Not Coping


Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Dear all
Just wondered if any other carers are taking anti-depressants?
I am going through a very bad patch with my husband and I am not coping at all.
Have been to the Doctor and he wants to put me on a mild one but I am reluctant to start them so I would be grateful if someone could give me some feedback on if they helped them.
Thank you Roseann


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
Dear Roseanne,

I'm so sorry you are going through this terrible stress. I haven't had any anti depressant drugs so can't help you there. Do you know the name of the drugs the doctor would like you to use?

I'm sure you must have thought about asking for respite, or getting help in the home through SS. It does sound as if you are tired through to your bones and very weary. It is such a draining job looking after someone with dementia. I'm not surprised you feel you arn't coping and can only suggest that tomorrow morning you raise up extra energy to phone around and demand some help. I do hope you can get some light at the end of your dark tunnel.

Best wishes TinaT xx


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Roseann,

I have no personal experience of anti-depressants, but a colleague of mine was on them for some years after she lost her son in violent circumstances. They did help her to cope. She was reluctant to stay on them and tried on a number of occasions to come off them (and boy did we know when she wasn't taking them). The GP told her off for trying to come off them - she was on them for a very good reason.

It is almost 10 years since she lost her son and I asked her a few weeks ago if she still took the anti-depressants and she said no, she hadn't felt the need for them for some time.

I understand your reluctance to take anti-depressants, but I do think they can be beneficial if prescribed in the right circumstances and their use monitored.

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Roseann

Sorry to hear you`re having such a bad time.

I was in such a state last night I considered going to the GP but am wary like you are of antidepressants in case I become addicted.

But people have said if they are given correctly on a short term basis they can be a great help.

I really don`t know. I suppose your GP is the one to reassure you.

Take care xx


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
I am sorry you feel the need to take anti depressants. However if the GP agrees then let them see you through this bad patch. Perhaps highlight your diary for 12 mths on - with a focus to come off them when the time is right.

It seems a daft question, but have you tried other ways of coming through the depression. Time out, time for yourself to think and 'relax' :eek: What sort of respite do you get?

Could ramble on here but wish we could all help.
Love Jan


Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Dear Sue and Tina
Thanks for your replys.

Tina the drug is Paroxatine,just a low dose.
I have been in touch with SS and am waiting for the go ahead for respite but I think I am going to have to make a noise to move them along.I am weary as things have been alot worse since my hubby had a mini stroke a few months ago and before that I was unwell myself.
Many thanks for taking the time to reply
Take care Roseann


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Roseann,
As a disabled person caring for my husband (he is now in C.H.) I could not cope anymore.
My Doctor prescribed antidepressent and I found them to be a great help. The ones I am on are not addictive and only take them on really bad days.
Now my husband is in the last stage, the Doctor still wants me to have some in reserve for really bad days.
I wish you all the best


Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Hi Sylvia and Jan
Thanks for replying when you both have such alot of problems yourself.
Jan I am waiting for respite for my hubby and as for time for myself, that is one of my big problems at the moment because my husband will not have anyone else at the moment. He became very clingy after his mini stroke and panics if I am not around.
He has just started back at daycare so I am hoping things will improve soon.
Best wishes


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
coast of texas
personally I have been to the dr. and been given the anti-depressant told to take regularly...the whole mess. I am not a good person for taking pills. It's easier for me to give mom a pill than for me to take one myself. My dr. calls me no-na for noncompliant nancy. If he weren't such a great dr. I might be offended. We have talked of this extensively. As carers we are in a really bad position that can be very depressing.

