Not sure what to do

janemit

Registered User
Sep 7, 2014
30
I am new to the website and was very upset yesterday. I thought I was posting a thread but ended up creating a blog. Not sure of the difference. Have found reading about everyone's experiences both upsetting, humbling and very supportive.
My mum is 89 has mixed vascular and Alzheimers, I feel she is at the end of life stage but not sure how long it will go on. She is a residential home since March following numerous falls and on the whole have been very pleased with her care. She has deteriorated rapidly over the last two months.
I tend to visit on a Sunday as I work mainly during the week and that's when I used to visit when mum was at home. The home is 30 minutes away and work full time.
She seems to spend most of her time in bed, when I went yesterday, found her like a shrivelled up little lady. Her mouth was dry, no teeth and had thrush. I gave her a drink and she winced when swallowing,either so dry or thrush I her throat. I looked at the chart where they write stood, turned etc. There were about 6 entries from early morning saying turned and dry. So when the carer came I said has mum had a wee today not sure, mentioned about her thrush - don't know will have to get the senior. She came and confirmed thrush but said don't know your mum as I am from another home just been asked to do the medication but she would report it.
When I arrived there was some cold custard they had obviously tried to get her to eat but she has forgotten that she needs to. They brought me some chocolate custard and a cup of tea to feed her. Managed to get half of both down her but she didn't seem to have a clue about swallowing and it was dribbling from her mouth.
No one to talk to at the home they all seem so clueless. Cried all the way home and much of the evening. I rang from work this morning and spoke to the area manager who said she was standing in. She listened to my concerns and said that the doctor had been requested to attend and the deputy manager would ring me back. Still waiting.
Don't want to cause waves the last time mum was in hospital they said at the home that because they were residential they might not take mum back but they did. Can they refuse to have her?
Feel so alone, will ring tomorrow and ask what's happening.
Love mum so much but she is suffering and seems a horrible way to linger on.
 

DazeInOurLives

Registered User
Dec 10, 2009
107
East Midlands,UK
twitter.com
I am new to the website and was very upset yesterday. I thought I was posting a thread but ended up creating a blog. Not sure of the difference. Have found reading about everyone's experiences both upsetting, humbling and very supportive.
My mum is 89 has mixed vascular and Alzheimers, I feel she is at the end of life stage but not sure how long it will go on. She is a residential home since March following numerous falls and on the whole have been very pleased with her care. She has deteriorated rapidly over the last two months.
I tend to visit on a Sunday as I work mainly during the week and that's when I used to visit when mum was at home. The home is 30 minutes away and work full time.
She seems to spend most of her time in bed, when I went yesterday, found her like a shrivelled up little lady. Her mouth was dry, no teeth and had thrush. I gave her a drink and she winced when swallowing,either so dry or thrush I her throat. I looked at the chart where they write stood, turned etc. There were about 6 entries from early morning saying turned and dry. So when the carer came I said has mum had a wee today not sure, mentioned about her thrush - don't know will have to get the senior. She came and confirmed thrush but said don't know your mum as I am from another home just been asked to do the medication but she would report it.
When I arrived there was some cold custard they had obviously tried to get her to eat but she has forgotten that she needs to. They brought me some chocolate custard and a cup of tea to feed her. Managed to get half of both down her but she didn't seem to have a clue about swallowing and it was dribbling from her mouth.
No one to talk to at the home they all seem so clueless. Cried all the way home and much of the evening. I rang from work this morning and spoke to the area manager who said she was standing in. She listened to my concerns and said that the doctor had been requested to attend and the deputy manager would ring me back. Still waiting.
Don't want to cause waves the last time mum was in hospital they said at the home that because they were residential they might not take mum back but they did. Can they refuse to have her?
Feel so alone, will ring tomorrow and ask what's happening.
Love mum so much but she is suffering and seems a horrible way to linger on.
Hi,

your poor Mum definitely needs to see a doctor to prescribe her some medication for her thrush and assess her swallowing and overall condition. She certainly sounds dehydrated. Treating the thrush will give her the best chance of being able to swallow safely. Although the mention of her dribbling it out suggests that there may be something more going on.

You've posted this message in the 'end of life' section...this can cover a fairly long period of time and it is not clear where your Mum is on that journey. I realise that you will probably be at work tomorrow, but it would be helpful if you could be there when the doctor visits so you can have that conversation with her/him. It sounds a good opportunity to talk about the pros and cons of treating/not treating certain conditions and your Mum's/your preferred place of care when the end comes. Difficult conversations, but can never be had too early as this will help everyone, including the carers who sound as though they are not too sure either.

In residential care where a person is dying, the community nursing service and end of life team often play an active role and should be able to support the staff who are perhaps not familiar with how things play out at this stage. This is something that the GP can initiate, if s/he feels that it is your Mum's time. Hospital shouldn't really be suggested if she is at that stage and hospice beds can be hard to come by for patients in a care home. It should be perfectly possible to manage this without moving your Mum, given the right support. Although some residential homes manage end of life care themselves, it is quite normal procedure for the community services to come in and bring the expertise when it is needed. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

Wishing you all the best, strength and some clarity about what is happening as soon as possible.

With warmest wishes.
 

janemit

Registered User
Sep 7, 2014
30
I spoke to the home mum is in and they were very attentive and listened to my concerns. Thrush now clear. Still not very responsive, not eating apart from odd spoon of yoghurt. Drinking very little
They moved her room around so she can see the door and tv not that she takes much notice.
How she has deteriorated so upsetting. She looks at me but doesn't really notice I am there.
Doctor said just to keep her comfy. They said they wouldn't send her to hospital if she got worse.
I just take my knitting and sit with her
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
955
I really feel for you and whilst having no concrete advice, I hope that she will be kept comfortable throughout.