1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Not a Good Day - But Has Brought Clarity

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Donkeyshere, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    114
    channel islands
    Today the MIL came and sat down next to me in tears - I knew she had been getting down as she knows she is getting worse, she just needed a hug, just wish I could tell her it will all be ok. My husband was next to us and he was nearly in tears too but it was the catalyst for something that had been praying on my mind since my recent melt down at the docs! I went to work and explained I needed to change my hours and drop 5 hours so I can do 8 to 2 but because of recent changes at head office it might not be possible and I might need to look elsewhere. Neither them nor I want to part and they will try hard to see what they can do but needs must for all of us. The MIL needs more support, the husband for personal reasons is not coping well and I had to leave work in tears (was told to go and get some rest!) I have the next week of on holiday anyway, just me and the MIL the OH has gone to watch cricket with my blessing in Yorkshire. I am taking the MIL to the docs on Monday to see if she can get something to help with her feeling down - do anti depressants still work with Alzheimers? Can't really explain my emotions, relief that I have come to a decision, sad that we now have to acknowledge this is real. Luckily, I can always temp if things dont go well at work as we live in a finance centre and I have a few years experience so that wont be a problem! But I am going to do a bit of therapeutic house clearing next week and dump all the rubbish we have accumulated and not used for 10 years and spend a bit of time with the MIL going to get her old photos out and just chat. Its not all gloom and doom sometimes you need a catalyst to make you realise how lucky you really are.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,124
    Kent
    You are being so kind to your mother in law @Donkeyshere and making a very good job of juggling all the balls which have been thrown in your path.

    Try to get some rest during your shorter hours at work as well as organising your home and mother in law.
     
  3. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    462
    North West
    Hi Donkeyshere,

    My OH with Alzheimer's has taken anti-depressants for about two years. It certainly improved his mood when he started them. Hope your work juggling can get sorted out.
     
  4. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    114
    channel islands
    Took the MIL to the docs and she got some happy pills! She asked if she could have a big bag of them but the doc said sorry only one a day - but that made her feel better regardless. We did have a laugh this morning, she couldn't find her teeth!! Hunted high and low and eventually found them under the bed - I did suggest she washed them before popping them in as they were a little dusty!! We then popped to one of her friends had coffee and cake then she she said she fancied an new top (she has loads) but we found her favourite shop and she bought a couple. Not sure she will wear them but she enjoyed herself. I managed to get to the job agency in between and luckily because of being in a finance centre and my many years of experience (dont ask how many!) agency lady said we would have no problem getting a job with reduced hours and probably not much of a drop in wages. Started some clearing of the top room of our house today as well and found all my adult sons teddies, given them a wash and will take them to the charity shop - out with the old and in with the new (but not more teddies!). Sorry not the most exciting of posts but feeling things are coming together more and becoming more manageable. Hubby enjoying cricket as Yorkshire are winning!
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,751
    Female
    Scotland
    @Donkeyshere i am with you on the house clearing as a way forward. My SIL who I feel a certain responsibility for us in hospital with pneumonia. At 83 she is fairly stubborn and so this is one of the few chances to go in to her flat give it a good clean and hope we can move forward. Two bags of rubbish and one of paper later I could at least see the carpet. Hung up endless clothes and took the chance to throw out scabby looking ones. Found four tins and bags of pennies which weighed a ton. Why? Who would you give them to even if you could lift them.

    Soft toys and CDs and tapes by the dozen - she’s totally deaf so work that one out. I found several fivers amongst the rubbish but I knew I’d lifted more at the bank. When I went over to the hospital tonight I took her paper and a pen so she could draw me what she wanted to say. Straight away she drew where she had hidden£100. Nothing wrong with her memory.
     
  6. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    114
    channel islands
    Sadly its my part of the house that I am clearing and I am 100% sure that I will not find £100 let alone £1 or even a tin of pennies! But I did find some old Pokemon things that my sons were excited about as they can sell them on e-bay!! I usually get a chance to have a scout around the MIL's annex on a Saturday when I take her to a friends - most of the time its to remove something that has been left in the microwave from the week - although last time there was also a spoon in it! Luckily our electricity is on two separate boards! Actually thinking about it I have not checked the microwave still works! Will put it on the to do list - I cook for her so she will not go hungry without it - lets just hope she does not put her teeth in it!
     

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