When I talked to him last we had thrown around lots of ideas for staying out of depressions way....some of which are proven facts.
Let me give you an idea of what I mean: 1...exercise-walk for yourself if you enjoy music get a cd and listen while you walk, enjoy the scenery. (it's also a proven way of lifting those good hormones in the brain) it or not learning how to "leave" and relax does wonders you can get there for the hour or not (have found I have to arrange sitter, but did help when I was able to go-tho' I would call in advance to find out the sermon as that I did not want to go to a brimstone &fire sermon 4...a hobby-such as knitting,crocheting or painting (your mind has to concentrate on that and it takes it off life for awhile-some psych. hospitals actually use this as a form of therapy) 5...a diary of yourself and your life that actually puctuates your good side (and on the morose side a friend does her obituary over every month so that she can concentrate on all the good, as it makes you stop to look for the good--personally would not put my faults in my obituary)

I've also found myself thinking at nightway to much and have now taken on the mantra of telling myself "fresh air and cobwebs" as I imagine an empty room with one window (I am amazed at how fasst I fall asleep doing this)

If you choose to go the route of the medications don't be ashamed there are lots of people who do use them. If you choose that you can't discuss this with your dr. he may have some ideas that are more homegrown and easy for you to do.




Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Roseann

I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate. I think we all have times when we feel we can't cope any more, but youre is lasting a long time, and things are getting worse.

Definitely ring up and start kicking up a fuss about that respite. Let them know how desperate you feel, and are having treatment from the GP. Make it sound as bad as you can, don't try to be brave. I'm afraid in this sad world brave people are left to be brave alone!:(

And if your GP thinks you need antidepressants, give them a go for a while. I don't know anything about the one you mention, but most of the newer ones aren't addictive, and you'll be able to come off them when you feel stronger.

Take care, and keep in touch with us.



Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Roseann,
I have had a couple of patches in my life when I have been prescribed mild antidepressants....first time i was on them for over a year, second time only about 6 months. Each time i knew when i felt ready to come off them...and did so.
Being on them made me feel calmer....less tearful...more able to cope with what I had to. There are times in life when the pressures we are under just cannot be lessened...and we need help to get through that patch.
Push Social Services for the extra help, but I would talk to your GP too.
Love Helen


Registered User
Jul 10, 2007
A while ago I was feeling especially stressed and cried at the drop of a hat so I knew I needed something but I didnt want to go to my GP so I took St Johns Wort. I took it for 4 months and feel much better now.

Perhaps this may be an alternative for you?


Registered User
Apr 12, 2008
Hello Roseann, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I went through a bad patch last year and finally accepted the need for an antidepressant although not the same one as you mentioned. I certainly didn't find them addictive and 9 months later I felt in myself it was the right time to begin the process of stopping them and I did with no problems.

The occupational health guy at my work gave me a very reassuring comment. He said if you broke your arm you would have a cast to support it while it healed, so why not support your mind for a while to let it regain its balance?


Registered User
May 17, 2008
Anti Depression drugs

Hi Roseanne

I am a carer for my mam and things have been getting me down so like you I had a word with my doctor and said yes to anti depression drugs. I felt like I had failed but new I needed some help to carry on . I have now been on them for about 4 months with slow increases and lots of listening from my doctor ( which is very important that you are comfy with your gp )
Things have improved .

I have found help from our local Alzheimers group and at last have a social worker for my mam who seams to care.

It's about doing things that help you and i know thats the hardest thing to do .
Gillianw (Im a new member so hope im not talking out of turn )


Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
Hi Roseanne

I've been on antidepressants for quite a while now. This is because of my dads aggressive behaviour and mums illness. I've been on a few over the time and my GP feels that I'm Ok for a while and then they seem to stop working for me. I don't worry anymore about taking them because I really do get low and I also have quite a lot of panick attacks which I now also need medication for.
Now I'm awaiting to see a specialist to try to get me more regulated so I can cope better.
For me, I don't know what I'd be like without them and for now, I don't even want to comtemplate not taking them.
They can be good if used in the correct way I feel.


Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Dear friends
Many thanks for all your replys you have given me alot to think about.
Gillian thanks for your imput and no you are not speaking out of turn I am grateful for all info.
Also welcome to TP I know you will find lots of new friends.
Love to you all will let you know how I get on.