because he obviously is not going to bring them. I keep in touch by quick message on Granddaughters mobile. Only saying simple things like hope school is ok. Hope you are. Just basic stuff. So that is it. Obviously my other son tried to talk to his brother but nothing he could do. Sorry I have gone on a lot. Difficult to keep it short. There is a lot more but can't write anymore. Thankyou for reading it.
Casbow.
Casbow.
Hi @Casbow. I am sorry to hear what you are going through and especially the poor relationship with 1 of your sons. I know a little bit about family strife as I have been estranged from my stepson since his behaviour and attitude over my care for my wife (his Mam) led to an irretrievable breakdown in our relationship.
I was going to suggest skipping a generation and leaving a legacy for your grandchildren. I have done this by naming my granddaughter, nephew and niece in my Will.
It seems that you have done something along those lines, which seems like a good solution. Your eldest son might disagree but it is your choice to make.
And, by the way, someone who can write with such passion and eloquence - as you have - is a long way from being 'useless' or any other of the descriptions in your earlier post.
I was going to suggest skipping a generation and leaving a legacy for your grandchildren. I have done this by naming my granddaughter, nephew and niece in my Will.
It seems that you have done something along those lines, which seems like a good solution. Your eldest son might disagree but it is your choice to make.
And, by the way, someone who can write with such passion and eloquence - as you have - is a long way from being 'useless' or any other of the descriptions in your earlier post.
Thankyou. I spend a lot of time checking anything I write. The decision I made did not come easy. In fact I am thinking of nothing else. I feel that he is probably unwell himself with all the stress of the divorce. And I do not know how he is getting on having the children one week and not the next. The children must be unhappy as well. The thing is he will not talk to me. Will not write other than to say awful things that have rubbished everything I ever did as a mother. I have been diagnosed with Frontotemporal since lockdown.. And he will not accept that it may change me and it already has a little bit. I never thought this would happen to my family. As far back as our history goes there has only ever been 1 other divorce. I know his divorce was for the better from what we as a family saw. but it has a very bad effect on me and my other son and family.. Thankyou for caring. Casbow.x
I cannot
stay on here anyway. I cannot remember anything Not even some of the things I have written on here. sorry.
stay on here anyway. I cannot remember anything Not even some of the things I have written on here. sorry.
I think it is actually very common for the children of people with dementia to not be able to accept the diagnosis. My brother never accepted mums diagnosis and even when she moved into her care home he told me that he couldnt understand why she was there.
You have done everything you can with your eldest son. He may come round, or he may not - it is sad, but it is not your problem. Get a group of people around you who will support you and you can trust. Im hoping that you have other children who will support you.
xx
