....till I go on a much needed family holiday with husband and daughter! I cannot deny that I am nervous about it. This is the first time I'll have been away when there's anyone/thing at home to worry about.
Mum cannot hide her discomfort and anxiety (and disapproval? ) that I am 'leaving her' for a week, albeit in the very kind hands of my SIL who is giving up 5 days of her summer to keep mum company ... according to mum she's 'not me' - well no, she isn't - but isn't some company better than none? Seemingly not ... the look on mums face sometimes when I mention my SIL ... you'd think she ate babies for breakfast! But it's her, or no one. Mum is forgetting how kind SIL was when she had a breakdown (carer stress) just over a year ago. She visited mum in hospital (she was in psychiatric care for a few months) and cried with her, just like I did, when things were bad. She doesn't owe mum anything in particular but is doing it from kindness - both to mum so she's not lonely, and to me so I can have a break.
I am resolute though - I NEED this holiday - I DESERVE it and my family needs time to bond and spend time together without a shadow over us.
...and once it's over and mum has survived (which she will) the next one will be easier.
So ... counting down ... two more sleeps
Mum cannot hide her discomfort and anxiety (and disapproval? ) that I am 'leaving her' for a week, albeit in the very kind hands of my SIL who is giving up 5 days of her summer to keep mum company ... according to mum she's 'not me' - well no, she isn't - but isn't some company better than none? Seemingly not ... the look on mums face sometimes when I mention my SIL ... you'd think she ate babies for breakfast! But it's her, or no one. Mum is forgetting how kind SIL was when she had a breakdown (carer stress) just over a year ago. She visited mum in hospital (she was in psychiatric care for a few months) and cried with her, just like I did, when things were bad. She doesn't owe mum anything in particular but is doing it from kindness - both to mum so she's not lonely, and to me so I can have a break.
I am resolute though - I NEED this holiday - I DESERVE it and my family needs time to bond and spend time together without a shadow over us.
...and once it's over and mum has survived (which she will) the next one will be easier.
So ... counting down ... two more sleeps